Help me live with this: I hate having a dog

[Anonymous]

My kids BEGGED me for a dog for ten years, I mean seriously begged. One of them is just obsessed with animals to the point I think he’ll be a vet or something. We finally caved right before the pandemic and got them a dog and they are so so happy. They really never complain about having to take care of the dog and really and truly, I am happy they are happy.

The problem is I hate it. I hate how much it’s changed our life. The kids help, yes, but most of the care falls to me of course (as I knew would happen). I hate walking the dog, I hate how much mess there is related to the dog, I hate having to contain the dog when service people or visitors come, I hate being followed around by the dog, I hate that we got an invite to go away last minute this weekend but can’t because we’d have to find dog care and spend hundreds of dollars. I hate being interrupted in the middle of work. Etc etc.

I swear to god I am a great dog mom - the dog loves me and I really do a great job of faking not being miserable for the kids’ sake but I was really thinking I would grow to love having a dog and I just don’t. How do I cope? Just like any other drudgery with parenting, I guess? Just keep going for the kids?

[Anonymous]

Just to clarify, you've had the dog for 2.5 years? It's well trained?

[Anonymous]

Yes, dog is almost three. Got her as a puppy. She’s trained, but I wouldn’t say “well” haha. We did our best. She’s extremely active and playful and friendly and excitable. She’s objectively a great dog.

[Anonymous]

I guess you power through but certainly never get another dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess you power through but certainly never get another dog.

Yeah we don’t have to worry about that 😜 anyone else feel this way? No question I guess, just a vent.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? I know a couple families who got dogs for their kids, the dogs died around when the kids moved out, and they just never got another dog

[Anonymous]

Can you figure out how to get a dog/ house sitter for travel? See if you can get your kids to pick up the responsibility more. Baby gates to stash behind furniture and put between doorways for service visitors. It is great the dog likes you so much, unfortunate you are feeling what the dog has to offer isn’t worth it. You probably have great legs with the dog walks.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this sometimes. As with most things, if you can't change the situation, you can change the way you respond to it. Maybe instead of focusing on the things you hate, you need a mental reset of the things you are grateful for (the dog makes your kids happy, you're getting more exercise, or maybe taking a break from work is a good thing).

I understand the frustration with travel / last-minute getaway opps. I urge you to channel your frustration into finding a dog-sitting solution. You will be much happier and it will make life so much more bearable. If you got the dog as a puppy, ask the breeder if other dog siblings / parents live nearby and they could do an intro. Playdates / dog-sitting swaps with puppy siblings are great. Or other friends with a similar-aged dog? If not, maybe dog-less neighbors who are older/ in their 20s, or similar to where you were a few years ago - the kids want a dog but they haven't dove in yet - are all good options for affordable /free pet sitting. There are many people who can't have a dog full-time, but would love to dogsit for a weekend or week.

I love dogs, but my DH does not, so I have compassion for you. PS - You're a good mom.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way as you. My husband wanted a dog and does the bulk of the work but dog is worse than a newborn.

[Anonymous]

From what I've read on DCUM there are a lot of parents who feel the same way about their kids as you do about the dog. They find the kids annoying and they also feel a lot of guilt and they also love them, more or less.

Just be glad your problem is you feel this way about a dog.

[Anonymous]

I also feel similarly. AirBnB is great for finding last minute accommodations that allow dogs. Also, certain hotel chains allow for pets with minimal pet fees. If you can’t leave your pet alone in a strange place for a certain time each day, it needs better training.

[Anonymous]

Things aren't always about you...

[Anonymous]

This will sound terrible, but is it a breed with a shorter (typical) lifespan?

[Anonymous]

We got our first dog as a puppy a year ago--I thought I had ruined my life and still think that on some occasions, OP. It's certainly a lot more work and attention than I realized. When I'm out walking the dog and don't feel like it (most walks!), I try to be positive and say going out for a walk is definitely better for my health than sitting on the sofa, which is what I would be doing right now if I didn't have this d*mn dog! We also find ourselves on a ridiculous dog "bed time" schedule and I'm not sure why--he's just a dog, can't he go to bed whenever?!

I'm not sure I have many words of wisdom, but I do think a mindset shift is necessary or you are just going to continue to be miserable. Unless you get rid of the dog, that's not a great way to spend your time. Having a dog definitely has it's (many) negatives, but I do really enjoy the snuggles and such, so keep thinking of those moments that bring you and your family joy.

[Anonymous]

We had sweet old dogs, they died. DW insisted on a new dog. I insisted on low energy. The rescue lied and said this was a low energy dog. We got an anxious, high strung, fusion energy machine. We have a small house. I end up spending hours a day with this beast, walking, managing, keeping it from destroying our place. I am working with a trainer to help get a handle on this little nugget. I feel for you.