How close you are to your young adult (20's)'s SO
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Anonymous
| Just want to know what others do to learn not to over pull or push. |
Anonymous
| Not very. I expect nothing and accept as much as they're offering. It would be different in a long-term serious relationship, maybe. |
Anonymous
| It's not my job to be close to my kids SO. I invited them to holiday dinners or other things if they are so inclined but I am not trying to be buddy buddy with them. If they are engaged and/or married, yes I would want a closer relationship but now, my DC could break up with them at any time and I do not want to have a feeling about them either way. I shouldn't feel it as a loss to me or my family if they do break up. I have seen far too many women do that, fully envelope the SO into the family, even their own family, and then the break up is that much more traumatic and the DC doesn't feel they can come to the mother for impartial advice because she's too invested. |
Anonymous
| What if they've been together for few years and your DC says they are the one and its just a matter of time before they commit? |
Anonymous
| Not at all close. When my kids bring them home we chat casually, but that's it. I don't follow them on social media or have their phone numbers to text them. |
Anonymous
I'm the PP right above your comment and I still say no, not close. My DS and his GF have been together for almost three years. |
Anonymous
Why not? |
Anonymous
I already said. It is not MY relationship, it's theirs. Until and unless they are married, that is how it is. If they are married, the SO (significant other) becomes part of the family, but not until the are engaged in my mind. I have friends who befriended their kids SO and their entire families. They followed each other on social media, talked often, did parties and dinners together. Low and behold the kids broke up and tons of gossiping and blaming went on, shattering those "friendships". WAY too much drama. They also go involved in family matters with the SO such as family arguments where the SO was kicked out of the house and went to stay with my friends family, causing even more drama between the families. It was bad. I will never do that. It's not my relationship. I also never want my DC to feel that they can't come to me for advise or too confide in me because they think i am too close to their SO to be on their side or be non judgemental. |
Anonymous
| We have them both to dinner when we can, or take them out to dinner, and at this point have invited them to join us on family vacations. So far they've done holidays with their own families |
Anonymous
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I value people who are good to and for my children, no matter friends, teachers, colleagues or in-laws. Of course, significant others are more special. Its easier to embrace them if your kid and SO are serious with each other and interested in getting to know the families. If they aren't then its a futile exercise.
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Anonymous
| I know their college friends, have met them a couple times and taken them to dinner. DC will Occasionally put me on speaker when their SO is around so we’ve had casual convos - but I have not met them in person yet -It is still a new relationship. A couple of times we jumped on a group text for a short lived topic. I’m happy to get to know the people in DCs life but take their lead. Also it is important to me that there are boundaries since It is their relationship not mine. We support their relationship but if push comes to shove I support my DC. No other way those cookies will crumble. I do miss the MS and HS friends though who we knew So Well, we knew their parents, even their siblings were given rides, stayed over, swam at our pool etc. Even now those kids would be so open and unguarded around us because childhood families are precious bonds. But I accept that this next phase is part of the growing up process and letting them live their lives choose who is in it etc. I’m happy for them and for our relationship. |