Dinners have gone to hell - give me all the ideas

[Anonymous]

I’ve tried the basic ones like reward charts and they work for a couple nights then it gets awful again. Our dinners are really ruining the end to almost every single day

I have 1/3/5yo boys and am typically on my own with them for dinner. Everyone has had snacks earlier so no one should be hangry. What generally happens is:
- 1.5yo gets to clingy part of day and wants to be held or starts getting destructive. 3 and 5yo watch a show
- I plate 1.5yos dinner first to get him in his highchair and both hands free. Put him in highchair while I get others plates and milk ready
- they generally come over ok, but then one will start bugging the other (typically the very loud 3yo being too loud for my tired 5yo). Annoyed kid starts to deteriorate while annoying kid ramps up annoying
- both kids say they don’t want the dinner and at least one leaves the table. I make clear there is not other food
- I’m up and down fetching things they’re asking for (more cheese on pasta, new fork because it got dropped etc)
- baby is done eating and fussing and wants up so I get him cleaned up. His running off to play gets other kids up again
- typically one child stays at table sad I’m not sitting with them, one child eats a bite and throws a fit that they’re hungry later (standing rule is only option later is banana), im frustrated and snapping, and no one enjoyed a single second of our time together

It used to help when i could calmly sit at the table and lead the convo (read a book, so mad libs etc to keep their attention, keep them at the table, and keep them quiet - the baby is too active and impatient for me to do that now)

I feel like it’s a mess on every front, their manners, all of our moods, my ability to give them a calm dinner time when I’m up and down, their pickiness, my ability to physically enforce things like coming back to the table when I’m so outnumber etc

Whenever one of them has dinner on their own, they’re calm and well mannered on focus on the meal.

Help with all the ideas (and none of the snark) please!

[Anonymous]

I’d feed the baby totally first while the other two are watching the show. Then you sit with hopefully fed and content baby in your lap while the older two eat.

[Anonymous]

I’d stop feeding them snacks before dinner, teach the older ones to help with dinner- setting the table, getting glasses of water, etc to keep them involved. No snacks at night if they don’t eat dinner. Focus on teaching them what to do and praising then what they do it rather than getting on them about what they are doing wrong. I’d do no toys immediately after dinner- teach them to help with clean up as well. Work on sitting at a table during different activities throughout the day not just meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d feed the baby totally first while the other two are watching the show. Then you sit with hopefully fed and content baby in your lap while the older two eat.

+1 Divide and conquer is what you need to do when you’re outnumbered. Maybe even turn off tv when you finish preparing dinner and 5 yo gets to play quietly while the younger two eat. Then you eat with oldest child, in peace, while the younger two play. It could be special one-on-one time for you two.

[Anonymous]

Ppl will say I'm crazy, but dinner-table-only toys for the older two. Something like those small "get the balls in the holes" games or those mini puzzle pieces you can build with. I have found this gets mine to the table without whining then while they're there they alternate between eating and playing, wihout the "I need to skip dinner so I can play" vibe. Second idea is if you have the ability to play their song requests, alternate between the two older kids requests. I have found that if you can keep them at the table, they will eat.

[Anonymous]

Oh also, those silverware holding things for the table are great to minimize gwtting up and down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d feed the baby totally first while the other two are watching the show. Then you sit with hopefully fed and content baby in your lap while the older two eat.

+1 Divide and conquer is what you need to do when you’re outnumbered. Maybe even turn off tv when you finish preparing dinner and 5 yo gets to play quietly while the younger two eat. Then you eat with oldest child, in peace, while the younger two play. It could be special one-on-one time for you two.

+1 to this and to the above suggestions about getting the kids to help with prep and setup.

[Anonymous]

You definitely need to feed the 1 yr old first. And ignore the person who said no snack. Of course little kids need a snack between a noon lunch and a 5:30 or 6 dinner.

Also, just accept you're in the thick of it now, and life won't be calm or quiet for several years.

[Anonymous]

Could you serve your dinner vegetables as the snack? Raw veggie and hummus or ranch?

[Anonymous]

What time is snack? Dinner? Bedtime? I think you should all eat together so maybe I’m the outlier. Realistically though I think expectations should be about 20 mins Sat at table or in high chair. Can you move the 3/5 year olds so they’re not next to each other? Tell the older 2 to tell you 2 good things about their day. You might need to get this started with your own day. We do a high, low and thankful and go around the table. Yours are s big young to maybe start with just 2 good things.

