Is this a mistake?

[Anonymous]

DH and I are in NYC and are about to embark on a massive reno project for a dream apartment with outdoor space. I'm in my early 60s and he is in his late 50s. Our plan is to move in and then our hope is to have this as a pied-a-terre in about a decade with time also spent out west. I'm excited about this possibility but also wondering, after reading some of the posts here, if this will be a big mistake.

I'm acutely aware that life can come at one fast, especially in the older years. Our thinking is that we may get at least ten good years out of the apartment and perhaps that is enough to think about for now.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a great idea! Do it. Live doesn't end in your 60s and don't plan your life around hypothetical scenarios.

And don't buy into other people's worries. You don't know if you'll experience dementia or physical limitations or if you do, to what degree. The best you can do is invest in your physical and mental health.

Signed, 67 and 70, retired 10 years ago, did a major renovation to add space and update baths and kitchen, no regrets.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it will be a big mistake if it's what you really want to do. It will probably work out the way you hope. Maybe just think about possible alternative outcomes though and have a plan B for what you will do in the future if something unplanned happens. Other than that, I say go for it.

[Anonymous]

Having a nice apartment in NYC sounds great for aging presuming you have the money to afford a good lifestyle. Lots to do in New York, access to good medical care, etc.

The spending time out West part is more of a question mark. If that is important to you I would fine a way to spend vacations out there while you are still healthy enough to do it.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, the declines that require assistance usually hit in your 80s. I wouldn’t give up a dream apartment for what you might need in 20 years. And who knows what might happen between now and then?

[Anonymous]

I assume if you live in NYC, you know many people are trying to move away due to all the crime and expenses. Renos are stressful even on the best marriages. If you think you will love it then enjoy, but in terms of an investment, not a great choice these days. I personally would rather spend the money traveling and staying at nice places. My experience with 2 very health conscience and highly intellectual parents is that decline started in the 70s. They had to stop travel by 75 and 80 is the really rapid mess.

My parents were into avoiding. They were quite savvy at how to make their siblings take on the bulk of the stress with their own parents and they just wrote their siblings off as dramatic and ridiculous when the siblings tried to explain what was truly going on. Don't let all the posters here let you get carried away with magical thinking. Sure do your reno if you want it, but please do also plan for aging and don't expect your kids to magically solve everything. They may have their own major stressors when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume if you live in NYC, you know many people are trying to move away due to all the crime and expenses. Renos are stressful even on the best marriages. If you think you will love it then enjoy, but in terms of an investment, not a great choice these days. I personally would rather spend the money traveling and staying at nice places. My experience with 2 very health conscience and highly intellectual parents is that decline started in the 70s. They had to stop travel by 75 and 80 is the really rapid mess.

My parents were into avoiding. They were quite savvy at how to make their siblings take on the bulk of the stress with their own parents and they just wrote their siblings off as dramatic and ridiculous when the siblings tried to explain what was truly going on. Don't let all the posters here let you get carried away with magical thinking. Sure do your reno if you want it, but please do also plan for aging and don't expect your kids to magically solve everything. They may have their own major stressors when the time comes.

Yes, we live here. For all the people moving away due to crime and expenses, there are people who moved out during COVID lockdown who are now trying to move back to the city. My parents' last phase was challenging, largely due to their modest assets, and I am quite cognizant on not wanting to burden our kids. I hear what you are saying that the decline will happen and to be ready as one can be for it.

[Anonymous]

It's great to be excited about something in your life at any age. Sounds like you have plenty of resources of anything should change.
Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

*if

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's great to be excited about something in your life at any age. Sounds like you have plenty of resources of anything should change.
Enjoy!

Thanks! We are mildly panicking, but moving along. We meet with an architect and contractor later in the week to see if our vision or tweaks of it might be possible. FWIW, we had always talked about an NYC pied-a-terre - even before we lived here - as mentioned in my OP and this could really have that feel.

[Anonymous]

We currently have an NYC pied a terre and are renting it out to offset the mortgage as a viable option for retirement. We plan to do some renovations in the future to take into account aging in place. We love all that NYC has to offer, and hopefully it will help keep us less isolated as the years go on. I imagine family and friends are more likely to want to come visit us in NYC than a more remote LCOL area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's great to be excited about something in your life at any age. Sounds like you have plenty of resources of anything should change.
Enjoy!

Thanks! We are mildly panicking, but moving along. We meet with an architect and contractor later in the week to see if our vision or tweaks of it might be possible. FWIW, we had always talked about an NYC pied-a-terre - even before we lived here - as mentioned in my OP and this could really have that feel.

It sounds like you're rich, and you have a plan. If you don't mind my asking - why are you soliciting opinions about this on DCUM? I am not asking this to be rude - it's just hard to see how anyone could possibly offer any insight into this other than "sounds great!" or "I don't have enough money for it but if you do, awesome!"

[Anonymous]

OP, I would suggest that you make sure your renovation universal accessibility, especially in the bathroom. Spend more money now so you can use the bathroom even if down the line someone has difficulty walking or standing. grab bars can always be added - that's not what I'm talking about. A wheelchair accessible shower that is attractive would be a blessing, as would a wheelchair accessible bathroom sink.
Also great - an ADA compliant toilet with a bidet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's great to be excited about something in your life at any age. Sounds like you have plenty of resources of anything should change.
Enjoy!

Thanks! We are mildly panicking, but moving along. We meet with an architect and contractor later in the week to see if our vision or tweaks of it might be possible. FWIW, we had always talked about an NYC pied-a-terre - even before we lived here - as mentioned in my OP and this could really have that feel.

It sounds like you're rich, and you have a plan. If you don't mind my asking - why are you soliciting opinions about this on DCUM? I am not asking this to be rude - it's just hard to see how anyone could possibly offer any insight into this other than "sounds great!" or "I don't have enough money for it but if you do, awesome!"

There have been a slew of posts, especially over the last few weeks, about when to consider downsizing/exploring CCRC settings, etc. Across these threads, folks have suggested 55+ communities, some say "live in your house as long as possible," and some say "don't wait till you burden your children with a crisis." I posted because I am interested in whether people have BTDT, considering something similar, or have positive/negative experiences themselves or with their parents in doing something similar. The positive could run from "we've been so happy" or "we really enjoyed visiting my ILs" to the negative gamut of "took up all their money and were left cash poor" or "they wouldn't leave even though they should have left a long time before."

I find most folks who post in this forum to be helpful and insightful and I come here whenever I think I could benefit from their expertise, even if anonymous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would suggest that you make sure your renovation universal accessibility, especially in the bathroom. Spend more money now so you can use the bathroom even if down the line someone has difficulty walking or standing. grab bars can always be added - that's not what I'm talking about. A wheelchair accessible shower that is attractive would be a blessing, as would a wheelchair accessible bathroom sink.
Also great - an ADA compliant toilet with a bidet!

Great ideas - thanks for suggesting. As it is an apartment, the space is not endless, but I will keep this in mind when drawing up list for architect.