Advice for a co-worker who has asked for my help

[Anonymous]

I have a co-worker, technically a subordinate whose boss is my direct report. Anyway, he has suffered the loss of his father, a very sick mother, and now a terminal cancer diagnosis for his wife within a calendar year. They have two small children. The story goes that they are being asked to leave his wife's family's house where they are currently staying. He asked for my help since his boss said I am a whiz with money and have always freely offered to assist anyone. Specifically, he asked for help purchasing a house. He acknowledged they have not been good with money, have no savings, and that they overspend frequently. I told him I would be happy to help, suggested a time to talk, and offered that buying a house might not be the best decision given his lack of down payment and very uncertain financial future. He replied that the times I suggested were not good, but that buying "a house of her own" was his wife's dream.

Assuming we do find a time to talk, I am not sure how to give advice. It occurs to me that I should say that I am a conservative financial planner and am not the right person to seek help from if buying a house is the goal. I could also walk him through his finances and see if there is a way to do it. I feel paralyzed. Any advice for me?

[Anonymous]

Esh! This sounds like a messy situation for you OP. I’m sorry. And of course my heart goes out to your subordinate and his family.

Assuming you do find a time to talk, I’d start by asking what advice he wants from you and let that lead the conversation. Let him volunteer whatever personal financial info he wants to, don’t ask for it. Stick with sharing options and the pros and cons of each. For example, little or nothing down loans have higher monthly payments, and less budget space for other savings goals and expenses. Don’t recommend what you’d do if you were him because you aren’t him. For example, you can walk him through the home buying process and associated fees, but I wouldn’t recommend advising him whether to buy. I’m financially conservative but I know I’d adopt a much more carpe diem approach if I or a family member had a terminal diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Esh! This sounds like a messy situation for you OP. I’m sorry. And of course my heart goes out to your subordinate and his family.

Assuming you do find a time to talk, I’d start by asking what advice he wants from you and let that lead the conversation. Let him volunteer whatever personal financial info he wants to, don’t ask for it. Stick with sharing options and the pros and cons of each. For example, little or nothing down loans have higher monthly payments, and less budget space for other savings goals and expenses. Don’t recommend what you’d do if you were him because you aren’t him. For example, you can walk him through the home buying process and associated fees, but I wouldn’t recommend advising him whether to buy. I’m financially conservative but I know I’d adopt a much more carpe diem approach if I or a family member had a terminal diagnosis.

Good advice. Thanks for weighing in.

[Anonymous]

His wife has terminal cancer, they have two small children, and the WIFE'S FAMILY is telling them to leave their house?

This poor guy has a lot going on.

He needs help prioritizing and problem solving. He is grieving, and probably isn't thinking clearly. You are good with money, but maybe not with these other things.

He needs:

- to find a new place to stay that he can afford (if they had been staying with wife's family... had they even been paying rent?)

- to be able to pay rent even if he isn't working (due to wife's terminal illness)

- to pay for day care for the kids (was wife a SAHM or working before the illness?)

Wife "always wanted a home of her own" but that just may not be at all practical right now. He needs to focus on just getting a stable living situation right?

[Anonymous]

It depends where he lives. In dc for example there is the HPAP program which requires 2 months of classes (once per week in the evening) on financial planning as it relates to owning a home. The greater Washington urban league manages the program in dc. The lack of much of a down payment is really not a problem but they will go through with him and his wife frankly what they need to do to make this a reality for them in financial terms that are realistic. They will help him clean up credit, budget and really teach all the things that should be taught when we are in high school.

The people who go through programs like that have low default rates. Also the classes start basically every month. So while buying a house won’t be imminent, just being in the class starts to make it real. That will certainly help his and his wife morale.

[Anonymous]

With all these people dying he is probably going to inherit some money and wants to be responsible with it. Just give him some general advice such as look into the First Time Home Buyers program for buying a house. They will give him some financial and credit training before issuing him a mortgage.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it, what kind of help does he want? For you to lend him money or just advice?