Dd wants a sleepover with girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Dd, 15, (who isn’t out to me) wants to have a sleepover with her friend. I think they are actually a couple. Any advice on how best to navigate? Haven’t asked her about her sexuality—figure she’ll tell me when she’s ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dd, 15, (who isn’t out to me) wants to have a sleepover with her friend. I think they are actually a couple. Any advice on how best to navigate? Haven’t asked her about her sexuality—figure she’ll tell me when she’s ready.

You should talk to your dd. Otherwise how would you say no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dd, 15, (who isn’t out to me) wants to have a sleepover with her friend. I think they are actually a couple. Any advice on how best to navigate? Haven’t asked her about her sexuality—figure she’ll tell me when she’s ready.

You should talk to your dd. Otherwise how would you say no?

How does that go, exactly?

Is Larla your girlfriend?

Shrug…

I don’t want to put her in a position where she would lie if she’s not ready to tell me.

[Anonymous]

Before I say ok to this sleepover, I have a question- is Larla your girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before I say ok to this sleepover, I have a question- is Larla your girlfriend?

Oh…are others allowing this? If my other Dd asked for a sleepover with her boyfriend I would say no. I was thinking that I should have a similar answer if they were dating.

[Anonymous]

My dd does not have sleepovers with her girlfriend...but I admit to not being as uptight as I am with my heterosexual children and their dating choices

[Anonymous]

What’s the problem? She isn’t going to end up pregnant…

[Anonymous]

What an interesting question.

She hasn’t come out to you. You can’t pry there and without her knowing that you know you have to say yes, unless you are positive that she know you know, but just hasn’t told you directly.

- a 45 year old gay man with daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What an interesting question.

She hasn’t come out to you. You can’t pry there and without her knowing that you know you have to say yes, unless you are positive that she know you know, but just hasn’t told you directly.

- a 45 year old gay man with daughters.

+1
I can’t believe people are suggesting asking her if they’re gf’s. This board is so loaded with straight people. I’ve known that for years but nothing says painfully straight quite like thinking it’s okay to force someone to put themselves before they’re ready.

I do disagree about her having to say yes though. I’m sure she can come up with an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What an interesting question.

She hasn’t come out to you. You can’t pry there and without her knowing that you know you have to say yes, unless you are positive that she know you know, but just hasn’t told you directly.

- a 45 year old gay man with daughters.

+1
I can’t believe people are suggesting asking her if they’re gf’s. This board is so loaded with straight people. I’ve known that for years but nothing says painfully straight quite like thinking it’s okay to force someone to put themselves before they’re ready.

I do disagree about her having to say yes though. I’m sure she can come up with an excuse.

Huh??? Can you not ask your straight children if someone is their bf/gf before they announce they're straight? Yes, parents should ask, maybe DD is waiting for parents to bring it up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What an interesting question.

She hasn’t come out to you. You can’t pry there and without her knowing that you know you have to say yes, unless you are positive that she know you know, but just hasn’t told you directly.

- a 45 year old gay man with daughters.

+1
I can’t believe people are suggesting asking her if they’re gf’s. This board is so loaded with straight people. I’ve known that for years but nothing says painfully straight quite like thinking it’s okay to force someone to put themselves before they’re ready.

I do disagree about her having to say yes though. I’m sure she can come up with an excuse.

Huh??? Can you not ask your straight children if someone is their bf/gf before they announce they're straight? Yes, parents should ask, maybe DD is waiting for parents to bring it up

Straight people. It’s not okay to get someone to out themselves before they’re ready to come out.

[Anonymous]

Also DD can't have her cake and eat it too - parents of gay teens need to know they are gay to fully support them. If OP suspects that this is a girlfriend she needs to talk to her DD about sex and boundaries, and its more than an oopsie pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also DD can't have her cake and eat it too - parents of gay teens need to know they are gay to fully support them. If OP suspects that this is a girlfriend she needs to talk to her DD about sex and boundaries, and it’s more than an oopsie pregnancy.

This is crazy to me. You’re saying that kids should tell their parents something they aren’t ready to say so the parents can fully support them? I don’t think you know what it means to be fully supportive.

Also, Parents can have all the talks they want without their kids explicitly coming out to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also DD can't have her cake and eat it too - parents of gay teens need to know they are gay to fully support them. If OP suspects that this is a girlfriend she needs to talk to her DD about sex and boundaries, and its more than an oopsie pregnancy.

Good point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also DD can't have her cake and eat it too - parents of gay teens need to know they are gay to fully support them. If OP suspects that this is a girlfriend she needs to talk to her DD about sex and boundaries, and its more than an oopsie pregnancy.

Just no.

Despite what OP thinks she has not fostered an environment where it is obvious to her DD that she is supportive no matter DD’s sexuality. That is in on OP, not her daughter. That failure does not give OP the right to then pry into her daughters sexuality. For goodness sake OP doesn’t even know that her friend is her girlfriend.

But I’ll go one step further. Unless OP is willing to approach her daughter and tell her point blank that she may have male but not female friends sleep over then OP has not accepted her daughters sexuality nor is OP certain about it. If OP is unwilling to do that, then this conversation isn’t really about her daughter sleeping with her girlfriend. It is about OP forcing her daughter to come out to OP on OPs terms.