Feeling very sad for my DS.....

[Anonymous]

DS11 has ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, anxiety, and gross motor delays. He is a great kid in so many ways-- funny, upbeat, engaging, likes to contribute positively. But his ADHD (and related struggles) makes absolutely everything so difficult! School, extracurriculars, social life, homework, bedtime, morning time, family relations. Everything.

We have done all the prescribed remedies. Medication (doesn't work well for him), parent training, IEP, school change, etc. Everything helps like 15% and we are still left with a really hard situation.

I feel very sad for him. And this situation is really hard for his parents.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. I feel sad for my DS, too. He's 14 and I'm his best friend and I wish his life was different.

The silver lining is...he seems pretty happy. I just dig deep and find a way to always be in his corner and so far that's enough.

[Anonymous]

So many hugs to you both. My 12 year old is very similar. We seem to be in a better phase right now but it has always been so damn hard.

[Anonymous]

I know this doesn't help but your son is very fortunate to have loving parents like you.

[Anonymous]

+1 to the prior parent!

[Anonymous]

I am so thankful when kids like these have parents like you. ❤️

[Anonymous]

I’m here as a mom of a college junior who had a lot of those issues when he was 11 to tell you that it gets better.

It won’t be easy. But keep doing all the things you are doing, don’t give up, and always let him know that no matter what, you have his back, and home will always be a warm safe space where he will be accepted and loved and where he can rest and reenergize.

I worried about my son so much when he was younger and yet today he is happy and confident and doing so well. Some of it was just maturity—some of these issues do ease up as they grow up. Some of it was meds and therapy and some of it was support from great teachers. Some of it was finding out what he did well and really leaning into those talents so he could feel successful at something.

I know it’s hard but have hope.

[Anonymous]

You’re doing all the right things. He is lucky to have parents like you. Will say an extra prayer for you all tonight ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m here as a mom of a college junior who had a lot of those issues when he was 11 to tell you that it gets better.

It won’t be easy. But keep doing all the things you are doing, don’t give up, and always let him know that no matter what, you have his back, and home will always be a warm safe space where he will be accepted and loved and where he can rest and reenergize.

I worried about my son so much when he was younger and yet today he is happy and confident and doing so well. Some of it was just maturity—some of these issues do ease up as they grow up. Some of it was meds and therapy and some of it was support from great teachers. Some of it was finding out what he did well and really leaning into those talents so he could feel successful at something.

I know it’s hard but have hope.

Bless you for this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m here as a mom of a college junior who had a lot of those issues when he was 11 to tell you that it gets better.

It won’t be easy. But keep doing all the things you are doing, don’t give up, and always let him know that no matter what, you have his back, and home will always be a warm safe space where he will be accepted and loved and where he can rest and reenergize.

I worried about my son so much when he was younger and yet today he is happy and confident and doing so well. Some of it was just maturity—some of these issues do ease up as they grow up. Some of it was meds and therapy and some of it was support from great teachers. Some of it was finding out what he did well and really leaning into those talents so he could feel successful at something.

I know it’s hard but have hope.

Bless you for this post.

+1 Lots of parents needed this. Thank you

[Anonymous]

I felt this post in my heart. My DS is 8 and we are still discovering exactly what his struggles are, but yes to ADHD, speech/language delay and probably a lower IQ. He is the sweetest kid and I love having him around, but everything is such a struggle for him. And he is beginning to notice in school that things are much easier for his peers. He doesn't have any true friends either and it makes me feel so sad for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS11 has ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, anxiety, and gross motor delays. He is a great kid in so many ways-- funny, upbeat, engaging, likes to contribute positively. But his ADHD (and related struggles) makes absolutely everything so difficult! School, extracurriculars, social life, homework, bedtime, morning time, family relations. Everything.

We have done all the prescribed remedies. Medication (doesn't work well for him), parent training, IEP, school change, etc. Everything helps like 15% and we are still left with a really hard situation.

I feel very sad for him. And this situation is really hard for his parents.

BTDT. Certain things get better, certain things don’t and different things arise. My younger DC has a similar complicated profile. He did not have gross motor delays but has everything else and a few others. The most severe is the dyslexia and dysgraphia. The ADHD seems to be related to how much they can do at one time. They do not seem to be plagued with the organizational issues others with ADHD have. His therapist and his evaluator have said that their anxiety is helpful on that part. But we had to give them a ton of down time. They also have some rigidity to certain things that I had hoped would ease up by now.

Think of the down time as some of their ECs.

One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. You cannot solve everything at once, you have to prioritize, do one thing and be able to let go of some things.

We pared down ECs to just scouts and our Congregation’s youth group. Each were once a week with an occasional weekend thrown in. They wanted to quit scouts, but we said they had to pick something else to replace it. They stayed for the duration. I let go of trying to find an instrument or sport or something else like theatre or whatever. They have played Pokémon and still do. We also did not even try a foreign language and that allowed them to find fun non-academic classes. Their strengths are in math and science so they took extra classes there in HS and only 6 classes in 11th and 12th grade. We were in FCPS.

They couldn’t handle more socialization than was already prescribed and that was ok. There was another child that was similar that they knew since K and the five minutes a day they saw each other at school was enough. They did form a tight knit group in college. They are in grad school now and still have never dated. My Dad was like that and he eventually found my mom. So, I am hopeful.

Covid happened when they were in college and set them back a bit, I keep telling myself it will take time to recover. Small steps moving forward add up over time.

(((Hugs)))) to you. Take care of yourself. I found some camaraderie among other parents with similar kids. Getting away every once in a while helps some- daily walks outside help more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have done all the prescribed remedies... Everything helps like 15% and we are still left with a really hard situation.

I can relate to this OP! The 15%.