How much unpaid leave would you take?

[Anonymous]

Expecting my first. Employer maternity leave is 8 weeks, plus 8 weeks "paid short term disability" (is this typically fully paid? our policy does not indicate what this means). I can tack on 3ish weeks of PTO and beyond that any additional time off would be unpaid. Is there a real difference between going back at ~4 months vs., say, 6? We have a financial cushion but not unlimited funds and the more time I am going to take off, the less money we will have for things like a night nanny. FWIW DH and I make the same amount so loss of my income would be a significant hit on cash flow.

[Anonymous]

I loved going back to work at 3 or 4 months so I wouldn’t take more than the 16 weeks but that’s just me.

[Anonymous]

Months 4 through 6 are easier and for many, more enjoyable. I am so glad I stayed home for six months and think it’s a great amount of time.

[Anonymous]

Short term disability is usually 2/3rds of your pay. There is a big difference between 4 and 6 months. By 6 months, sleep overnight is usually better with 2 wakings, daytime naps are consolidating. You can stop breasfeeding and not pump at work as the majority of the benefit has passed. You are passed the 6month vaccines as well. We did 5 months of my leave (part unpaid) and 1 month of dh on leave by himself. Biggest priblem is by 6 months the kiddo is sitting up and has a personality and that much harder to leave to go to work.

[Anonymous]

I took off 16 weeks with my first and it was a disaster. I had a hard vaginal birth, tough baby, and was still incontinent with a raging case of PPD when I went back and needed lots of time off for PPD therapy, pelvic floor PT, and baby being constantly ill from daycare (basically every 2-3 weeks it was roseola, flu. Bronchiolitis, hand foot and mouth, RSV, ear infections, etc). If I wrote a book about that return to work, I would call it: “Crying in the pumping room.”

My second I took ALL the leave: 24 weeks which is the max I could take. It was so worth it to me. I had so much more time with my baby, versus the 16 weeks which felt way too short. I also felt physically much better despite a hard birth the second time around, and we hired a nanny instead of doing group care which lessened the illnesses and made me feel much better about going back. Baby was also older and I got to experience much more of the fun times: they start smiling around 3 months and Il4-6 months is when their personalities really start coming out and they are fun to be with and not just a crying and pooping ball of need.

Everyone is different but after my experience I would always tell anyone that you should take the maximum amount of leave you are entitled to. Only in this nutty country do we have such crappy maternity leave, and we serve no one by taking less than what we deserve and have earned. One thing I was also not really prepared for was how much my priorities shifted when I had kids. I was a perfectionist workaholic before and after kids, I just changed. It was sort of like adolescence for me - I morphed into a new person. There’s a term for it, called matrescence, and literally your brain changes after you have a baby. I was not prepared for that. I share that to illustrate the reality that what you think you want now as an expectant mom may evolve totally once you are a real life mom with a baby in your arms, and that’s very normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took off 16 weeks with my first and it was a disaster. I had a hard vaginal birth, tough baby, and was still incontinent with a raging case of PPD when I went back and needed lots of time off for PPD therapy, pelvic floor PT, and baby being constantly ill from daycare (basically every 2-3 weeks it was roseola, flu. Bronchiolitis, hand foot and mouth, RSV, ear infections, etc). If I wrote a book about that return to work, I would call it: “Crying in the pumping room.”

My second I took ALL the leave: 24 weeks which is the max I could take. It was so worth it to me. I had so much more time with my baby, versus the 16 weeks which felt way too short. I also felt physically much better despite a hard birth the second time around, and we hired a nanny instead of doing group care which lessened the illnesses and made me feel much better about going back. Baby was also older and I got to experience much more of the fun times: they start smiling around 3 months and Il4-6 months is when their personalities really start coming out and they are fun to be with and not just a crying and pooping ball of need.

Everyone is different but after my experience I would always tell anyone that you should take the maximum amount of leave you are entitled to. Only in this nutty country do we have such crappy maternity leave, and we serve no one by taking less than what we deserve and have earned. One thing I was also not really prepared for was how much my priorities shifted when I had kids. I was a perfectionist workaholic before and after kids, I just changed. It was sort of like adolescence for me - I morphed into a new person. There’s a term for it, called matrescence, and literally your brain changes after you have a baby. I was not prepared for that. I share that to illustrate the reality that what you think you want now as an expectant mom may evolve totally once you are a real life mom with a baby in your arms, and that’s very normal.

