Ordering food in group when someone has allergies/special needs

[Anonymous]

I have a few friends who have kids with allergies or who eat Halal or no shellfish and pork. When we are ordering food for large gatherings, they don't want for me to order any dishes their kid or they can't eat. But I don't see why their special need should mean that everyone else has to also be restricted. I completely understand that there should be appetizers, main dishes, sides, and desserts that each conform with their food restrictions. But if someone else really loves crab dip or bacon bits on some different dishes, why should the restricted person care? If someone has such a bad allergy that just being in the same room as a tree nut or a shrimp would cause them to pull out their epi pen, then I'd be sure to avoid that. These are situations where I'm paying. It's not a bill-splitting scenario where they don't want to pay for expensive lobster that they can't eat.

[Anonymous]

Allergies are different. There can be cross contamination, things get dribbled into other dishes or tainted serveware used. Plus kids cannot always manage their own allergies and make safe choices.

I agree with you on non-allergy preferences.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of this depends on the ages of the kids. if the kids are old enough to avoid their allergens without parental hovering, I think you are okay ordering what you want so long as there are good options for the allergy/preference kids. It isn't your responsibility to make sure that other people's kids keep Kosher or Halal. That said, consider whether it is more important for you to have the people you want at the gathering vs. the food you want.

[Anonymous]

Everything is family style or buffet style?

Generally I don't care too much what other people eat, but I have been in a lot of situations where omnivores take some of everything and then there's very little left for the vegetarians who weren't near the front of the line. "Sorry the tofu curry is gone, but there's plenty of plain rice" happens a lot.

I also know some people who don't eat pork for religious reasons who feel uncomfortable eating food that was packed together with pork food.

So it feels more inclusive, when possible, to choose most foods that most people can eat.

My office is about half vegetarian, so we might do a meal of Indian food where almost everything is vegetarian but they'll have one or two dishes like lamb biryani and butter chicken off to the side. Or if there's Italian, it might be mostly pastas and eggplant parmesan but there is a relatively small container of meatballs on the side. Pizza we just get all vegetarian because the pepperoni never got eaten.

[Anonymous]

Why can't the parent just go first and serve the young kid with allergies a plate/serving spoon from all of the allergen-free options and then let the rest of the group enjoy the entire array of food options? That avoids cross contamination problems.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm with you as long as everyone is safe. That makes it hard for everyone else to find something they want to eat. Do you have to hang out with these people? They sound very difficult.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t want to be friends with you. Sounds like you want to order 40 dishes that are non-kosher and order one item for those keeping kosher, etc.

[Anonymous]

For allergens and young kids, I do think you need to avoid it. You don’t want a kid to accidentally grab garlic bread that was next to pesto sauce and have a reaction to the nuts. Or some uses the spoon for the gluten free pasta but then accidentally sticks it in the container of regular pasta etc. And the cross contamination at the restaurant concern.

As for avoiding food for religious reasons, I think as long as you have variety for everyone, you can order whatever you want since you’re paying! I don’t see why you couldn’t get bacon bits on the side though.

[Anonymous]

My son developed anaphylactic nut allergies as a preschooler.
I would have been extremely stressed to see peanuts or one of the tree nuts he was allergic to at the table during that early period, because anaphylaxis and young kids can be a fatal mix. Little ones don't remember they have allergies. In the midst of a large group, adults can make mistakes, serve the wrong dish, and the kid doesn't realize he has to refuse. My own husband made that mistake one day, and DS started having a crisis one minute after ingesting the spoonful he had been given!

By the time my son was in middle school, I was more confident that he'd remember to check before serving himself from a dish, or remember to ask an adult who proposed serving him.

So the ages of the kids REALLY matter for anaphylaxis, OP. It's a matter of life and death. I'm not going to comment on non-life-threatening allergies or religious interdicts, but perhaps these families feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to have everyone comfortable and happy. I always find compromised. I'd order something different for Halal. I cannot imagine serving something knowing someone has an allergy and can have a reaction. It's not that hard to please people and leave out something like bacon, etc. Some young kids are picky. Mine were.

[Anonymous]

I'd respect it for a life-threatening allergy. Beyond that, we're ordering what everyone likes and will make sure everybody has something they can eat and enjoy. If you don't like that, you can leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t want to be friends with you. Sounds like you want to order 40 dishes that are non-kosher and order one item for those keeping kosher, etc.

As someone who keeps kosher, if someone did this for me, I'd be grateful. I'm not paying, cooking, or cleaning up the meal. It's nice to be included.

OP, I think you're OK as long as you order a variety of dishes that those with food restrictions can eat. Maybe have them serve themselves and their kids first so none of them end up hungry.

[Anonymous]

When entertaining a group of people
I don’t know well I stick with chicken/beef and pasta/veg.

Hard to go wrong when you keep it simple.

[Anonymous]

This has got to be a troll post. No parent insists that all 20 dishes are halal because their kid eats halal. I say this as a vegetarian who is always acutely aware of who else is abiding by special dietary conditions. In 30 years of vegetarianism, I've never seen this happen.

If I had a kid who was severely allergic to something, I might make a request. Though frankly, if I knew a kid in the crowd was severely allergic to something, I'd have already suggested a restaurant that wholly fit within that restriction, because I would have already been thinking about the poor kid.

But we've had many, many friends with mild to moderate allergies over the years, and they never make excessive requests. Honestly, the vast majority of people with special diets are so self conscious about not wanting to trouble anyone, that they are usually 'underserved" in a group setting, but would never say anything.

OP, you're a nut because the scenario you describe has never happened - so clearly you're overexaggerating what did happen, and thus being a drama queen about what was likely a totally reasonable request.

[Anonymous]

"No parent insists that all 20 dishes are halal because their kid eats halal. "

Among my friends who eat halal, the entire family eats that way. It's never just the kids.