Projective Identification - real life examples?

[Anonymous]

I recently saw this Washington Post article about projective identification: https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/02/13/projection-relationships-conflict-management/ The gist of the article is that a source of conflict between couples comes from one person projecting their insecurities/issues on their partner, and then the partner starts to think that they do in fact have that insecurity/issue, but it's all a misunderstanding. Both sides can fall into the cycle and the the thing that the person fears winds up happening. Is this a real thing? Has anyone experienced this? The examples they give in the article get me a bit turned around. Anyone have first hand experience besides the one partner feeling like the second partner is cheating on them?

[Anonymous]

This is not something healthy, mentally stable people do regularly, OP. It’s a classic defense mechanism associated with borderline personality disorder. The other one is “splitting.”

Classic projective identification goes something like: “I’m a bad person, and I hate myself. You are being nice to me; therefore, you are a bad person and I hate you too.” This lets the hate be directed outward, at least some of the time, because sitting around hating yourself all of the time is intolerable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not something healthy, mentally stable people do regularly, OP. It’s a classic defense mechanism associated with borderline personality disorder. The other one is “splitting.”

Classic projective identification goes something like: “I’m a bad person, and I hate myself. You are being nice to me; therefore, you are a bad person and I hate you too.” This lets the hate be directed outward, at least some of the time, because sitting around hating yourself all of the time is intolerable.

This sounds pretty extreme, whereas the Washington Post article makes it sound like it could be a common occurrence. I’m trying to figure out if this is applicable in my relationship but maybe my partner is just regular-projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not something healthy, mentally stable people do regularly, OP. It’s a classic defense mechanism associated with borderline personality disorder. The other one is “splitting.”

Classic projective identification goes something like: “I’m a bad person, and I hate myself. You are being nice to me; therefore, you are a bad person and I hate you too.” This lets the hate be directed outward, at least some of the time, because sitting around hating yourself all of the time is intolerable.

This sounds pretty extreme, whereas the Washington Post article makes it sound like it could be a common occurrence. I’m trying to figure out if this is applicable in my relationship but maybe my partner is just regular-projecting.

It is a common occurrence. It’s also not consistently negative. It runs the gamut. It can be quite positive, such as positive projections of a student or coworker which they internalize.