Why do I feel bad saying no to sibling ?
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Anonymous
| I’m having a birthday party for my 11 year old. This is far past the age that people should be asking if they can bring siblings. One mom asked me if she could bring a sibling. the party venue technically can accommodate more kids but my party room is full. |
Anonymous
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These are crocodile tears, OP!
No, you don't feel sad. |
Anonymous
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Why is it way past the age? Many families haven't had the same experience as you and are not aware. There are many internationals and transients in this area.
So ditch the attitude and just regretfully say no, the party room is full. Sheesh. |
Anonymous
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You're a people pleaser? Saying no in this situation is totally reasonable.
You come from Guess Culture instead of Ask Culture? https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/ |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't feel bad at all. |
Anonymous
| Just say that you're sorry but can't accommodate siblings. It's fine. |
Anonymous
Because 11 year old kids can be dropped off, not like 4-5 year olds. |
Anonymous
Not OP but a really interesting article. I would be a Guess culture from this piece and it absolutely feels rude when people ask certain things since it puts me in the spot of having to say no. Hinting at what you want is much more polite. |
Anonymous
Op here. When my kids were younger, I can remember two times that I had both kids. Dh had work. I would decline and say that I couldn’t make it because I had both kids. One time host said I should bring both kids. Another time host said nothing and accepted my no. This was back when my kid was in preschool. I have never asked or taken a sibling to an elementary school party. The invitations were far less. I was just happy my child was invited to a party. Over the years, we got to know families and family would invite our entire family but that is a different situation. I would never put host on the spot and ask if I can bring a sibling who does not know the birthday child. Every single person on our guest list has siblings. My child picked a fun venue and I am sure every single sibling would have a fun time at the venue. |
Anonymous
+1 For an 11 year old drop off party? Just say no. |
Anonymous
OP doesn’t have an attitude. It is most certainly way past the age of siblings tagging along. This mom wants an afternoon to herself while you babysit both her kids. |
Anonymous
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I don’t think you feel guilty at having to say no. You feel uncomfortable that negative feelings may be directed towards you by saying no, but don’t really care about the sibling feeling sad that they can’t come or the parent feeling irritated that her kid can’t come.
It’s not that you are super nice, it is that you have trouble standing up for yourself in these small situations. I don’t blame you for your feelings (there is nothing wrong with them) but you should see this as an opportunity to be polite yet firm and to accept any negativity towards you with equanimity because my guess is that if you have trouble with this small situation, you probably have trouble standing up for yourself in cases that really matter. This is good practice for you to develop that skill, OP, since the stakes are so low. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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I guess the question is - is there an actual, compelling reason for this parent to need to bring the sibling, especially since this should be a drop off party at 11?
Dad just died or recently divorced, and kids are having a hard time being separated? Yes, please, the more the merrier. A matter of not being a no person? No, thanks, although the truth is I’ll still be kind and allow for it. But, your kid will now be limited in anything else we do. |
Anonymous
| Only time I would say "no" to a sibling is if the parents do not stay back to keep an eye on them. |
Anonymous
Sure but it depends on how far away the venue is. If it’s close, drop off is easy. If not, parent with smaller kid has to hang around and wait. |