Why do I do this? It’s so passive aggressive, isn’t it?

[Anonymous]

*I have no intent of making this religious, only stating my own personal feelings and trying to understand why I let this situation bother me as much as I do.

I’m a “cultural Catholic”. I disagree with and can’t get behind the beliefs of the church. I occasionally go to church with my mother for the sense of nostalgia and ritual that I experience while there. End of story. I had my children and was still practicing at the time, so my children were all baptized. I’ve sense been disillusioned and they have nothing further to do with the church. But I’ve never told any of this to my MIL and I think it’s because of how harshly and unflinchingly she judges Catholicism as a whole. The hypocritical part is, I agree with her!

She refused to attend when our children were baptized but happily came to play Perfect Grandma at the luncheon we hosted after each baptism. She otherwise harshly makes fun of Catholicism and almost looks to cause a reaction, like it’s a game and she hopes to upset me.

Why do I do this? It’s this stupid game I play. I don’t want her to think she “won” somehow if I say, it’s fine Jane, we aren’t practicing anymore and the church is BS, because she was just so blatantly horrible to me when I WAS practicing. Does that make sense?

Why do I do this and how should I proceed?

[Anonymous]

Seems like you are making something out of nothing.

[Anonymous]

No idea where the question is….

[Anonymous]

Do you mean why haven't you told her you're not a practicing Catholic? Hasn't your DH told her this?

I'd just ignore her. How often can it possibly come up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No idea where the question is….

Why do I keep pretending to be religious to stick it to my MIL? Is it because she judges me so harshly when she thinks I am practicing? How do I stop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean why haven't you told her you're not a practicing Catholic? Hasn't your DH told her this?

I'd just ignore her. How often can it possibly come up?

She loves to talk politics, so often, especially in this women’s rights climate. She will bring it up instigating, looking to get a rise out of me. Only I agree with her! Why do I do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean why haven't you told her you're not a practicing Catholic? Hasn't your DH told her this?

I'd just ignore her. How often can it possibly come up?

She loves to talk politics, so often, especially in this women’s rights climate. She will bring it up instigating, looking to get a rise out of me. Only I agree with her! Why do I do this?

Well, because she's a sh*t stirrer and BSC, you don't want to give her any satisfaction.

She sounds extremely unpleasant. I've come across people like this who loves to needle others, and it's natural not wanting to show them that they're getting to you.

I would not engage. Change the subject or just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean why haven't you told her you're not a practicing Catholic? Hasn't your DH told her this?

I'd just ignore her. How often can it possibly come up?

She loves to talk politics, so often, especially in this women’s rights climate. She will bring it up instigating, looking to get a rise out of me. Only I agree with her! Why do I do this?

So just say that you agree politically in small ways while she's talking. You don't have to make a huge stand about this. She sounds obnoxious, for sure. But just ay something like "yes, the Dobbs decision is really disappointing" and move on. Maybe bring up Tucker Carlson, that should keep her busy for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean why haven't you told her you're not a practicing Catholic? Hasn't your DH told her this?

I'd just ignore her. How often can it possibly come up?

She loves to talk politics, so often, especially in this women’s rights climate. She will bring it up instigating, looking to get a rise out of me. Only I agree with her! Why do I do this?

I know many, many devout, practicing Catholics who do NOT agree with parts of the Church's teachings.

[Anonymous]

You stop by accidentally revealing your secret- that you were never Catholic and only did it to bother her.... but now that you get on so great with her, you can acknowledge that it was silly and stop pretending.

[Anonymous]

I think you're protecting your family and how you were brought up from criticism and judgment. I think its coming from loyalty to them and the good parts of being Catholic that you still resonate with. Its complicated and honestly your MIL sounds judgmental so any attitude you're sending is her reaping what she sowed.

[Anonymous]

You don't want her to have the "win". And you don't want her to think you're malleable in other areas because it increases the needling and she sounds awfully annoying from the start.

[Anonymous]

Because she's annoying and does not respect what she thinks are your beliefs!

I think you should lean in to the game. Provoke her with sanctimonious comments, tongue-in-cheek. She'll be very confused.

[Anonymous]

I would totally do the same. I think every time she came to my house, I would put up statues of saints and Mary just to spite her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean why haven't you told her you're not a practicing Catholic? Hasn't your DH told her this?

I'd just ignore her. How often can it possibly come up?

She loves to talk politics, so often, especially in this women’s rights climate. She will bring it up instigating, looking to get a rise out of me. Only I agree with her! Why do I do this?

I know many, many devout, practicing Catholics who do NOT agree with parts of the Church's teachings.

NP and former Catholic. Then they aren’t devout Catholics. Just hypocrites. And those are the worse Catholics imo. Either own the craziness or leave the Church. The Church doesn’t want it any other where and therein lies the problem.