Lesbian but otherwise very traditional

[Anonymous]

I’m always seeing magazine articles and hearing talk about poly, throuples, kink, open relationships etc etc but I don’t want anything to do with any of it.
The thought of my partner having romantic or sexual contact with someone else absolutely makes me sick to my stomach.
I also wonder, do many people participating in these things really, truly want it? Just because something is consensual doesn’t mean it is good or that it honors each person’s dignity and value as a human being.
This makes me feel like an outlier in many LGBTQ circles.
Also, it feels like I’m pressured to think a certain way because I am not straight, and if I’m to expect people (including cis/straight people) to wholly accept me as a gay person, then I need to wholly accept everyone’s everything.

[Anonymous]

I know quite a few lesbians who feel the same as you, although you probably wouldn't know it after a quick conversation.

The interests of lesbians are the not the same as the interests of the "LBGTQ" community. My advice to you is to keep meeting new people until you find a group who is more in line with your values.

[Anonymous]

Stop. The majority of stable couples (of any sexual orientation) don't do this. This is just for a minority of people.

Don't read the mags, OP. Don't you know how they work? They need to sell new content every week. Cosmo has endless articles about new products and repackages relationship advice every week. This is the same thing. The magazine is selling you a sexual situation product, that hardly anyone ever enters into, just because it has to keep selling copies, and this is something people live vicariously, just like the other crap in other mags!

So calm down and relax. Most people live boring, classic lives.

[Anonymous]

I know plenty of queer people who only do committed monogamous relationships. Most of my queer friends are nonjudgmental about poly, kink, open relationships, etc. but most of them also don't want it for themselves. My friends in poly relationships and into kink are really very much into it, I promise. My friends who are not into kink or poly anything within their own relationships will still fight for the right for those who are to live and love as they please. But I guess you would say we aren't "good" or "honoring each person’s dignity and value as a human being" because we think everyone should be allowed to make that call for themselves.

[Anonymous]

The only people I know who do ethical non monogamy are all straight. The queer people I know are monogamists in long term relationships or just regular single people who date around.

[Anonymous]

I’m a happily married gay women with a child. No cheating, swinging etc. none of our couple friends are into that either..

[Anonymous]

I think those types of couples consist of one who wants to do all things with all people and one who wants to keep the first one. One of them has cake, the other eats shlt.

[Anonymous]

I'm a trans woman in a mono relationship. It seems like a lot of people in the trans community are poly and I totally get what you're saying. It makes me feel like a minority in a minority. I have had to tell people frequently that I'm mono and one person that I was starting a friendship with disappeared after we hung out a few times and she realized that no, we weren't going to have sex. That was really discouraging because I put time and mental energy into that.

[Anonymous]

Boring married lesbian with 2 teens. Our lives revolve around carpooling kids to their sporting events, attending our kids' sporting events, driving school carpool, hosting a bunch of teens at our house every weekend, doing errands (why so many errands?!?!), and figuring out what is for dinner every night (bane of my existence.) 99% of our friends are straight couples/parents of our kids' friends.

Wouldn't change a thing.

[Anonymous]

I get what you’re saying. However, it’s one thing to accept someone into society and treat them as equals regardless of how they identify sexually, and it’s quite another to expect everyone to participate. I’m guessing you’re not expected to participate. It sounds like you’re not even experiencing this personally, among friends and neighbors, but you’re reading about it in magazines or maybe hearing friend of a friend stories. I think this is when it’s appropriate to suggest you worry less about what’s happening in other people’s bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know who do ethical non monogamy are all straight. The queer people I know are monogamists in long term relationships or just regular single people who date around.

Well please don't speak for all of us. Btw, I hate the term straight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boring married lesbian with 2 teens. Our lives revolve around carpooling kids to their sporting events, attending our kids' sporting events, driving school carpool, hosting a bunch of teens at our house every weekend, doing errands (why so many errands?!?!), and figuring out what is for dinner every night (bane of my existence.) 99% of our friends are straight couples/parents of our kids' friends.

Wouldn't change a thing.

You are my people!

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean, op. The constant navel gazing of people who are into fringe behavior does give the impression it is more commonplace. But the reality is only about 2% of the population is gay and some fraction of that population is into those kinks, etc. So, no, it’s not common at all. It’s just that the people who are tend to be very loud about it in search of validation and acceptance.

[Anonymous]

They need to change the LGBTQ+ whatever into single lettered groups

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They need to change the LGBTQ+ whatever into single lettered groups

Pull up that ladder behind you.