If you have 3 kids are you a "show off"?

[Anonymous]

Did anyone see this article in the post? Thoughts?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/04/AR2008040403217_pf.html

I have personally never thought that about anyone and never knew there were such people who competed like this.

We plan on having 3 kids (have 2 now) and we only live on a modest income. Given the current financial situation, assuming it does not greatly improve we will never save for a full college ride, no one is going to private schools, clothing and entertainment will be modest, and 2 of them will be sharing a room and there are only 2 bathrooms in the house between the 5 of us. I never thought this a problem or a bad thing. I just think the more childern the merrier the house! I grew up not poor, but there was no college fund or car when I turned 16, but I am so grateful for my wonderful parents and my 2 other siblings, I hope to create the same loving childhood for my kids too. I also don't want to stop at 2 babies, and want one more, I've had so much fun with my kids.

[Anonymous]

I thought this article was ridiculous and poorly written with very little thought put into it.

She claims that among her friends, only the richest have more than 2, however there is a large segment of the population with large families. In general, these are not the wealthiest among us. I would bet that there are lots of families in NYC cramming more than 2 kids into the little apartment.

I think it must be the circles she travels in; not a consensus opinion by any stretch.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. I certainly don't think it's "showing off." I do, however, have to shake my head at the people with more than 2 kids who complain about traffic, new residential construction, school overcrowding, and the like. My own parents were kind of zero population growth people, who believed in replacing yourself and no more. And I guess that makes sense to me. Also I think there's a huge range in the "stuff" noted. We grew up modestly, but my parents made it their business to pay for 4 years at a state college for both of us. And again, that's a value that I find really important and one I will pass along to my children. And it's something we have factored in to our family planning - we couldn't do it for more than 2 kids and we want very much to.

[Anonymous]

I have 3. They will not go to private school, but they will go to college. They don't get 70 toys a year, but maybe 70 art projects. I don't make over 100K and we make it work somehow. I know plenty of working class families that have 3 or more.

[Anonymous]

I'd never thought of having 3 kids as showing off either. For most people, I don't believe the decision whether to have a 3rd child is income contingent. We don't plan on having a 3rd because we're happy with 2. If we did want another one though, we would make it work somehow, despite our modest incomes.

[Anonymous]

What a stupid article. I thought the concept was innane and the writing poor. Why can't the Post find a more interesting and relevant way to cover the "family" beat???!

[Anonymous]

How lame. I find it hard to believe that people really think this way.

My sister has 5. Not a show-off, a Catholic!

[Anonymous]

I also think it is a silly concept - every family has different reasons for their choice of children......but, I have to say I do feel that I know several families in my social circle and beyond that "seem" to do like having larger families - these families are very well off and live large....I have one friend in particular who does say she likes the attention she gets from having lots of kids and loves sending out her holiday card so "show off" her kids to her college friends.

[Anonymous]

The last time I read anything credible about this, statistics showed an inverse relationship between wealth, education and number of children. In other words, the more money and education, the less number of children, on average.

[Anonymous]

I actually get what the author means - larger families are coming back in style with the well to do set. She's wondering why.
I live in DC and know of 4 families with 3 kids. Though I don't think they're show offs - they are certainly very well off and have nannies, etc. For middle class families in DC and NYC, it's just not doable. Heck, I can't even afford 2 kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last time I read anything credible about this, statistics showed an inverse relationship between wealth, education and number of children. In other words, the more money and education, the less number of children, on average.

I am the one who posted about the so-called wealthy families with lots of kids. I agree that it used to be the wealthier people had fewer children - but it really does seem to be a trend - for whatever reason. If I had the money, time (my age) and other resources to have lots of children - I would! I love the idea of a big family - we were three kids- but then reality sets in! I have a friend with an au-pair and a nanny and a housekeeper - a huge house, membership at a country club and a huge extended family all living nearby. If I had her resources - I would have 6 kids (she does!). I am not implying money buys happiness - but their circumstances certainly do make the logistics of raising 6 kids easier. I love children!

[Anonymous]

I guess the decision to have more than one child comes down to only 2 options:

1. Can we emotionally handle more than 1? Do we WANT more than 1?
2. Perception. In our culture we percieve that we need more than we actually do to raise a family and have a certain level of comfort. Everyone has a different threshold before wants start moving over into "absolute needs".

For me, I try to make a concerted effort to truly ask myself, so I just want something or do I need something. Out decision to have more than 2 kids is one I am OK with on a middle income salary. I'm OK if we have only saved for a portion of college. I'm OK with the kids sharing a room. I'm OK if we have to buy gently used cars. I'm OK if we have to drive to our vacations and not fly. So forth and so on.

Luckily before having kids DH & I got to do alot of travel to developing nations and I really learned so much about myself and my priorities, it really makes you look at all the wonderful blessing you have around you rather than all the things you think you are doing without. In this day and age, if you did not keep it in perspective, you would think all those who's parents wern't paying for college their childern were doomed to a life of poverty and misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last time I read anything credible about this, statistics showed an inverse relationship between wealth, education and number of children. In other words, the more money and education, the less number of children, on average.

I am the one who posted about the so-called wealthy families with lots of kids. I agree that it used to be the wealthier people had fewer children - but it really does seem to be a trend - for whatever reason. If I had the money, time (my age) and other resources to have lots of children - I would! I love the idea of a big family - we were three kids- but then reality sets in! I have a friend with an au-pair and a nanny and a housekeeper - a huge house, membership at a country club and a huge extended family all living nearby. If I had her resources - I would have 6 kids (she does!). I am not implying money buys happiness - but their circumstances certainly do make the logistics of raising 6 kids easier. I love children!

Me too! I would do the same!

Also, I'm originally from southern CT, and i have to say that the trend is very pronounced up there right now. I've noticed it for the past several years: the more expensive the Christmas card and the return address, the more kids pictured on the front!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess the decision to have more than one child comes down to only 2 options:

1. Can we emotionally handle more than 1? Do we WANT more than 1?
2. Perception. In our culture we percieve that we need more than we actually do to raise a family and have a certain level of comfort. Everyone has a different threshold before wants start moving over into "absolute needs".

For me, I try to make a concerted effort to truly ask myself, so I just want something or do I need something. Out decision to have more than 2 kids is one I am OK with on a middle income salary. I'm OK if we have only saved for a portion of college. I'm OK with the kids sharing a room. I'm OK if we have to buy gently used cars. I'm OK if we have to drive to our vacations and not fly. So forth and so on.

Luckily before having kids DH & I got to do alot of travel to developing nations and I really learned so much about myself and my priorities, it really makes you look at all the wonderful blessing you have around you rather than all the things you think you are doing without. In this day and age, if you did not keep it in perspective, you would think all those who's parents wern't paying for college their childern were doomed to a life of poverty and misery.

???

[Anonymous]

I kind of get what the article is saying, although as written it didn't make a compelling case. In Italy, which has a plunging birthrate, one-child families are the norm in the middle class. Hence the non-replacement birth rate, as most Italians are middle class. My friends there assure me the reasons are completely economic, and that no one in their right mind would try to shoe horn two and three children into the standard 1 bedroom + alcove Italian home (which is an apartment).

But, in the average Italian city (not farm), the families with two and three kids are the ones with the high incomes, bigger apartments, and heck, cars that seat more than two people.