+1 everyone is so different so it is impossible to know, but for me I took 4 months with my first which was ok but I was a mess going back (baby went to daycare not home with husband or anything which is more common now even a few years later and I do think makes it wayy easier) but with my second I took as much leave as possible. If you can take six months comfortably I don’t think you would regret it. But some people really are fine going back! Though it’s incredibly hard to predict. I had hard postpartums, two full term babies with NICU stays, horrible feeding issues. I needed the time. My friends with uncomplicated births and ok feeding, they did ok going back especially if it wasn’t a daycare transition. But yeah personally, you’ll only get the opportunity to spend tbis focused time at home 2-3 times for most people. It’s worth it to take.

[Anonymous]

5/6 months is the sweet spot. You can take some baby yoga classes enjoy outings etc. I had my baby pre-COVID so not sure if you will be in the office full
-time or if you will be working from home. If you will be home, then 4 months is ok, but if you will be expected back in the office full-time, then wait a little longer. Also, I caution you not to use all of your PTO on parental leave as you may need it in case baby gets sick or your nanny gets sick. It happens and really stressful when you have no leave to cover that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took off 16 weeks with my first and it was a disaster. I had a hard vaginal birth, tough baby, and was still incontinent with a raging case of PPD when I went back and needed lots of time off for PPD therapy, pelvic floor PT, and baby being constantly ill from daycare (basically every 2-3 weeks it was roseola, flu. Bronchiolitis, hand foot and mouth, RSV, ear infections, etc). If I wrote a book about that return to work, I would call it: “Crying in the pumping room.”

My second I took ALL the leave: 24 weeks which is the max I could take. It was so worth it to me. I had so much more time with my baby, versus the 16 weeks which felt way too short. I also felt physically much better despite a hard birth the second time around, and we hired a nanny instead of doing group care which lessened the illnesses and made me feel much better about going back. Baby was also older and I got to experience much more of the fun times: they start smiling around 3 months and Il4-6 months is when their personalities really start coming out and they are fun to be with and not just a crying and pooping ball of need.

Everyone is different but after my experience I would always tell anyone that you should take the maximum amount of leave you are entitled to. Only in this nutty country do we have such crappy maternity leave, and we serve no one by taking less than what we deserve and have earned. One thing I was also not really prepared for was how much my priorities shifted when I had kids. I was a perfectionist workaholic before and after kids, I just changed. It was sort of like adolescence for me - I morphed into a new person. There’s a term for it, called matrescence, and literally your brain changes after you have a baby. I was not prepared for that. I share that to illustrate the reality that what you think you want now as an expectant mom may evolve totally once you are a real life mom with a baby in your arms, and that’s very normal.

+1 everyone is so different so it is impossible to know, but for me I took 4 months with my first which was ok but I was a mess going back (baby went to daycare not home with husband or anything which is more common now even a few years later and I do think makes it wayy easier) but with my second I took as much leave as possible. If you can take six months comfortably I don’t think you would regret it. But some people really are fine going back! Though it’s incredibly hard to predict. I had hard postpartums, two full term babies with NICU stays, horrible feeding issues. I needed the time. My friends with uncomplicated births and ok feeding, they did ok going back especially if it wasn’t a daycare transition. But yeah personally, you’ll only get the opportunity to spend tbis focused time at home 2-3 times for most people. It’s worth it to take.

I should add I took unpaid leave for both of these and it was always worth it. Especially since you said it wouldn’t be a big hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5/6 months is the sweet spot. You can take some baby yoga classes enjoy outings etc. I had my baby pre-COVID so not sure if you will be in the office full
-time or if you will be working from home. If you will be home, then 4 months is ok, but if you will be expected back in the office full-time, then wait a little longer. Also, I caution you not to use all of your PTO on parental leave as you may need it in case baby gets sick or your nanny gets sick. It happens and really stressful when you have no leave to cover that.

