Feeling desperate-quit my job?

[Anonymous]

I like my job. We live in a low/medium cost of living area and I make $160k. My job is not that hard, but there is stress. Mistakes are high stakes and I do have to produce and I am replaceable. I am in person 3 days a week. It’s otherwise pretty flexible.

I am feeling desperate and worn down. My life feels not worth living. My body is a mess. I don’t get enough sleep. I don’t get enough time for myself, or exercise, or sunlight. Every day feels like raw survival, peppered with moments of joy with my kids, but no rest.

My DH has ADHD and ASD, introversion, and very low energy. He loves me and he tries, but I carry 90% of the workload for our life.

Our DD has SN and is age 4. She has intractable epilepsy and a genetic disorder that causes ID and motor issues. We have a neuro typical 6 yo as well.

Something has got to change. Over the last 3 years, I have tried the following:
-therapy for myself and for DH and I
-antidepressants for me
-hiring a full time nanny
-moving jobs and to this LCOL area
-helping DH land a higher paying, lower stress job in hopes he’d help more (he doesn’t)
-ALL the therapies and doctors for DS

And I’m STILL miserable and underwater. I don’t know what else to change or to try. I’m thinking to quit my job, but my job isn’t really the core problem, but it feels like one of the only things I can change. I’m afraid I won’t be able to get back into my career again if I even take 2-3 years off though.

What else can I try? This is a Hail Mary looking for ideas.

[Anonymous]

What do you like? Playing pickleball, throwing clay, crochet, saxophone, gardening? You need to return to or start a new hobby. Maybe you'll be able to join a group and meet people, maybe you'll just have time to focus on something else, something enjoyable.

It doesn't sound like quitting your job is what you need. You've recently moved to a new area and it takes time to settle in. So you need to work on that, and on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Op you are in the depths of it. We have all been there - but that sounds super hard. Who does most of the care for your sn child? Does that person live with you?

[Anonymous]

Sounds overwhelming. When you had joint therapy, did DH implement any of the recommendations?

[Anonymous]

Your job does not sound like the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you like? Playing pickleball, throwing clay, crochet, saxophone, gardening? You need to return to or start a new hobby. Maybe you'll be able to join a group and meet people, maybe you'll just have time to focus on something else, something enjoyable.

It doesn't sound like quitting your job is what you need. You've recently moved to a new area and it takes time to settle in. So you need to work on that, and on yourself.

Op here. We’ve been in our new area for 3 years now, so it’s not new.

My problem is I have zero free time. Zero. My sleep is interrupted by DD every night. I wake up to caring for children, then go to work, then come home and care for children/clean until i collapse into bed. I don’t have time to shower every day, or sleep, or eat real meals. I don’t need a hobby. I need a break. I wish DH would help more or that DD would need me less but I can’t control those things. Quitting my job is feeling like the only alternative at this point. I don’t know how else to find some balance. The dual career household with kids with SN feels untenable to me and I’m struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you are in the depths of it. We have all been there - but that sounds super hard. Who does most of the care for your sn child? Does that person live with you?

Op here. I do, except when I’m at work, then the nanny does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds overwhelming. When you had joint therapy, did DH implement any of the recommendations?

Op here. A little, and then slid back. Then we went to a new therapist and same results. It’s been 3 years and I’m too tired to arrange and participate in more therapy when DH either can’t or won’t change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your job does not sound like the problem.

Op here. It’s not!! It’s really not. I really like it most of the time. But it feels like the only thing I can change or control.

[Anonymous]

Take a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a vacation.

Op here. I’m actually off now. I’ve been off since Christmas. I’m still beyond exhausted.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford to quit, or if there is a way to work part time, then I say go for it. Even though you like your job, you sound completely exhausted and like you would benefit from even a temporary break to tend to your other needs. You can always get a new job if/when you feel ready.

[Anonymous]

I cannot find the words to state how much I admire you. You are a saint. There is a higher power. Few could do what you do.

Beyond my "take a vacation" suggestion, I am at a loss for advice. But, you are an incredible person.

[Anonymous]

Op - can your childcare stay 2h after you get home from work? Surely would cost less than quitting altogether

[Anonymous]

Have you considered adding a steamshower to one of your home bathrooms ? Will relieve stress, clean out pores, and help with sleep.

Vitamins. Be sure to take zinc. B12.