Friend is getting requests for nice pics- how to advise

[Anonymous]

My DD has asked me how she can help her friend who is being pestered for nice pics by a boy in one of her classes. The kids are 10th graders and have never been in any sort of relationship. Apparently this has been going on all year. The friend is afraid to tell her parents because she thinks they will blame her.

I have made the following suggestions:
-say loudly to him the next time he sends request to stop asking her for child porn
-screenshot request and go to school counselor
-go to school counselor without screenshot
-take photo of request with a different phone in case he is using app that reports screenshots
-skip the class this is happening in (I don’t think this is a great idea, but it could buy time to meet with counselor)

I realize none of these are great ideas. I just feel like this is clearly harassment and there should be consequences.

What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

This is extremely concerning. Do you know DD’s friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is extremely concerning. Do you know DD’s friend?

I have met her once at a school event, so I don’t know her. She is a lunch friend of my DD and they share one school-based activity. I have never seen her parents.

And I was trying to say “nude” photos in my original post.

[Anonymous]

All of your suggestions except skipping class are reasonable.

Also block him/delete him on all social media and phone. If he’s doing it in person go with the loud comment back to him in front of the teacher and other kids.

Stop asking me for nudes Ethan. Don’t you know it’s child porn?

If above doesn’t work, tell the counselor.

This happens to all these girls. Not to downplay it but the friend needs to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

If he is dumb enough to use the school platforms, go straight to school counselor.

Otherwise block his ass on everything.

[Anonymous]

He’s harassing her. She needs to tell him this or if she doesn’t feel comfortable tell the counselor. Your daughter can also go to the counselor and tell her the boy is repeatedly requesting pics from at least one girl at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is extremely concerning. Do you know DD’s friend?

I have met her once at a school event, so I don’t know her. She is a lunch friend of my DD and they share one school-based activity. I have never seen her parents.

And I was trying to say “nude” photos in my original post.

Oh good. I was about to say, your wording is disturbing!

But yes, report to counselor.

[Anonymous]

Yes your daughter should suggest friend go to counselor. She can also go to thee counselor herself to get guidance about how to navigate this with her friend.

[Anonymous]

Tell your daughter, and through her, the friend, that 'NO' is a complete response. There is no need to elaborate.

Block the boy.

[Anonymous]

Why does the friend think her parents will blame her? I don’t think it’s a normal reaction for parents to blame their kids if they are solicited for pictures; is something else going on here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does the friend think her parents will blame her? I don’t think it’s a normal reaction for parents to blame their kids if they are solicited for pictures; is something else going on here?

I don’t know and this part is really bothering me. It seems like a clear case where any reasonable parent would back up their daughter. But my DD says the parents are really conservative, grade-focused, and use corporal punishment. So I worry about this child’s home situation.

I have also offered to go with child to school counselor if that would help her feel like she would be believed. I realize that is overstepping, but I hope someone would go with my child if she felt like she needed adult support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does the friend think her parents will blame her? I don’t think it’s a normal reaction for parents to blame their kids if they are solicited for pictures; is something else going on here?

I don’t know and this part is really bothering me. It seems like a clear case where any reasonable parent would back up their daughter. But my DD says the parents are really conservative, grade-focused, and use corporal punishment. So I worry about this child’s home situation.

I have also offered to go with child to school counselor if that would help her feel like she would be believed. I realize that is overstepping, but I hope someone would go with my child if she felt like she needed adult support.

Some parents are a**holes. My parents would assume I had led him on. And I was so shy I never talked to boys. Conservative parents that never blamed anyone male. It was always a girls fault if a boy didn't behave.

[Anonymous]

I’m not saying you shouldn’t go to the school/parents etc but a good public shaming is most likely to do the trick.

Your daughter and her friends can call him out publicly (Snapchat story?) for sexual harassment. He will be cancelled real quick.

[Anonymous]

Has she EVER actually told him "No, I'm not going to so stop asking"? If she keeps saying things like "why?" and "what will you do with it?" and "I'll think about it" then he thinks if he just pushes hard enough she'll crack. She needs to set a firm boundary.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thanks for the suggestions. DD got her friend to go to her school counselor with her. Counselor also encouraged starting with a clear no. The girl is afraid that if she is direct, then her friend group which includes this boy would drop her. She is very shy and has trouble making friends, so this is the first group she has felt a part of.

I am sharing because it helped me to understand a little more the complicated social dynamics at play. I am so glad she shared with my DD what is happening.

My dd and another girl friend are now planning on being the “bad guys” if necessary and publicly asking boy why he would ask for something like that. He is apparently only asking when the other friends aren’t around.