Sharing a story of loss and the "I've never had problems conceiving" person comments

[Anonymous]

Not my post, reading another person's story and the "now I feel guilty for never having to try to conceive."

It takes all my strength not to tell that person to duck off and also hope that their smugness doesn't repay them in karma.

Fwiw I was one of those people until I started losing 5 pregnancies a year and still can't conceive our last child.

[Anonymous]

The quote you're using doesn't sound awful at all, OP.

[Anonymous]

Infertility is not different than other serious medical problems and it is frankly infantilizing how some women expect people to tiptoe around them. I know people living with terminal, stage 4 cancer who are far less sensitive to any slightly misphrased comment.

I am very sorry for your losses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The quote you're using doesn't sound awful at all, OP.

"You suck at having babies, and I excel at it." Not the worst, but why would you say that?

If OP I'd force a smile and say "you're so very fortunate."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Infertility is not different than other serious medical problems and it is frankly infantilizing how some women expect people to tiptoe around them. I know people living with terminal, stage 4 cancer who are far less sensitive to any slightly misphrased comment.

I am very sorry for your losses.

This person had a choice to say, so sorry thanks for sharing and instead included a humble brag and insincere mention of feeling bad for being so fortunate.

The equivalent on a cancer post is, "I feel guilty now that my family has never experienced cancer" when someone tells you their Dad died of cancer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infertility is not different than other serious medical problems and it is frankly infantilizing how some women expect people to tiptoe around them. I know people living with terminal, stage 4 cancer who are far less sensitive to any slightly misphrased comment.

I am very sorry for your losses.

This person had a choice to say, so sorry thanks for sharing and instead included a humble brag and insincere mention of feeling bad for being so fortunate.

The equivalent on a cancer post is, "I feel guilty now that my family has never experienced cancer" when someone tells you their Dad died of cancer...

Still doesn't seem like a terrible comment. The "I feel guilty now that..." is what we disagree on, I think. To you it seems insincere, to me it feels like an attempt to relate and express compassion.

Just a bit of advice. Always try to take things and people at face value. It's so easy to go through life getting offended, but in the end, what does that do for you, except make YOUR life miserable? It's much easier to assume people have the best of intentions, even though they might express themselves awkwardly.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP. The comment centers the feelings of the person who isn’t experiencing infertility. Rude thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infertility is not different than other serious medical problems and it is frankly infantilizing how some women expect people to tiptoe around them. I know people living with terminal, stage 4 cancer who are far less sensitive to any slightly misphrased comment.

I am very sorry for your losses.

This person had a choice to say, so sorry thanks for sharing and instead included a humble brag and insincere mention of feeling bad for being so fortunate.

The equivalent on a cancer post is, "I feel guilty now that my family has never experienced cancer" when someone tells you their Dad died of cancer...

Still doesn't seem like a terrible comment. The "I feel guilty now that..." is what we disagree on, I think. To you it seems insincere, to me it feels like an attempt to relate and express compassion.

Just a bit of advice. Always try to take things and people at face value. It's so easy to go through life getting offended, but in the end, what does that do for you, except make YOUR life miserable? It's much easier to assume people have the best of intentions, even though they might express themselves awkwardly.

This person was bragging and making it about them. It was not a sincere comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infertility is not different than other serious medical problems and it is frankly infantilizing how some women expect people to tiptoe around them. I know people living with terminal, stage 4 cancer who are far less sensitive to any slightly misphrased comment.

I am very sorry for your losses.

This person had a choice to say, so sorry thanks for sharing and instead included a humble brag and insincere mention of feeling bad for being so fortunate.

The equivalent on a cancer post is, "I feel guilty now that my family has never experienced cancer" when someone tells you their Dad died of cancer...

Still doesn't seem like a terrible comment. The "I feel guilty now that..." is what we disagree on, I think. To you it seems insincere, to me it feels like an attempt to relate and express compassion.

Just a bit of advice. Always try to take things and people at face value. It's so easy to go through life getting offended, but in the end, what does that do for you, except make YOUR life miserable? It's much easier to assume people have the best of intentions, even though they might express themselves awkwardly.

This person was bragging and making it about them. It was not a sincere comment.

They added additional details about how it only took a weekend to conceive, what week they were on, etc. It was really crass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infertility is not different than other serious medical problems and it is frankly infantilizing how some women expect people to tiptoe around them. I know people living with terminal, stage 4 cancer who are far less sensitive to any slightly misphrased comment.

I am very sorry for your losses.

This person had a choice to say, so sorry thanks for sharing and instead included a humble brag and insincere mention of feeling bad for being so fortunate.

The equivalent on a cancer post is, "I feel guilty now that my family has never experienced cancer" when someone tells you their Dad died of cancer...

Still doesn't seem like a terrible comment. The "I feel guilty now that..." is what we disagree on, I think. To you it seems insincere, to me it feels like an attempt to relate and express compassion.

Just a bit of advice. Always try to take things and people at face value. It's so easy to go through life getting offended, but in the end, what does that do for you, except make YOUR life miserable? It's much easier to assume people have the best of intentions, even though they might express themselves awkwardly.

This person was bragging and making it about them. It was not a sincere comment.

They added additional details about how it only took a weekend to conceive, what week they were on, etc. It was really crass.

Then perhaps you should have explained that in your first post.

I don't see why you're creating a whole new thread on this anyway. You really have nothing better to do than to hate on people this weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infertility is not different than other serious medical problems and it is frankly infantilizing how some women expect people to tiptoe around them. I know people living with terminal, stage 4 cancer who are far less sensitive to any slightly misphrased comment.

