Independent living to assisted living to skilled nursing care...best options?

[Anonymous]

If you are looking for a situation where you can first live independently and then step up to assisted living and skilled nursing, if necessary, what are the best options if money is not a concern.

Anyone's parents or grandparents in this type of community and they have feedback?

I am not there yet (and not even really close...am in 40s) but having just been through both my parents long and torturous health decline and how ill prepared they were (stayed in family home) and how difficult it was for me and my siblings to manage, I have vowed to never put my children in this position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are looking for a situation where you can first live independently and then step up to assisted living and skilled nursing, if necessary, what are the best options if money is not a concern.

Anyone's parents or grandparents in this type of community and they have feedback?

I am not there yet (and not even really close...am in 40s) but having just been through both my parents long and torturous health decline and how ill prepared they were (stayed in family home) and how difficult it was for me and my siblings to manage, I have vowed to never put my children in this position.

What didn't work, at least from your/siblings' POV, about their remaining in the family home? I might work backwards from there to figure out if that may have worked if there had been different circumstances.

I had a lot of challenges with my mom during this phase, complicated by her dementia and attendant anger and irritation stemming from it. I vowed to DH to not want to put our kids through this. While I can't guarantee how my mental health will play out, we appear that we will have sufficient funds for this phase and that will remove at least one of the stressors that my siblings and I had with our mom.

[Anonymous]

I have a parent at an Erikson community. In terms of independence and care for them, it has been really helpful in terms of helping to manage health issues as they arise (able to go to skilled-nursing facility/rehab on the same campus, and there is also an Alzheimer's area if that were ever needed) but also still allowing my parent to live independently.

Although my parent, who has been there for 8+ years does complain some about the food (although they have the option to cook at their place) and many of the people they have become friends with have passed away.

While home health aides aren't cheap, because they are in a community that uses them regularly, when needed they can get them more easily and also as needed (e.g. lower minimum number of hours required they must purchase for the day).

And, we have the piece of mind that someone checks on them daily and can get to them quickly if their is an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are looking for a situation where you can first live independently and then step up to assisted living and skilled nursing, if necessary, what are the best options if money is not a concern.

Anyone's parents or grandparents in this type of community and they have feedback?

I am not there yet (and not even really close...am in 40s) but having just been through both my parents long and torturous health decline and how ill prepared they were (stayed in family home) and how difficult it was for me and my siblings to manage, I have vowed to never put my children in this position.

What didn't work, at least from your/siblings' POV, about their remaining in the family home? I might work backwards from there to figure out if that may have worked if there had been different circumstances.

I had a lot of challenges with my mom during this phase, complicated by her dementia and attendant anger and irritation stemming from it. I vowed to DH to not want to put our kids through this. While I can't guarantee how my mental health will play out, we appear that we will have sufficient funds for this phase and that will remove at least one of the stressors that my siblings and I had with our mom.

Having to solve the crisis when the parent is too infirm, unsafe, uwell, unclean, and/or unhealthy to make the transition themselves. It is not easy to find care for people when things are this far down the road as opposed to having it lined up in calmer times. Skilled nursing care is hard to secure in an immediate fashion even if you have money. I want to avoid things ending in a crisis situation by proper planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are looking for a situation where you can first live independently and then step up to assisted living and skilled nursing, if necessary, what are the best options if money is not a concern.

Anyone's parents or grandparents in this type of community and they have feedback?

I am not there yet (and not even really close...am in 40s) but having just been through both my parents long and torturous health decline and how ill prepared they were (stayed in family home) and how difficult it was for me and my siblings to manage, I have vowed to never put my children in this position.

What didn't work, at least from your/siblings' POV, about their remaining in the family home? I might work backwards from there to figure out if that may have worked if there had been different circumstances.

I had a lot of challenges with my mom during this phase, complicated by her dementia and attendant anger and irritation stemming from it. I vowed to DH to not want to put our kids through this. While I can't guarantee how my mental health will play out, we appear that we will have sufficient funds for this phase and that will remove at least one of the stressors that my siblings and I had with our mom.

Having to solve the crisis when the parent is too infirm, unsafe, uwell, unclean, and/or unhealthy to make the transition themselves. It is not easy to find care for people when things are this far down the road as opposed to having it lined up in calmer times. Skilled nursing care is hard to secure in an immediate fashion even if you have money. I want to avoid things ending in a crisis situation by proper planning.

This was predictable for years but parents were unwilling to make any kind of move and actively hiding status of situation.

[Anonymous]

Are you me OP? I am still in the middle of it though with one parent and I will not age in place and do this to my own kids.


