Will a "hall pass" save our relationship

[Anonymous]

I'll cut to the chase, our relationship is not doing hot. We both don't have sexual desire at each other and I would hate to see it in when we have five kids. Would giving my husband a hall pass work?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

No it won't. A hall pass won't make your relationship saveable but communicating why there's no sexual desire will. Have an open and honest conversation about what each of you are missing/lacking from each other and take it from there.

[Anonymous]

no but it will expedite a divorce

[Anonymous]

Well it won't make it worse, if that's what you're asking.

[Anonymous]

No, just like having a baby wouldn’t.

A hall pass requires a certain sense of trust In the relationship, and I’m guessing that isn’t there if this is a last resort.

[Anonymous]

A hall pass is very rarely a one-and-done. It’s an open door to the inevitable divorce. Figure out why you have no desire with one another and either fix it or divorce before you bring others into the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll cut to the chase, our relationship is not doing hot. We both don't have sexual desire at each other and I would hate to see it in when we have five kids. Would giving my husband a hall pass work?

Only if it was that easy. Hall pass is just first step down the hill to crash.

[Anonymous]

You'd truly be ok with that? Wondering who the person was, imagining details of what they did, was it better than you, will he want to do it again? Or is sex that black and white for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A hall pass is very rarely a one-and-done. It’s an open door to the inevitable divorce. Figure out why you have no desire with one another and either fix it or divorce before you bring others into the marriage.

This^. Band aids don't cure underlying issue.

[Anonymous]

Gasoline on the fire.

[Anonymous]

Worth a shot.

[Anonymous]

What makes you think a hall pass would do for improving your relationship? How will it remediate the issues you're having?

[Anonymous]

One thing is 100% certain: if you aren't having regular sex with him, he will (if not already) be going elsewhere to meet those needs. So granting him an official hall pass at least makes that easier for everybody, avoids the dishonesty of him just sneaking around.

to all then PP's who say "no don't do that" .... you are saying let their sexless marriage quickly crash/burn/divorce. How is THAT a better solution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing is 100% certain: if you aren't having regular sex with him, he will (if not already) be going elsewhere to meet those needs. So granting him an official hall pass at least makes that easier for everybody, avoids the dishonesty of him just sneaking around.

to all then PP's who say "no don't do that" .... you are saying let their sexless marriage quickly crash/burn/divorce. How is THAT a better solution?

That’s you. That’s not all men. No matter how many times you post that it’s a universal truth, it just is not.

I’m the higher drive DW and it’s just simply 100% not true that our frequency predicts his infidelity risk. The only thing it measures is his stress level.