Never stops talking about “Grandbabies”

[Anonymous]

I am almost 60 and it seems that everywhere I go now I am noticing a new phenomenon. Whether I am at a social event or a work event or taking a little craft class in my neighborhood or traveling there always seem to be a couple of people where talk about nothing except their grandchildren. I was at a Christmas party with people from church and one lady had a sweatshirt on and somehow or other combined the ideas of Christmas and grandchildren like happy Christmas from a lady who has 12 grandchildren or something like that.

I guess I’m just confused by the whole thing. I never really identified myself primarily as a mother nor have I really regarded Being a mother as my greatest achievement . It just seems strange to me that women seem to hit a certain age and it’s like they have no other interests Or identity other than being a grandmother. Is it in evitable? Will it happen to me too? Personally I find the conversation about being a grandmother about as boring as I found the conversation about teething and toilet training and all the rest. Is there a way to shut it down? I’m finding it excruciating.

[Anonymous]

I mean I would prioritize fixing your personality but to avoid talking about your grandchildren too much just never learn their names or anything about them, then you won’t have anything to say and your problem will be solved.

[Anonymous]

It is the one safe topic of conversation among seniors. They can’t discuss politics anymore (for obvious reasons), the weather (it’s political, too), or health issues (yep, poltitical). My MIL stopped going to the senior center in her parish (like a county) because of fighting between elderly people —sometimes physical fights over other topics.

[Anonymous]

Are you a grandmother? You kind of sound like my mom. She wasn’t a great mom either and only talks about her sports team or her craft now.

[Anonymous]

I think it's interesting how people come on DCUM and ask for help and others attack them for having a problem. It's their challenge and can we just honor that please? One human to another?

I have an adult child, but no grandchildren and likely will not have any for various reasons. I don't mind hearing about other people's grandchildren (I love kids), but I do like other topics as well. I would love to hear about people's retirement travels and their hobbies, books they have read, their volunteer work etc. I usually don't talk about my own child unless people ask about him (and I think I was a very good parent, whatever that means anyway).

OP, I know what you are talking about. I like to learn new things in retirement. Find some activities that put you in touch with broadening experiences.

Let's try not to be so judgmental here. Any topic that is overdone can be exhausting.

[Anonymous]

My parents are like this and their obsession with their grandkids is largely about the fact that they know they screwed up parenting (they were abusive, emotionally immature, and neglectful), and they think they are getting a do-over.

The grandparents I know who still obviously love their grandkids but don’t make them their whole life are more mature people. They balance their relationships with their grandkids with other things, like friendships, their marriages, work or hobbies, and their relationship ship with their adult kids.

When someone makes only the young children in their lives the center of everything but struggles with adult relationships, ask yourself why. I already see my parents losing interest in and becoming frustrated by their oldest grandkids, who have their own lives and don’t just worship them all the time.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re going to just have to accept at face value that some people do, in fact, find a lot of joy in being a parent or grandparent and it becomes the center of their life experience. Which kinda makes sense when you think about the end of life and what matters when you look back. For most people it is going to be those family relationships.

That doesn’t mean your way is wrong but I do think you just need to accept that it’s valid and common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re going to just have to accept at face value that some people do, in fact, find a lot of joy in being a parent or grandparent and it becomes the center of their life experience. Which kinda makes sense when you think about the end of life and what matters when you look back. For most people it is going to be those family relationships.

That doesn’t mean your way is wrong but I do think you just need to accept that it’s valid and common.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re going to just have to accept at face value that some people do, in fact, find a lot of joy in being a parent or grandparent and it becomes the center of their life experience. Which kinda makes sense when you think about the end of life and what matters when you look back. For most people it is going to be those family relationships.

That doesn’t mean your way is wrong but I do think you just need to accept that it’s valid and common.

But it’s mostly women who do this. Men still seem to have hobbies and interests and opinions about other things.

[Anonymous]

I can’t wait to offend people like you. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re going to just have to accept at face value that some people do, in fact, find a lot of joy in being a parent or grandparent and it becomes the center of their life experience. Which kinda makes sense when you think about the end of life and what matters when you look back. For most people it is going to be those family relationships.

That doesn’t mean your way is wrong but I do think you just need to accept that it’s valid and common.

But it’s mostly women who do this. Men still seem to have hobbies and interests and opinions about other things.

You want to talk about tennis, fishing and golf. 🤪

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re going to just have to accept at face value that some people do, in fact, find a lot of joy in being a parent or grandparent and it becomes the center of their life experience. Which kinda makes sense when you think about the end of life and what matters when you look back. For most people it is going to be those family relationships.

That doesn’t mean your way is wrong but I do think you just need to accept that it’s valid and common.

+1 for sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are like this and their obsession with their grandkids is largely about the fact that they know they screwed up parenting (they were abusive, emotionally immature, and neglectful), and they think they are getting a do-over.

The grandparents I know who still obviously love their grandkids but don’t make them their whole life are more mature people. They balance their relationships with their grandkids with other things, like friendships, their marriages, work or hobbies, and their relationship ship with their adult kids.

When someone makes only the young children in their lives the center of everything but struggles with adult relationships, ask yourself why. I already see my parents losing interest in and becoming frustrated by their oldest grandkids, who have their own lives and don’t just worship them all the time.

But YOU turned out well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are like this and their obsession with their grandkids is largely about the fact that they know they screwed up parenting (they were abusive, emotionally immature, and neglectful), and they think they are getting a do-over.

The grandparents I know who still obviously love their grandkids but don’t make them their whole life are more mature people. They balance their relationships with their grandkids with other things, like friendships, their marriages, work or hobbies, and their relationship ship with their adult kids.

When someone makes only the young children in their lives the center of everything but struggles with adult relationships, ask yourself why. I already see my parents losing interest in and becoming frustrated by their oldest grandkids, who have their own lives and don’t just worship them all the time.

But YOU turned out well?

No, I’m quite screwed up, but unlike my parents, I can admit this and go to therapy in order to break the chain of generational trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am almost 60 and it seems that everywhere I go now I am noticing a new phenomenon. Whether I am at a social event or a work event or taking a little craft class in my neighborhood or traveling there always seem to be a couple of people where talk about nothing except their grandchildren. I was at a Christmas party with people from church and one lady had a sweatshirt on and somehow or other combined the ideas of Christmas and grandchildren like happy Christmas from a lady who has 12 grandchildren or something like that.

I guess I’m just confused by the whole thing. I never really identified myself primarily as a mother nor have I really regarded Being a mother as my greatest achievement . It just seems strange to me that women seem to hit a certain age and it’s like they have no other interests Or identity other than being a grandmother. Is it in evitable? Will it happen to me too? Personally I find the conversation about being a grandmother about as boring as I found the conversation about teething and toilet training and all the rest. Is there a way to shut it down? I’m finding it excruciating.

My MIL is like this. It is all she talks about. My kids are older now (teens) and now she only talks about her younger grandchildren, who are all under 7. It's actually hard for me to talk on the phone with her because she literally cannot talk about anything else but what they said to her, how they love being at her house, etc. She really doesn't even ask about our kids anymore, I think because now that mine are older they are just not as interesting to her. My mom dotes on her grandchildren as well, but she has many interests that keep her busy (bookclubs, volunteering, lunches with friends). My mom also has cultivated a nice relationship with each of her grandchildren that has been maintained as they have gotten older. She really knows who they are and loves them so unconditionally. My MIL has many great qualities, but really not any friends or any interests other than her grandchildren.