Any chance my DC will stay lovely through high school?

[Anonymous]

Lately my 8th grader has been just so darn… nice.

He’s become thoughtful, and funny, and fun to hang out. He goes out of his way to help me out, cheer me up, and make me laugh. He has a nice group of friends, gets great grades, and has really dedicated himself to some extracuriculars.

I feel like we’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Could this possibly last? He’s always been an easy low-conflict kid, but definitely relates to us in a different way now than he did previously — but in a good way! Most of our friends are having very different experiences with their teenagers and I know we still have a long way to go. Any chance this might last through high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lately my 8th grader has been just so darn… nice.

He’s become thoughtful, and funny, and fun to hang out. He goes out of his way to help me out, cheer me up, and make me laugh. He has a nice group of friends, gets great grades, and has really dedicated himself to some extracuriculars.

I feel like we’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Could this possibly last? He’s always been an easy low-conflict kid, but definitely relates to us in a different way now than he did previously — but in a good way! Most of our friends are having very different experiences with their teenagers and I know we still have a long way to go. Any chance this might last through high school?

I posted something similar a few months ago and got flamed. My 9th grade DD is like this. She has occasional bouts of moodiness or sensitivity but don't we all? Overall she is just a delight and her teachers and friends' parents agree and go out of their way to tell me. Her 6th grade sister is going through the growing pains of middle school, which my older daughter did too, so I'm hoping she turns out similarly but she has a lot more anxiety than DD one so I'm really not sure.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of it is genetics, OP. Were you and your husband relatively easy-going adolescents? My husband and I were not rebellious or confrontational as teens, and our teens are like that too. One of them has always been as mild as milk, the other is opinionated but also quite rational.

[Anonymous]

I always worry about complacency at such a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always worry about complacency at such a young age.

I'm one of the PP's here. Its definitely NOT complacency. My girls push hard for things they want - sometimes they get them and sometimes they don't - but we are open to discussions and we talk a lot about how to disagree respectfully. They are definitely not doormats and they are not always easy to parent. But overall they are still mostly respectful and trying to do the right things in life as they make their way and find out who they are.

[Anonymous]

I like my kids too! Moody occasionally and can be a pain - but who isn’t. I am enjoying being the mother of teens - one is getting ready to leave home and the other is well into high school. It could happen for you too!

[Anonymous]

My high school senior is lovely, and I'll miss him next year! Has he had his teenage moments? Yes, and I know there may be more to come. Whether or not the sweet moments last, enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always worry about complacency at such a young age.

I'm one of the PP's here. Its definitely NOT complacency. My girls push hard for things they want - sometimes they get them and sometimes they don't - but we are open to discussions and we talk a lot about how to disagree respectfully. They are definitely not doormats and they are not always easy to parent. But overall they are still mostly respectful and trying to do the right things in life as they make their way and find out who they are.

Okay. Try substituting the word "happiness" for "complacency".

[Anonymous]

Who knows? Maybe yes, maybe no.

My DS did the soiling the nest deal his last year in high school, and it was tough. But in a way it worked out well when we took him to college and drove off. No tears on either side because we were both more than ready for a break from each other.

My DD (now 16) was a delight and joy until around 15. I thought well aren't I lucky and it'll be like this forever. Wrong! She's still a good kid, she just reached Mom and Dad are obstacles to my desire for constant fun stage.

But enjoy it and try not to think about what might happen down the line!

[Anonymous]

My 8th grade son is sweet. I used to worry that he would lose it but now I just think it’s his personality.

[Anonymous]

I was an easygoing teen. My son was a PITA for about three years but now he is wonderful at age 17.

[Anonymous]

I think the secret is to be completely happy and satisfied with whatever your child is like. Don't try to change them.
My mom was annoyed that she had an unfeminine, quirky daughter who wore boyish clothes and liked science fiction. She was always obviously dissatisfied with me. My cousin was overweight and his mother was always pushing him to diet and play sports. Both of us were very unpleasant teenagers!
My sister and my other cousin were feminine, pretty girls who did not do well in school. Their parents were perfectly happy with them and they were both delightful teenagers. Two other cousins were your standard video game-playing boys with no academic ambitions, their parents were happy with them and they were very pleasant to their family as well. No conflicts at all.

[Anonymous]

My kid was/is like this. What I struggle with most is when he comes home from school and is tired. I’ll say “how was your day?” “Fine.” “Anything interesting happen?” “No” even though something of interest must have happened in 7 hours. It comes across as sullen and withdrawn but is probably just tiredness.

He usually gets in a better mood after a little time to decompress and food.

[Anonymous]

Both my kids were great teens and now wonderful twenty-somethings. But, then, I was also an engaged, supportive, consistent, loving mom all their childhood, so why would they become evil teens? Some moodiness and low times are normal but they had me, DH, siblings, friends and relatives.

Knock on wood. Fairly average, balmy and pleasant years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the secret is to be completely happy and satisfied with whatever your child is like. Don't try to change them.
My mom was annoyed that she had an unfeminine, quirky daughter who wore boyish clothes and liked science fiction. She was always obviously dissatisfied with me. My cousin was overweight and his mother was always pushing him to diet and play sports. Both of us were very unpleasant teenagers!
My sister and my other cousin were feminine, pretty girls who did not do well in school. Their parents were perfectly happy with them and they were both delightful teenagers. Two other cousins were your standard video game-playing boys with no academic ambitions, their parents were happy with them and they were very pleasant to their family as well. No conflicts at all.

This. Kids are a result of parenting.