Guy at gym won’t leave me alone—tactful responses?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been working out for over a decade and this is the first time I’ve encountered this. There are “regulars” at my gym and everyone is polite, but we are there to work out and that’s it—nobody is social. This guy is also a “regular” too, so I’m not sure why he’s suddenly fixated on me. It all started earlier this week when he jokingly came up to me to tell me he knows I could get a couple more reps out. I had to pause my music and stop to even hear him, and then laughed and got back to business. Later he came up to me on a different machine and much of the same. He noticed my silicone wedding band, I saw him see it. It didn’t stop him from commenting on my body. I was sort of in shocked and froze, I didn’t know how to respond so I didn’t. Mistake. Today he came up to me on a different machine and tried to correct my form, telling me if I did X my glutes would appreciate it. Again I had to stop my music and exercise to stare blankly at him.

Now I don’t even want to go! I don’t want to be rude because I have to go to the gym! I don’t want it to be weird, even though it’s weird. What would you say to this man?

[Anonymous]

He's totally out of line.

Don't be tactful - the cold shoulder and stares should have done that already. Some men need blunt to understand.

Next time he approaches you, say something very factual but blunt like, "I am trying to get my work out in and you are interrupting me, and frankly making me uncomfortable. I have a limited time here and need to get through this."

If he approaches you again, report it to the staff. I am serious.

[Anonymous]

Ok so first of all this is 3 interactions, it's hardly "won't leave me alone" territory.

I would just firmly say you don't want to be interrupted while you work out. Take your headphone out, look at him directly, NO SMILE and say "please stop interrupting me while I am working out".

If it happens again, don't even respond. Don't take your ear bud out, ignore him 100%. I would maybe turn off your music do you can hear what he says in case he's being even weirder. But if after telling him, I'd ask to talk to a manager and let them handle it.

[Anonymous]

When someone is not being polite to you, you do not owe them politeness in return. Loudly tell him to stop interrupting your work outs. Loud enough other people can hear. "STOP COMMENTING ON MY BODY/WORKOUT" in a direct way.

If that doesn't get him to back off, go to a manger. Women put up with WAY too much crap from overbearing and RUDE men.

[Anonymous]

For the body comments, I would be ready to shut that right down next time, with just a basic "don't talk about my body." "don't say things like that to me." For the other stuff, I'd say something like "you know, I'm good and I just want to focus on my workout." After that I would keep my headphones on and refuse to acknowledge him. If that doesn't shut it down then speak with the staff. And, if you don't feel comfortable correcting him, you could go straight to the staff, you pay the gym money and he is their problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's totally out of line.

Don't be tactful - the cold shoulder and stares should have done that already. Some men need blunt to understand.

Next time he approaches you, say something very factual but blunt like, "I am trying to get my work out in and you are interrupting me, and frankly making me uncomfortable. I have a limited time here and need to get through this."

If he approaches you again, report it to the staff. I am serious.

+1

I’d keep it very, very short the next time he approaches you: “I’m here to work out, not to talk.” Put your hand up while you’re saying it, don’t even take your headphones out. No smile, minimal eye contact.

Tell the staff if that doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

I would have zero problems saying to him "you're interrupting my workout and I don't appreciate it."

Be rude! You owe him nothing!!!

[Anonymous]

DH here. He's a creep. Don't try to be tactful.

[Anonymous]

Why are you afraid of offending this man? Is he of a different race and you are afraid of being called racist?
"I'm here to work out, leave me alone." With no smile.
You're being wishy washy and he interprets that as him having a chance.

[Anonymous]

How are gyms surviving?

I set up a home gym in my basement during covid. Frankly I don’t know why i didn’t do it to begin with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. He's a creep. Don't try to be tactful.

Honestly it’s probably time to change gyms because this guy seems unhinged to say things like that and directly rejecting may escalate him.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp's that you don't need to be polite, but judging from the reaction you already had, I don't think you are the type of person to do any of these loud and very direct responses.

I would talk to the gym employees, and if/when he approaches again, cut him off by saying, "Sorry, no time to chat" before he starts talking. You don't owe the "sorry" of course; it's just a way to sound polite while still being very direct. Then don't remove your headphones and just keep working out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. He's a creep. Don't try to be tactful.

This. If you're a regular, call him out in front of other regulars. If he has any shame, he'll find a new gym

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are gyms surviving?

I set up a home gym in my basement during covid. Frankly I don’t know why i didn’t do it to begin with

I doubt you have all the weights and quality equipment unless you shelled out tens of thousands of dollars. You have a leg press? A squat rack? 45lb weights and under? A cable machine? A calf-raise machine? Abduction and induction machines? A lat-pull down machine? Leg curl machine?

Some of us take this seriously.

[Anonymous]

Go to the front desk at your gym and tell them what you told us. They will come down on him and yell at him to keep away from you. I aslo agree you do not owe him anything. Do not be polite with him! He is being rude to you. I know this is difficult because as women we are programmed to always be polite.

When I went to planet fitness they took harrassment very seriously and I think they kicked someone out.