How do you accept your new thin identity?

[Anonymous]

I‘ve always been the heavier sister, and my sister has always been the thin one. Every time I lose weight, I feel anxious that I will be “changing the system” and I won’t feel like myself or will cause conflict in my family because of my weight. So I try to hide the weight loss or stop immediately so that I won’t change. How do you stop the feeling that you won’t be yourself or someone will be disappointed that you’ve changed?

[Anonymous]

As long as you don't flaunt your weight loss, it shouldn't be a problem. If there is, it's likely to be some jealousy from your sister. OTOH, she actually could be inspired to lose weight herself.

[Anonymous]

You are more than your weight. I don't think weight is really much of an identity

[Anonymous]

My sister and I flip flopped at some point. (I went from being the heavier one to the thinner one) and now we could flip again.

Here is my take - if someone is mad or sad about your weight loss, that is on them. You are not doing anything to them. They are in charge of their own body.

BTW - I think it is really common for people to feel uncomfortable with losing weight. But as someone said above, you are more than your weight.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think your sister or your family think of you this way or would feel anything but happy for you for getting healthier

[Anonymous]

Losing weight takes a long time. It happens slowly and you can adjust.

[Anonymous]

I just look at myself and say, “Damn. Glad I’m thin.”

[Anonymous]

I’m cool with it. Others won’t let it go. People still talk it about in front of me, particularly how fat I used to be. But I’m male so I guess it’s OK. I never said anything about what I was doing or why.

Just roll with it and ignore everybody else.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. My sister and I are almost at that point where I will be obviously thinner than her. I’ll also be thinner than my mother.

In my (messed up) family, this is a source of tension. They constantly try to compete with me or get me to eat fattening foods when we’re together. I try to just avoid it.

Not sure what a healthier family would do. But, when I’m thin, I wear bulkier clothes when I’m around them and don’t share obviously skinny photos, etc.

As I’m typing this, I realize how messed up this is. They used me to bolster their self confidence for my whole life, so me being skinny is hard on all of it bc it changes the dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I‘ve always been the heavier sister, and my sister has always been the thin one. Every time I lose weight, I feel anxious that I will be “changing the system” and I won’t feel like myself or will cause conflict in my family because of my weight. So I try to hide the weight loss or stop immediately so that I won’t change. How do you stop the feeling that you won’t be yourself or someone will be disappointed that you’ve changed?

Therapy. You’ve got some real patterns of thinking that need to be unpacked and put away if you’re going to maintain the weight loss. Time to get off this hamster wheel. Until you do this emotional work, you’ll just keep repeating this. You can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. My sister and I are almost at that point where I will be obviously thinner than her. I’ll also be thinner than my mother.

In my (messed up) family, this is a source of tension. They constantly try to compete with me or get me to eat fattening foods when we’re together. I try to just avoid it.

Not sure what a healthier family would do. But, when I’m thin, I wear bulkier clothes when I’m around them and don’t share obviously skinny photos, etc.

As I’m typing this, I realize how messed up this is. They used me to bolster their self confidence for my whole life, so me being skinny is hard on all of it bc it changes the dynamic.

OP: thank you for sharing. I think it’s very subconscious, that whenever the family dynamic changes at all, they work to return to the equilibrium. I wish I could just hide my body for long enough to feel comfortable with it myself, so maybe bulky clothing is a good idea.