My friend's inlaws (in a different area) found a CCRC from independent living to nursing and it was a dream. They just visited and enjoyed her inlaws and the center took care of everything. They aged well though through their 90s so I think there was just one move from independent to AL. They had a bunch of friends there and a gourmet "cafeteria."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a parent at an Erikson community. In terms of independence and care for them, it has been really helpful in terms of helping to manage health issues as they arise (able to go to skilled-nursing facility/rehab on the same campus, and there is also an Alzheimer's area if that were ever needed) but also still allowing my parent to live independently.

Although my parent, who has been there for 8+ years does complain some about the food (although they have the option to cook at their place) and many of the people they have become friends with have passed away.

While home health aides aren't cheap, because they are in a community that uses them regularly, when needed they can get them more easily and also as needed (e.g. lower minimum number of hours required they must purchase for the day).

And, we have the piece of mind that someone checks on them daily and can get to them quickly if their is an emergency.

We had a family friend in an Erickson community and I was really impressed. If you can afford it I think it’s a really nice choice. They’re building a huge one near us in Fairfax and I have a bunch of neighbors who’ve already put down deposits to move in.

[Anonymous]

OP back. I didn't even know CCRC is what they were called so that helps me search for these types of places.

Another benefit I am reading about is you can stay with your spouse in same community but not be caring for them alone if they need more care than you do. My parents had that going on for a long time. Healthy parent's life was seriously limited for a decade+ by caring for the other parent. I don't want that for me or my husband. If he's healthy, please live life to the fullest and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

My friend's inlaws (in a different area) found a CCRC

and where was this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. I didn't even know CCRC is what they were called so that helps me search for these types of places.

Another benefit I am reading about is you can stay with your spouse in same community but not be caring for them alone if they need more care than you do. My parents had that going on for a long time. Healthy parent's life was seriously limited for a decade+ by caring for the other parent. I don't want that for me or my husband. If he's healthy, please live life to the fullest and vice versa.

My ILs downsized but not to a CCRC, but to a smaller home on one level. This worked for about four years, but now a challenge as FiL can no longer be left on his own. MiL is using LTC to pay for 40 hours/week care, but I have no idea how/if this will affect the benefit over time - e.g., could they possibly use it all up on his at home care? They do not have unlimited funds. FWIW, they spent a lot of money in retirement because I think they assumed they would retire similarly to FiL's parents: they went to a CCRC and lived in a small 2 BR apartment. When necessary, they hired an aide to live with them. They never had to pay for two units, but I don't see my MiL agreeing to that now that they are facing it.

OP, kudos to you for thinking about this and being proactive in considering about what to do. A bad last years' phase with parents can force that.

[Anonymous]

Sunrise Senior Living will let "age in place" and you may only need skilled nursing if you need an IV or feeding tube. You may NEVER need skilled nursing. Sunrise will work with you, if hospice is needed. Yes, it will be at a cost, it is not cheap. There are options out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Sunrise Senior Living will let "age in place" and you may only need skilled nursing if you need an IV or feeding tube. You may NEVER need skilled nursing. Sunrise will work with you, if hospice is needed. Yes, it will be at a cost, it is not cheap. There are options out there.

I looked into this. (not OP). First off, to be clear, this is not the aging in place delusional parents like mine do where they plop themselves in their homes and expect us to magically figure it all out as they decline into hostile, stubborn and needy folks. This is 100 steps up because you are at a facility that can provide food, acitivities and sometimes onsite doctors, etc... The Sunrises I called do not allow feeding tube, etc in their AL situation. You must be in skilled nursing, even if you hire 24=7 care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Sunrise Senior Living will let "age in place" and you may only need skilled nursing if you need an IV or feeding tube. You may NEVER need skilled nursing. Sunrise will work with you, if hospice is needed. Yes, it will be at a cost, it is not cheap. There are options out there.

I looked into this. (not OP). First off, to be clear, this is not the aging in place delusional parents like mine do where they plop themselves in their homes and expect us to magically figure it all out as they decline into hostile, stubborn and needy folks. This is 100 steps up because you are at a facility that can provide food, acitivities and sometimes onsite doctors, etc... The Sunrises I called do not allow feeding tube, etc in their AL situation. You must be in skilled nursing, even if you hire 24=7 care.

Different facilities are able to provide different levels of care. I only know NY because that is where I’ve researched, but in NY some assisted living facilities have what is called an “enhanced license” which means they are able to do care through end of life. So if you need the things found in skilled nursing, they are able to provide it. They typically won’t take if you are currently at that level, but if you move in for AL and need more care later, they can provide that for you.