[Anonymous]

We feed our kids until age 2 or so. Meaning, sit next to them and put spoons in their mouths if they don’t do it themselves, distracting with toys as needed. That we they don’t get hungry /hangry.

[Anonymous]

Move dinner earlier. Turn off the TV. Have the afternoon snack earlier, make it smaller, add more protein and/or incorporate it as part of dinner prep. (So if you’re having broccoli or red peppers at dinner, serve some pieces with a yogurt dipping sauce for snack.)

One-pot meals to make cooking/plating easy for you. While you’re doing that, the three kids play together — they can make a block tower for the youngest to crash, or drive cars around, or the oldest can “read” a book to his brothers (one he’s memorized, or one he wants to narrate, or one where they can discuss the pictures). When that devolves after 10 minutes, it’s time to help set the table. Plastic plates and cups as needed. Youngest gets napkins and spoons. The Three carries ketchup, etc.

Everyone sits at the same time. Talk about the food. Ask if anything gross happened at school. Discuss the schedule for tomorrow. After another 10-15 mins, dinner is over. They carry plates to the sink and THEN, if they are cooperative and working together, they can watch a show. But the TV doesn’t happen if dinner doesn’t come to a successful, agreed-upon close. If you rush off, it stays off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve tried the basic ones like reward charts and they work for a couple nights then it gets awful again. Our dinners are really ruining the end to almost every single day

I have 1/3/5yo boys and am typically on my own with them for dinner. Everyone has had snacks earlier so no one should be hangry. What generally happens is:
- 1.5yo gets to clingy part of day and wants to be held or starts getting destructive. 3 and 5yo watch a show
- I plate 1.5yos dinner first to get him in his highchair and both hands free. Put him in highchair while I get others plates and milk ready
- they generally come over ok, but then one will start bugging the other (typically the very loud 3yo being too loud for my tired 5yo). Annoyed kid starts to deteriorate while annoying kid ramps up annoying
- both kids say they don’t want the dinner and at least one leaves the table. I make clear there is not other food
- I’m up and down fetching things they’re asking for (more cheese on pasta, new fork because it got dropped etc)
- baby is done eating and fussing and wants up so I get him cleaned up. His running off to play gets other kids up again
- typically one child stays at table sad I’m not sitting with them, one child eats a bite and throws a fit that they’re hungry later (standing rule is only option later is banana), im frustrated and snapping, and no one enjoyed a single second of our time together

It used to help when i could calmly sit at the table and lead the convo (read a book, so mad libs etc to keep their attention, keep them at the table, and keep them quiet - the baby is too active and impatient for me to do that now)

I feel like it’s a mess on every front, their manners, all of our moods, my ability to give them a calm dinner time when I’m up and down, their pickiness, my ability to physically enforce things like coming back to the table when I’m so outnumber etc

Whenever one of them has dinner on their own, they’re calm and well mannered on focus on the meal.

Help with all the ideas (and none of the snark) please!

I would stop doing this. Yes, put him in highchair, but instead of giving him his food, give him some toys to keep busy while you get the food finished up and plated. The baby is finishing eating too quickly and adding to the dinner dumpster fire. Otherwise, my only other suggestion is to anticipate what everyone will need and have it on the table. Not always successful/possible, I know, but this is what I would try. I find when I'm sitting at the table and not getting up constantly and distracted, I can nip the naughty behavior immediately.

[Anonymous]

OP your situation sounds like a nightmare and I don't know if it is just me, but all of the suggestions seem highly unlikely...turn OFF the TV? Have the five year old read a book to the younger kids? Don't give them snacks? Good lord, are the people on this page trying to push you over the edge?

[Anonymous]

I can't stand eating with my kids. Am I allowed to type that? My kids eat at a bar that faces into the kitchen. The other side of the bar is the kitchen and the sink. I generally do dishes/straighten kitchen while chatting with them as they eat. I am in the kitchen to easily hand out whatever else they need from the kitchen. I am with them, but not eating. I eat later, in peace, with a book, alone, without the annoying up and down nonsense. This probably sounds like bad parenting to some, but it has saved my sanity.