OP here. I WFH full-time, so that helps. I will make sure to have a few weeks of PTO left over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Expecting my first. Employer maternity leave is 8 weeks, plus 8 weeks "paid short term disability" (is this typically fully paid? our policy does not indicate what this means). I can tack on 3ish weeks of PTO and beyond that any additional time off would be unpaid. Is there a real difference between going back at ~4 months vs., say, 6? We have a financial cushion but not unlimited funds and the more time I am going to take off, the less money we will have for things like a night nanny. FWIW DH and I make the same amount so loss of my income would be a significant hit on cash flow.

Drop the night nanny and just formula feed. Time with your baby is more important than breastmilk. Also FF babies sleep better. You’ll be able to switch off with your husband and NO PUMPING.

First baby I breastfed. Second I did not and it was a world of difference.

[Anonymous]

6 months was great, but I had twins so it took me a little longer than most to figure out how to leave the house on maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5/6 months is the sweet spot. You can take some baby yoga classes enjoy outings etc. I had my baby pre-COVID so not sure if you will be in the office full
-time or if you will be working from home. If you will be home, then 4 months is ok, but if you will be expected back in the office full-time, then wait a little longer. Also, I caution you not to use all of your PTO on parental leave as you may need it in case baby gets sick or your nanny gets sick. It happens and really stressful when you have no leave to cover that.

NP and I would love to bank PTO, but you’re required to use whatever left before short-term disability kicks in - so start back at work with zero - I am burning it all before I go out. (Grr)

Anyway OP, this is my third kid and I’m in a similar boat. (I was a SAHM with my first two.) I get six weeks of STD at 60% of my pay and will be taking the full 12 week FMLA period, followed by a two month leave of absence. In my limited memory, this seems like a good time to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

I’m the primary breadwinner by a lot and had 6 weeks paid leave and 11 weeks unpaid leave for both kids. I would have taken more unpaid leave if it was permitted. My first was not sleeping well when I went back to work at about 4 months and it was really hard. My second was sleeping great at that time and I was working from home then and it was much easier to go back at 4 months.

[Anonymous]

First step is to get clarity on exactly how much paid leave you have. Ask HR to tell you how any weeks you can take and receive your full paycheck (given that STD is often partial). Also confirm whether you get 8 weeks of STD only for a c-section or for all births.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the primary breadwinner by a lot and had 6 weeks paid leave and 11 weeks unpaid leave for both kids. I would have taken more unpaid leave if it was permitted. My first was not sleeping well when I went back to work at about 4 months and it was really hard. My second was sleeping great at that time and I was working from home then and it was much easier to go back at 4 months.

Similar here. My husband and I make equal amounts (HHI around 700K) and with my first kid I was able to take 22 weeks - only 2 unpaid (but husband took no paternity leave and I was the primary parent, so it was actually the toughest), with my second I only took 13 - and that was all my vacation plus STD plus parental leave - my boss got fired right before I left and I didn't feel comfortable enough to take more than 13 weeks - our Corporate Secretary even commented that I was "taking a lot of time" (this weirdly worked out well since I was remote and husband was also remote and we had a nanny with our older child who could pitch in during my mat leave when our older child was in preschool), and with my third I'm taking 26 weeks all paid, but splitting my time into two because I'm having the baby at a very busy time. I'm doing 6 weeks STD (but will still be on email and working for the last 3-4 weeks) and then working twelve weeks and then taking 20 weeks, although I'm going to Europe and Nashville for short work trips during that time. Not ideal, but I will be remote the entire time and my husband has 20 weeks of paternity leave, so he will be able to help during the 12 weeks that I am going to be on. It sucks that I have divide my leave up, but this is where I am in my career. I've fought extremely hard to get where I am and I'm also going to be 14 months into my role when I give birth, so for optics and everything else I need to take this route. I'm very lucky in that feeding has been easy for me with my babies and I physically, emotionally, and mentally bounce back very fast during the postpartum period, but I would never suggest this to a first time mom who doesn't have a postpartum period beeline.

I think 16 weeks is a great amount of time and I probably wouldn't take more than 2 or 3 weeks more PTO, if any. I know this may be unpopular, but I would also read the room at work when it comes to leave. If you worked at Deloitte or a Big 4 which gives women 6 months of leave than I would say go for it, but I've worked places where it was not common for people to go over the allotted leave -- and if you do you get a lot of snarky comments. I would just brace yourself if you're taking more time than average, because it may be frowned upon. I know that technically no one can say anything, but people definitely make assumptions - especially if you are early in your career or if you are fairly new.