My girlfriend is upset because my friends tagged along on 2 of our dates

[Anonymous]

I haven’t seen my girlfriend in two months and she drove up here yesterday (3 hours away). We made plans to go out last night and I bought tickets to the place in dc. Last night my friend called and said he was going to be close by, so I told him we were going to be out that way too and we could get together for a quick drink. I told her that we were going to meet up with him and the new girl he was seeing for a quick drink. She rolled her eyes and said, “really? We haven’t seen each other in two months and our first night together we’re meeting with your friends?”. I told her it was going to be one quick drink and she started getting ready and seemed fine by the time we left the house. They tagged along with us at 2 spots before heading home. Today we were supposed to go to my friend’s cocktail hour at his home later this evening and she was going to meet up with a friend that she hadn’t seen in a while before the cocktail hour. Both plans got canceled today and so I suggested we walk to this fun place in dc that’s our spot, sit outside to enjoy the weather, and have brunch. She threw on some sweats (super casual place we were gong to). When she was done getting ready, my friend who canceled his cocktail party said he was done still have a drink today, so I told him we were going to be in that area getting a drink. He replied and asked where. Before I told him where I asked my girlfriend if she was cool with him coming. She said, “wait are you joking or is this some funny test to see what I would say?”. I told her I was seriously asking and she seemed a little annoyed and said it was up to me.

We left the house and I told her he was coming. Her attitude completely changed and she got really upset with me. She said why didn’t he tell him that we had plans today and I said she should’ve just told me no when I asked if it was okay because I didn’t see it as a big deal. She said that she had communicated to me the night before and this morning (we talked about it again) about her disappointment about spending time with friends when we hadn’t seen each other in months, so she said why would I need to say it for a third time. She said that she wanted me to want to spend time with this just the two of us. She said a lot of the times when we go out my friends as there (not completely true). I told her this could’ve been avoided if she had just told me know when I asked if it was okay. She said we hadn’t seen each other in months and she drove hours to see me and even told me exactly why she was upset but I clearly wasn’t listening to her.

This is all seems so silly and juvenile. Was it really a big deal?

[Anonymous]

Before the thread continues, OP, might you please commit that this is a fairly accurate reflection of your actual situation, and neither a repost from another person's question somewhere else, nor you posting as someone else in this scenario (e.g., the girlfriend wanting feedback)?

I think it would help in the quality of the answers. The bait-and-switch stuff gets tiresome. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

You have very different views of going out. My spouse and I are like you - unless one of us doesn’t like someone, we’re considerate of that kind of thing. And when we were in one of our long distance periods, we were still like you. But clearly your girlfriend doesn’t feel the same.

[Anonymous]

She seems high maintenance and mildly controlling or just immature. That being said her annoyance at the idea of inviting your friend would have indicated to me not to invite him. She could have just as easily said no I just want it to be us today.

Not sure she’d be a keeper if this is constant. If it’s a one off because she hasn’t seen you in awhile let it go.

[Anonymous]

YTA.

[Anonymous]

Your girlfriend is right in this situation. She conveyed she wanted one on one time and let the first night go. You should have read the room. Apologize and be more considerate.

I would dump you.

[Anonymous]

If I drove 3 hours to see my boyfriend that I hadn't seen it 2 months, I would be completely annoyed. She didn't go to all that trouble to see some randos. Maybe one drink the first night, but on the second day it was rude on your part to not put her first. You clearly gave her the message that one on one time was not that important to you. If you saw each other all the time, this wouldn't be such a big deal, but in this context, you were extremely inconsiderate in my opinion,

[Anonymous]

She's feeling rejected because you aren't as anxious to spend quality time with her as she is with you. It might just be that your definitions of quality time matter, but there's nothing wrong with her wanting to be with someone who's dying to see her after 2 months apart.

[Anonymous]

You said you were meeting a friend for one drink. But then the friend was with you for multiple drinks at two spots. She wants to spend time with you. Or, she did. Not your friends. You should have listened to her.

[Anonymous]

Did you spend the afternoon with the friends or was it just another quick drink? If the latter then she’s just annoying, if you let that person tag along all afternoon you’re annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t seen my girlfriend in two months and she drove up here yesterday (3 hours away). We made plans to go out last night and I bought tickets to the place in dc. Last night my friend called and said he was going to be close by, so I told him we were going to be out that way too and we could get together for a quick drink. I told her that we were going to meet up with him and the new girl he was seeing for a quick drink. She rolled her eyes and said, “really? We haven’t seen each other in two months and our first night together we’re meeting with your friends?”. I told her it was going to be one quick drink and she started getting ready and seemed fine by the time we left the house. They tagged along with us at 2 spots before heading home. Today we were supposed to go to my friend’s cocktail hour at his home later this evening and she was going to meet up with a friend that she hadn’t seen in a while before the cocktail hour. Both plans got canceled today and so I suggested we walk to this fun place in dc that’s our spot, sit outside to enjoy the weather, and have brunch. She threw on some sweats (super casual place we were gong to). When she was done getting ready, my friend who canceled his cocktail party said he was done still have a drink today, so I told him we were going to be in that area getting a drink. He replied and asked where. Before I told him where I asked my girlfriend if she was cool with him coming. She said, “wait are you joking or is this some funny test to see what I would say?”. I told her I was seriously asking and she seemed a little annoyed and said it was up to me.

We left the house and I told her he was coming. Her attitude completely changed and she got really upset with me. She said why didn’t he tell him that we had plans today and I said she should’ve just told me no when I asked if it was okay because I didn’t see it as a big deal. She said that she had communicated to me the night before and this morning (we talked about it again) about her disappointment about spending time with friends when we hadn’t seen each other in months, so she said why would I need to say it for a third time. She said that she wanted me to want to spend time with this just the two of us. She said a lot of the times when we go out my friends as there (not completely true). I told her this could’ve been avoided if she had just told me know when I asked if it was okay. She said we hadn’t seen each other in months and she drove hours to see me and even told me exactly why she was upset but I clearly wasn’t listening to her.

This is all seems so silly and juvenile. Was it really a big deal?

It's important to her. If you think it's silly and juvenile then she will probably start looking for someone who doesn't pretty soon. Proceed as you will.

[Anonymous]

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is right in this situation. She conveyed she wanted one on one time and let the first night go. You should have read the room. Apologize and be more considerate.

I would dump you.

I agree with this.

You haven’t seen each other in two months, AND she’s the one who made the effort for the two of you to be together. Two days in a row, you decided to go with doing a group thing with your friends. She said it: You weren’t listening to her, and your behavior made your priorities clear.
It’s a big deal. Or, it would be a big deal to me.

[Anonymous]

I’d dump you because you seem to only know how to drink when socializing.

[Anonymous]

Why haven’t you seen each other for two months? Were you not willing to drive the three hours to see her?

You really ought to let her go. It sounds like she cares more about you than you do about her. Having been in this place myself, I know it would have been better to end it sooner rather than later. Don’t keep her on a string just because you are flattered that someone likes you this much.

She deserves much better.