Uncomfortable eating at other peoples houses

[Anonymous]

So tonight I got dragged to a Super Bowl party by my boyfriend. It was at his friend’s home. I don’t know these people super well and they also had maybe 10 other people there I don’t know. There was a ton of food and I couldn’t bring myself to eat a thing. I felt so uncomfortable. Everyone was eating. The host asked me why I didn’t eat before we were getting ready to leave. Was I rude not to eat? In certain situations I have always been uncomfortable eating in front of people I don’t know very well (at someone’s home, not at a restaurant). I’m not sure why I feel this way…Maybe I’m worried they will think, “Look at what she’s putting on her plate… look at what she’s eating and how she’s stuffing her face. Should she really be eating that?” It makes me self conscious and I know it’s irrational. The food was set up on a kitchen island and everyone was standing around it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s weird and ungracious.

[Anonymous]

The host shouldn’t have commented on what you ate or didn’t eat. That was rude.

But. You need to take this up with a therapist. You deserve to live without that level of anxiety about it.

[Anonymous]

It's polite at least to pretend to eat something. Just make a small plate and nibble on a chip or piece of bread or something.

[Anonymous]

I would have just said I met a friend for a long lunch earlier or whatever... As a host I might have felt bad I did not accommodate a special diet need and offered something else or wondered if you were ill.

[Anonymous]

You're fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The host shouldn’t have commented on what you ate or didn’t eat. That was rude.

But. You need to take this up with a therapist. You deserve to live without that level of anxiety about it.

+ 1 on both issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's polite at least to pretend to eat something. Just make a small plate and nibble on a chip or piece of bread or something.

No.

I hate food pushers. OP, you aren’t required to eat anything for someone else’s comfort.

The host can eat more if she has issues with the amount consumed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So tonight I got dragged to a Super Bowl party by my boyfriend. It was at his friend’s home. I don’t know these people super well and they also had maybe 10 other people there I don’t know. There was a ton of food and I couldn’t bring myself to eat a thing. I felt so uncomfortable. Everyone was eating. The host asked me why I didn’t eat before we were getting ready to leave. Was I rude not to eat? In certain situations I have always been uncomfortable eating in front of people I don’t know very well (at someone’s home, not at a restaurant). I’m not sure why I feel this way…Maybe I’m worried they will think, “Look at what she’s putting on her plate… look at what she’s eating and how she’s stuffing her face. Should she really be eating that?” It makes me self conscious and I know it’s irrational. The food was set up on a kitchen island and everyone was standing around it.

It sounds to me like you have some sort of eating disorder because that’s not normal. Or maybe a touch narcissist. People really aren’t looking at what you’re doing in the host only noticed because she’s hosting and concerned that people have enough food. She shouldn’t have commented, but you might want to consider digging deeper into why feel feel this.

[Anonymous]

If your BFs friend and family celebrate with food and you can’t eat around people, your about the be an exGF.

So weird. Shows you can’t relax and go with the flow.

I’d nope right out of that if I was him.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it was remotely rude for the host to ask why OP wasn't eating. On the rudeness scale, it was certainly less rude than OP not pretending to eat a little at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So tonight I got dragged to a Super Bowl party by my boyfriend. It was at his friend’s home. I don’t know these people super well and they also had maybe 10 other people there I don’t know. There was a ton of food and I couldn’t bring myself to eat a thing. I felt so uncomfortable. Everyone was eating. The host asked me why I didn’t eat before we were getting ready to leave. Was I rude not to eat? In certain situations I have always been uncomfortable eating in front of people I don’t know very well (at someone’s home, not at a restaurant). I’m not sure why I feel this way…Maybe I’m worried they will think, “Look at what she’s putting on her plate… look at what she’s eating and how she’s stuffing her face. Should she really be eating that?” It makes me self conscious and I know it’s irrational. The food was set up on a kitchen island and everyone was standing around it.

It sounds to me like you have some sort of eating disorder because that’s not normal. Or maybe a touch narcissist. People really aren’t looking at what you’re doing in the host only noticed because she’s hosting and concerned that people have enough food. She shouldn’t have commented, but you might want to consider digging deeper into why feel feel this.

I’ll get flamed, but I disagree. More people should speak up and comment.
Too much saying nothing now a days.

[Anonymous]

I agree you need therapy. I'm sorry, I hope you can find peace with this. Most people truly don't care what you are eating. Somewhere along the way someone hurt you.

[Anonymous]

All my husband's work parties have been with people I'd never seen before, or hardly knew, since he changes teams often.

My job is to act normal, play nice, eat a little.
I have social anxiety, so "Act Normal" is almost like an acting game I play with myself.

Maybe you could think about it in a similar way.

[Anonymous]

The host probably paid no attention to you. You’re fine.