Issues with GrandMother guilting grandchild

[Anonymous]

My mother dumped my sibling and I on our great grandma and dad when we were growing up. Now that we are adults she suddenly wants a relationship with my daugher. My daughter is a junior in college and is applying to Veterinarian Schools. My Mom has not been an active part in her life at all and was band from our house by my husband when our daughter was 10 because she was screaming and yelling and throwing things.
She is calling my daughter and telling her and me that she wants to see her before she dies. My husband says that ship has sailed and has no interest in the situation. She was a horrible mother and grandmother. What should i do about this if anything.
Her Grandfather has a good relationship with her but terrible with me. He was abusive to me growing up and i don't allow her alone with him ever at all. He invites her to drive down and visit but I am not allowed to see him...he has no interest in seeing me or talking to me. Our DD goes to school half way across the country and is home very little. She really has no time for them. At Christmas she wanated to visit but her car was left at school so she did not, plus she doesn't like the way they treat me. I told her she should go if she wants. Just because they treat me bad doesn't mean she could not see them. My husband is invited to go but i am not allowed. He says this is stupid and he is not going. Should I do anything?

[Anonymous]

Well it sounds like there is a consensus that these elderly people are not worth anyone's time. Your daughter, your husband and yourself can just ignore their little foot-stamping and whining.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter and husband are old enough to make their own decisions about family relationships.

[Anonymous]

You need to stop placing your emotional baggage on your daughter. She is an adult and can make her own decisions about who to visit and when. Those decisions shouldn’t be swayed by your issues. Stay out of it, clearly the rest of the family doesn’t want you involved either. You should try therapy to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Are you ESL? This sounds like a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Who cares if OP is ESL. She is asking advice.

[Anonymous]

Let me get this straight: your parents were repeatedly abusive to you and you are allowing them to contact your daughter? How are they getting her contact information? I’d shut that down immediately.

[Anonymous]

Why couldn’t she borrow your car for a Christmastime visit?

[Anonymous]

She could not borrow my car because i work and i need to drive it.
I have shut down most of the contact because Dad is Alcholic Mom is delusional and lives in a fake scarey world that i have never wanted my daughter to be exposed to. She has never spent any time alone with either of them. My husband and I both feel this is a bad idea. There is years of back story. Driving my daughter under the influence when she was 9 and she called me and asked me to get her...just a bad scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She could not borrow my car because i work and i need to drive it.
I have shut down most of the contact because Dad is Alcholic Mom is delusional and lives in a fake scarey world that i have never wanted my daughter to be exposed to. She has never spent any time alone with either of them. My husband and I both feel this is a bad idea. There is years of back story. Driving my daughter under the influence when she was 9 and she called me and asked me to get her...just a bad scene.

Come on, OP. How is this even a question? Shut this down completely now.

[Anonymous]

What does your presumably intelligent, competent, adult daughter want to do? Have you asked her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother dumped my sibling and I on our great grandma and dad when we were growing up. Now that we are adults she suddenly wants a relationship with my daugher. My daughter is a junior in college and is applying to Veterinarian Schools. My Mom has not been an active part in her life at all and was band from our house by my husband when our daughter was 10 because she was screaming and yelling and throwing things.
She is calling my daughter and telling her and me that she wants to see her before she dies. My husband says that ship has sailed and has no interest in the situation. She was a horrible mother and grandmother. What should i do about this if anything.
Her Grandfather has a good relationship with her but terrible with me. He was abusive to me growing up and i don't allow her alone with him ever at all. He invites her to drive down and visit but I am not allowed to see him...he has no interest in seeing me or talking to me. Our DD goes to school half way across the country and is home very little. She really has no time for them. At Christmas she wanated to visit but her car was left at school so she did not, plus she doesn't like the way they treat me. I told her she should go if she wants. Just because they treat me bad doesn't mean she could not see them. My husband is invited to go but i am not allowed. He says this is stupid and he is not going. Should I do anything?

Your daughter is an adult. There is nothing for you to do here. She is going to do whatever she is going to do but you don't need to concern yourself with it.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry about your parents, that’s a bummer. Your daughter is an adult though, and if she wants to see them I would probably try to help her get there, maybe bum a ride to work or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I am confused. You say your husband banned your mom from your home bc of abusive behavior, and you do not allow your daughter alone with your dad bc of abusive behavior…but now you want to encourage your daughter to see them ? (“I told her she should go if she wants. Just because they treat me bad doesn't mean she could not see them.”)

I don’t know why you are encouraging this. I’d tell her that her instincts are probably correct - from your experience with these people, they can be abusive. Her priority should be her schooling & future, not pleasing people who are frankly probably not much more than strangers ant this point. And then let it go. She’s an adult & it’s her call. I wouldn’t interfere in any way, but I wouldn’t be pushing her in any way to give them the time of day.

[Anonymous]

She’s an adult, your daughter can figure it out herself.