Tween (10) told me she "likes" a girl in her class

[Anonymous]

Last night my DD 10 told me she had a secret. About crushes. Eventually she told me that she "likes, likes" a girl in her class.

I am trying not to read too much into it. I told her you can like anyone for who they are in the inside. That's what important. She asked me if I ever "liked" a girl, and I said I've thought some were really pretty and nice. ( I wasn't sure what to say).

Any advice here? I know some people say they knew they were gay from a very young age. And if she is, so be it. However I think she's young for crushes.

Any advice would be appreciated.

thanks.

[Anonymous]

10 is not young for crushes. My 8 year old had her crush on her girl friend for a while and then it passed. I wouldn't think much of it. and if she's gay, who cares?

[Anonymous]

There’s no advice here other than to do what you did: listen. You can stay curious: “So what exactly is it about Sally that you like?” You can honor her feelings: “Based on what you’ve shared, Sally sounds like a pretty cool kid.”

That’s it. You don’t need to process anything with her. Just be available and open to talking with her. The only thing I’d listen for are the same things I’d listen for with any kid at this age: mean girl behavior, excluding others, etc.

[Anonymous]

10 is not going for crushes (it’s not old either, some kids have them younger, some older). I think you did great. No need to label anything now, just wait and see. I agree with pp to just listen. Don’t take it too seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 is not going for crushes (it’s not old either, some kids have them younger, some older). I think you did great. No need to label anything now, just wait and see. I agree with pp to just listen. Don’t take it too seriously.

Meant to say “10 is not young….”

[Anonymous]

You should tell her "Thank you for telling me this about you. I always like knowing things about you since I love you so much." Anything after that, would be whatever you would have done if she had told you she had a crush on a boy in her class.

I'm female and straight and remember having a crush on a boy at around age 10. My teenagers (one straight boy, one gay girl, and one straight girl) all had crushes around 10 or 11 too. It's a very normal age for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should tell her "Thank you for telling me this about you. I always like knowing things about you since I love you so much." Anything after that, would be whatever you would have done if she had told you she had a crush on a boy in her class.

I'm female and straight and remember having a crush on a boy at around age 10. My teenagers (one straight boy, one gay girl, and one straight girl) all had crushes around 10 or 11 too. It's a very normal age for that.

Not OP, but thank you for this!

[Anonymous]

It’s normal. It doesn’t mean she is gay. I was in an all girls school and girls had crushes on the cooler older girls. There were even fan clubs. I wouldn’t read too much into it right now.

[Anonymous]

I had crushes way before that. first grade I think. And lots of other kids in the class said they did too.

I distinctly remember having butterflies in my stomach at age 9. Ryan. He was so cute and was so nice to me.

Kids that are are too young for acting on crushes but not for having crushes. Their sexually doesn't matter here.

Maybe examine how you feel about the possibility of your daughter being gay (even though only they can really know). Some parents feel like they are very supportive of the LGBT community until it looks like their kid might be part of that community. It can be hard to imagine them potentially getting teased and not having the traditional nuclear family you imagined them to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had crushes way before that. first grade I think. And lots of other kids in the class said they did too.

I distinctly remember having butterflies in my stomach at age 9. Ryan. He was so cute and was so nice to me.

Kids that are are too young for acting on crushes but not for having crushes. Their sexually doesn't matter here.

Maybe examine how you feel about the possibility of your daughter being gay (even though only they can really know). Some parents feel like they are very supportive of the LGBT community until it looks like their kid might be part of that community. It can be hard to imagine them potentially getting teased and not having the traditional nuclear family you imagined them to have.

OP here. Thank you to everyone for their replies. Very helpful and respectful.

As far as your post, the bolded def ran through my head. What if she tells a girl she likes her and gets rejected, then she gets teased about being gay. Or how does she know who is gay and who isn't, when she's ready to date (not as easy as there is a cute boy. I like boys. maybe he will like me, kind of thing).

Ultimately, as long as she's happy, I really don't care who she falls in love with eventually. It did make me consider not moving to states that are not protective of the gay community.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, please be kind. If she’s gay, there’s 100% nothing anyone can do about it so just be kind. Also, it’s OK to feel disappointed but not OK to let her know that. I’m not just talking about right now I’m talking about forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had crushes way before that. first grade I think. And lots of other kids in the class said they did too.

I distinctly remember having butterflies in my stomach at age 9. Ryan. He was so cute and was so nice to me.

Kids that are are too young for acting on crushes but not for having crushes. Their sexually doesn't matter here.

Maybe examine how you feel about the possibility of your daughter being gay (even though only they can really know). Some parents feel like they are very supportive of the LGBT community until it looks like their kid might be part of that community. It can be hard to imagine them potentially getting teased and not having the traditional nuclear family you imagined them to have.

OP here. Thank you to everyone for their replies. Very helpful and respectful.

As far as your post, the bolded def ran through my head. What if she tells a girl she likes her and gets rejected, then she gets teased about being gay. Or how does she know who is gay and who isn't, when she's ready to date (not as easy as there is a cute boy. I like boys. maybe he will like me, kind of thing).

Ultimately, as long as she's happy, I really don't care who she falls in love with eventually. It did make me consider not moving to states that are not protective of the gay community.

This isn’t really a thing anymore, at least where my kids go to school. Especially for girls. By the time they get to middle school, at least half of them will have crushes on other girls.

[Anonymous]

You handled it well and I don’t think there is anything else to do. You listed and you had a conversation. You don’t need to discuss in detail dating girls or boys or anything more with her because she’s 10 and too young for that. It sounds like your daughter is comfortable talking to you, that’s what matters right now.

[Anonymous]

10:11 here. I read your other post and you don’t have to worry about teasing about being gay here. Around that age my daughter had a smiler conversation with us. We handled it similarly to you. She’s in middle school now and a lot of her friends have liked boys, girls, and some switch. They kids have an easier time with this than the adults. At the moment, we aren’t exactly sure who our daughter has crushes on since any mention of an interest by parents cues the teen eye roll.

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old DD has also told us she has a crush on a girl. When she told us we assured her that it doesn’t matter to us whether she has a crush on a girl or a boy and then had the same conversation we would have had about a crush on a boy. She’s also had a crush on a boy since then. We just wanted to make sure she feels comfortable talking to us. Also, the crush on girls thing seems to be very common among girls that age. DD says her friends and the other kids in 5th grade openly talk about it. It is definitely not the taboo it would have been when I was in 5th grade.