I am very sorry for your losses.

This person had a choice to say, so sorry thanks for sharing and instead included a humble brag and insincere mention of feeling bad for being so fortunate.

The equivalent on a cancer post is, "I feel guilty now that my family has never experienced cancer" when someone tells you their Dad died of cancer...

Still doesn't seem like a terrible comment. The "I feel guilty now that..." is what we disagree on, I think. To you it seems insincere, to me it feels like an attempt to relate and express compassion.

Just a bit of advice. Always try to take things and people at face value. It's so easy to go through life getting offended, but in the end, what does that do for you, except make YOUR life miserable? It's much easier to assume people have the best of intentions, even though they might express themselves awkwardly.

This person was bragging and making it about them. It was not a sincere comment.

They added additional details about how it only took a weekend to conceive, what week they were on, etc. It was really crass.

Then perhaps you should have explained that in your first post.

I don't see why you're creating a whole new thread on this anyway. You really have nothing better to do than to hate on people this weekend?

Are you actually experiencing infertility or just here to comment? If you are experiencing infertility, one your period after waiting 45 days for a period and having all the doctors tell you there is nothing wrong with you then you get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infertility is not different than other serious medical problems and it is frankly infantilizing how some women expect people to tiptoe around them. I know people living with terminal, stage 4 cancer who are far less sensitive to any slightly misphrased comment.

I am very sorry for your losses.

This person had a choice to say, so sorry thanks for sharing and instead included a humble brag and insincere mention of feeling bad for being so fortunate.

The equivalent on a cancer post is, "I feel guilty now that my family has never experienced cancer" when someone tells you their Dad died of cancer...

Still doesn't seem like a terrible comment. The "I feel guilty now that..." is what we disagree on, I think. To you it seems insincere, to me it feels like an attempt to relate and express compassion.

Just a bit of advice. Always try to take things and people at face value. It's so easy to go through life getting offended, but in the end, what does that do for you, except make YOUR life miserable? It's much easier to assume people have the best of intentions, even though they might express themselves awkwardly.

This person was bragging and making it about them. It was not a sincere comment.

They added additional details about how it only took a weekend to conceive, what week they were on, etc. It was really crass.

Then perhaps you should have explained that in your first post.

I don't see why you're creating a whole new thread on this anyway. You really have nothing better to do than to hate on people this weekend?

Are you actually experiencing infertility or just here to comment? If you are experiencing infertility, one your period after waiting 45 days for a period and having all the doctors tell you there is nothing wrong with you then you get it.

Not only infertility, but multiple losses, my dear. And I really don't see what the problem is, and I think you're a really angry, sad person who should do happier things. Seething in resentment will not make you happier!!!

[Anonymous]

Those are insensitive comments. I’m sorry.

My cousin got cancer diagnosis after cancer diagnosis and fought so hard for 16 years. I’ve never been diagnosed with cancer (yet). I don’t want cancer and I’m thankful I haven’t had it, but it does cross my mind that it’s very unfair that my cousin suffered so much, while I’ve been spared. I don’t deserve to be cancer free any more than she did. I would never have said that to her or her closer relatives, but I think about it. Sometimes when suffering is so concentrated, you wonder why it isn’t spread around a little more, even though you’re also grateful that you’re not suffering. Of course, it’s best to keep those thoughts to yourself and only offer support to those who are suffering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infertility is not different than other serious medical problems and it is frankly infantilizing how some women expect people to tiptoe around them. I know people living with terminal, stage 4 cancer who are far less sensitive to any slightly misphrased comment.

I am very sorry for your losses.

This person had a choice to say, so sorry thanks for sharing and instead included a humble brag and insincere mention of feeling bad for being so fortunate.

The equivalent on a cancer post is, "I feel guilty now that my family has never experienced cancer" when someone tells you their Dad died of cancer...

Still doesn't seem like a terrible comment. The "I feel guilty now that..." is what we disagree on, I think. To you it seems insincere, to me it feels like an attempt to relate and express compassion.

Just a bit of advice. Always try to take things and people at face value. It's so easy to go through life getting offended, but in the end, what does that do for you, except make YOUR life miserable? It's much easier to assume people have the best of intentions, even though they might express themselves awkwardly.

This person was bragging and making it about them. It was not a sincere comment.

They added additional details about how it only took a weekend to conceive, what week they were on, etc. It was really crass.

Then perhaps you should have explained that in your first post.

I don't see why you're creating a whole new thread on this anyway. You really have nothing better to do than to hate on people this weekend?

Are you actually experiencing infertility or just here to comment? If you are experiencing infertility, one your period after waiting 45 days for a period and having all the doctors tell you there is nothing wrong with you then you get it.

Not only infertility, but multiple losses, my dear. And I really don't see what the problem is, and I think you're a really angry, sad person who should do happier things. Seething in resentment will not make you happier!!!

I am deeply unhappy - what gave you the impression that I was happy about losing 5 babies in a year?

[Anonymous]

I also have no problem concieving, but have never been able to give birth to a living child. It’s devastating and crushing. I quit my job and hid in my bedroom for 6 months after one particularly devastating / complicated and physically drawn out miscarriage.

The statement “I’ve never had trouble conceiving” is a factual one, and you are choosing to be offended. Just like the baby showers, baby gender reveals and baby announcements all hurt I don’t blame those folks for just living their lives.