Who do you need most post-retirement? Siblings, friends or children?

[Anonymous]

I've kids and siblings in different states. I like where I live and have lots of friends. I do have to retire and sell the giant McMansion to downsize. What I can't figure out is where to retire. Who do you need most in old age? Children? Siblings? Friends? I can't have it all.

[Anonymous]

Can’t count on children to be around. They have their own lives, might move for jobs. Still you’d prefer not to be too far.

Siblings… mine are in England and Australia lol.

I guess that just leaves friends!

[Anonymous]

I think you have to figure out where you want to live on your own because if you move to be near someone else, what will you do if they decide to move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to figure out where you want to live on your own because if you move to be near someone else, what will you do if they decide to move?

Well, two brothers have lived in same metroplex for 50 years. I find it unlikely for them to move. Their children grew up there, went to college and now work there.

[Anonymous]

You need them all, so that no group is overburdened.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only. Family on other continents. I might just go back to my home country when I'm old, even though my friends are here. I'm not sure. This is the price of internationality.

[Anonymous]

From what I’ve seen, if siblings have a good relationship, there is someone to socialize with. This is good when you both are healthy. They can usually deal with short term illness. But not usually good when something major or long term happens.

If you have a good relationship with your kids, they won’t be your social life, but will be there to deal with major health issues. How often you see them and grandkids varies. I tried to see mine once a week. Usually went over for one meal on the weekends. But being close was invaluable once the illnesses/issues started happening rapid fire.

[Anonymous]

My kids will stay close to me because they need my help in raising my grandkids. If they don't have children, they can be far away from me and I will live in a cruise ship or a marriott residence inn.

[Anonymous]

Your question is a bit misleading. What you need most are friends, absolutely. But they are also at least theoretically, make-able anywhere.

In your position, I'd be asking myself a few questions:

1) Are my kids in a stable location?
2) Are there grandkids, or are there grandkids on the horizon?
3) If I'm downsizing, do I have the flexibility, monetarily, to have two small homes?
4) How good am I at making friends?
5) Just being honest with myself, what do I WANT? What sounds most appealing, irrelevant of details?
6) Is it possible to make a temporary decisions and change it up in a few years? I would think this is particularly valuable if your kids are transient and/or don't have kids but may at some point. The pull of grandkids can be VERY strong, but picking up your life to move to the town where your flighty, single 28 year old lives would be silly. In this scenario, you might want to get a condo or something near your friends or siblings for now, and then see what happens.
7) Is it all about people, or does the place matter, too? (this is very individual)
8) How easy is it to get to these places? With loved ones all spread around, I would be way less likely to pick a place that's two hours away from the nearest airport.

[Anonymous]

My parents chose to stay where they were, because they have a really full life there. This year they rented a place near me for a month in the winter (we're somewhere warm) which was great. My sibling moved about an hour from them, to be close enough. They are far from their siblings - they wish they were closer, but the sibs are scattered and no one wants to move.

I guess from observing this, it seems like it depends on how full your life is in any given place, and how much help you need.

[Anonymous]

It just depends. But it's striking to me that one's spouse or partner, or lack thereof, isn't on the list here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question is a bit misleading. What you need most are friends, absolutely. But they are also at least theoretically, make-able anywhere.

In your position, I'd be asking myself a few questions:

1) Are my kids in a stable location?
2) Are there grandkids, or are there grandkids on the horizon?
3) If I'm downsizing, do I have the flexibility, monetarily, to have two small homes?
4) How good am I at making friends?
5) Just being honest with myself, what do I WANT? What sounds most appealing, irrelevant of details?
6) Is it possible to make a temporary decisions and change it up in a few years? I would think this is particularly valuable if your kids are transient and/or don't have kids but may at some point. The pull of grandkids can be VERY strong, but picking up your life to move to the town where your flighty, single 28 year old lives would be silly. In this scenario, you might want to get a condo or something near your friends or siblings for now, and then see what happens.
7) Is it all about people, or does the place matter, too? (this is very individual)
8) How easy is it to get to these places? With loved ones all spread around, I would be way less likely to pick a place that's two hours away from the nearest airport.

This list is a great one, though I’d note that making new, close-enough friends later in life isn’t super easy - said as someone who does make friends pretty easily. If a retiree has an established, close network of friends where they are, why uproot entirely for siblings, especially if it’s them over your kids? Children and grandchildren are more compelling, if you’re going to make that kind of big move.

[Anonymous]

Having watched my parents age, I think being near your friends but easily accessible to your children works out pretty well. Day in, day out, it was nice for them to do things with their friends, but when they needed help from my siblings or me, it mattered how fast and easily we could get there.

[Anonymous]

When I was retiring soon I tried to find a place I liked in a community I liked that was near one of my kids or near my sister, but I couldn't. I ended up buying a condo I love in a community I love in a state I love and resigned to stay in touch with family with phone, video and visits.

The huge bonus has been that I love the people in my new community and have made some great friends here. That's a big deal for me because before retirement my friends were mostly work friends and my socializing was mostly family.

I'd say all three are important but for me friends are what make my life fun and interesting on a daily basis. Having said that I'm also in close communication with my kids and sister.

[Anonymous]

I would rank them:

1, spouse or BFF
2. Kids
3. Siblings
4. Friends

Note that this list assumes reliability and their own independence. People change so the last changes.