What do you do if, deep down, you're resentful toward your special needs child?

[Anonymous]

Every time my ASD child has a tantrum, it freaks me out inside. I worry about him, and then I start to resent him. Seriously, the tantrums sort of ruin my day.

Please, no snark. I'm doing my best. I'm trying hard not to show how I feel.

[Anonymous]

bump

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry and sending hugs.

It's hard.

You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

I've never been resentful exactly, but every time DS has an ADHD or Aspie or OCD moment, or he's made his teachers mad, or made a perfectly avoidable mistake at home due to these things, I get angry, and I know that anger comes from fear that he won't make it by himself as an adult - or at least, not without getting fired from multiple jobs and people thinking he's very odd.

[Anonymous]

Big hugs to you, OP. The situation is hard.

PP mentioned fear. A lot of the negative emotions stem from fear, when you drill down far enough. It might help to think about that a little more. Maybe it's fear for your child, maybe it's fear you won't get your own needs meet, maybe some complicated mix of a lot of things.

But you can't figure out how to address the root when you can't see it for what it is.

So very hard.

[Anonymous]

This sounds so hard OP. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think it sounds normal and you’re a good person, good parent, doing the best you can. Do you have an outlet for these feelings? A therapist? An hour a week that you get to yourself that not caretaking/work/chores? Sending courage.

[Anonymous]

I'm resentful of how much time I have to put into his care. It's a second job.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child OP?

[Anonymous]

You’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

I got a therapist to talk about this with. It really helped.

[Anonymous]

Put the kid on medication

[Anonymous]

I have a child who has behavioral challenges; they have cost me relationships with friends, put my career on the back burner and negatively affected my other child. I’ve had many different feelings over the years, the biggest and most consistent one being along the lines of “I wish this was easier for all of our sakes” and occasionally “I can’t believe this is my life”. And yes I have resented my kid. The resentment is not fair though, because it creeps in when I unconsciously think this is something my child is choosing or they could be better but they aren’t. And honestly that’s not true. If my life was totally disrupted because my child had cancer I might be angry at the universe or god or whatever but I don’t think I would resent my child. So I try hard to think that these are challenges that we are both facing against our will rather and that helps me a little. But I do agree there’s a lot of fear there; my child should be able to be independent but I worry they won’t be able to have meaningful relationships and will miss out on so much as a result.

[Anonymous]

I relate to you, OP. And I haven’t found a place to talk about these things as they are so taboo.

For me the thought tends to be that if I had known what it would entail, I never would have had my 2nd child. I wish we had just stuck with one.

Obligatory, of course I love my child fiercely but I do not feel up to the task of raising him. It is excruciatingly hard.

[Anonymous]

Therapist for me. It’s the best thing I have done for all of us.

[Anonymous]

I don't resent my DC, although he makes all of our lives difficult and makes the family stressed and unhappy. I do hope that he never has children. I'll never say this to DH because they're so much alike.