Does anyone else’s child tend to overreact/ see themselves as a ‘victim’?

[Anonymous]

Trying to figure out if this is part of a specific dx or just a trait. Ds takes all these things super personally and gets really defensive . Like things that just ‘happen’ he sometimes is like ‘you left me out’ or ‘you didn’t wait for me’ etc etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trying to figure out if this is part of a specific dx or just a trait. Ds takes all these things super personally and gets really defensive . Like things that just ‘happen’ he sometimes is like ‘you left me out’ or ‘you didn’t wait for me’ etc etc

Yes. 100%. I associate this with the ADHD/ASD DX.

Look up Rejection Sensitivity Disorder.

DBT can help.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I literally just posted about this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I literally just posted about this!

Link?

[Anonymous]

oDD - oppositional defiant disorder

It’s a maladaptive coping mechanism they developed young and never stop. It can lead to narcissism if not nipped in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Yes DBT can help. It’s time consuming but need good habits, taking responsibility for behavior, and positive coping methods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I literally just posted about this!

Which post?

Anyway, OP, mine does too. We suspect ADHD but not diagnosed.

[Anonymous]

yes, my parents' child - me. It's possible to have that view without a personality disorder. Parenting played a big part in my case - excessive and inappropriate criticism (comparison with other, often older children), adults fighting between themselves and berating each other, mom and grandmother also having a victimized personal narrative. By all means get your child an evaluation and DBT, but also work with a specialist to determine if you need to change anything in your parenting.

[Anonymous]

DH. No matter what happens it's always someone else's fault. My psychologist friend believes he knows he's wrong and it's a defensive, protective mechanism that would otherwise make him have really low self-esteem.

It turned abusive because the anger turned to attacking me because I was always the closest person around to blame. Would occur in every aspect of life. Smaller things his leaving the garage freezer open and everything melting. It was my fault because I put the freezer in the garage and why didn't we put it somewhere else. Big things like his losing his job even though I've never met anyone at his work but because he got up too late a few times because the temperature was too hot for him to sleep and I didn't think to turn on the AC because it was winter.

Your child's situation does not sound this bad but typing this to tell you how it can grow out of control in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

I would approach the situation with more compassion for your child. If it's a defense mechanism, what does he feel like he has to defend? How is his self-esteem? Is he just looking for validation, for somebody to say, "hey, your situation is a bummer, I'm sorry that happened to you?" Are you being defensive when he blames you, or are you able to deescalate?

It's always helpful to look at behavior as a communication of a need rather than immediately pathologizing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would approach the situation with more compassion for your child. If it's a defense mechanism, what does he feel like he has to defend? How is his self-esteem? Is he just looking for validation, for somebody to say, "hey, your situation is a bummer, I'm sorry that happened to you?" Are you being defensive when he blames you, or are you able to deescalate?

It's always helpful to look at behavior as a communication of a need rather than immediately pathologizing it.

Op - this is a great point. I think as sn parents we are so used to pathologizing that sometimes we get in our own way.
My gut is it’s likely a component of rsd but also to your point a reaction to something more. It does permeate everything though so I feel like I am constantly trying to solve for it and it does feel like a brain difference is at play

[Anonymous]

Parent coaching will help a bit. People do need to take responsibility for their actions but children with this RSD also need a heavy dose of accolades and reassurance that being wrong/failing/etc doesn't mean they are unloved or unworthy. They also have a poor time of self-reflection and seeing how their actions contributed to the failure. Individual therapy will not help.with this as therapy is too far removed from the situations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I literally just posted about this!

Link?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1106029.page

Here. I am so exhausted from listening to my DS whine and carry on about everyone being "mean" to him. Any perceived slight registers as an insult and he can't be reasoned with. Asking him to do anything that he perceives as inconvenient (picking up a chair, clearing the table) results in him moaning and groaning that I am "so rude."

I have legit concerns that he will grow up as a loner with anger management issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH. No matter what happens it's always someone else's fault. My psychologist friend believes he knows he's wrong and it's a defensive, protective mechanism that would otherwise make him have really low self-esteem.

It turned abusive because the anger turned to attacking me because I was always the closest person around to blame. Would occur in every aspect of life. Smaller things his leaving the garage freezer open and everything melting. It was my fault because I put the freezer in the garage and why didn't we put it somewhere else. Big things like his losing his job even though I've never met anyone at his work but because he got up too late a few times because the temperature was too hot for him to sleep and I didn't think to turn on the AC because it was winter.

Your child's situation does not sound this bad but typing this to tell you how it can grow out of control in adulthood.

I am the PP and my father was exactly like this. If a cup leaked, it was my mother's fault because she's the one that purchased the crappy cup from the store. He couldn't just clean up the water, toss the cup, and move on...it had to be someone's actual fault that this happened. If he stubbed his toe while walking, it was my fault because he was grabbing his shoes to drive me somewhere. Constant grumbling to himself or mumbling under his breath about about the person who "made him do" these things. People were always "in the way" when he was driving...no, they were just neighbors driving themselves to wherever they needed to be. FWIW, he was an odd, unhappy man.