GYN Examination -- tips/help appreciated

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if anyone could share their tips with getting through a GYN examination, and/or suggest a doctor whom they have found helpful (patient, gentle) in this regard. I know it's generally not fun at all, and a "must do" for health reasons (especially if one is hoping to conceive). But I've just never been able to deal with the procedure well at all -- always clamping, never relaxed. The doctor has actually never gotten a look all the way in there, because of this difficulty I seem to have with relaxation. (What has been visible has appeared normal, luckily, but again, the ideal scenario is to have a thorough check-up.)

I'm in my mid 30s, so it feels shameful that at this age I can't cope well. I'm told a therapist might be able to help with techniques to relax, etc, but I honestly wish I could learn to deal with this on my own. It has also affected my ability to be intimate with my husband (difficulty penetrating), so that's of course added stress.

[Anonymous]

You could be describing me! I've been diagnosed with vaginismus (which is what it sounds like you have) and it's been hard to find a doctor that was gentle. I cannot say enough good things about Drs Elliott and Lashgari at Virginia Hospital Center. They've been very gentle and understanding with me.

Two words of advice. First, if you don't feel comfortable with a therapist (it look a long time till I was) find a good book to give you some advice. I really liked "A Woman's Guide To Overcoming Sexual Fear and Pain." Second, if you end up needing any type of fertility assistance don't go to Dominion Fertility. I was basically told that they couldn't help me while I was still having spasms. I ended up at Shady Grove and they were very helpful and successful! DD is now two months old.

Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

I see Dr. Elliott and Dr. Lashgari, started of with Elliott then saw Lashgari when he wasn't available, but I found them both to be very caring and understanding of my fear of the gyn exam.

[Anonymous]

OP here ... Thank you, both, for your helpful comments. Author at 18:35, I'll definitely check out your book recommendation, thanks so much. I'm in Montgomery County, so it would be wonderful to find a doctor more local to me here (Rockville area)... If not, I'll consider commuting further.

I'm encouraged to hear that the fear can be overcome, but I can't help worry (again, given my age, wanting the chance to have "normal" relations in my marriage and the ability to conceive, etc, etc) it might take some time. The GYN I just visited (unsuccessful examination) mentioned that some of her young patients have no trouble with the exam. Couldn't help to feel inadequate/incapable, but I need to persist and get past this problem ...

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to throw out a thought... Have you had the issue with both male and female GYNs? I know that when I was young I had issues with a male GYN doing any kind of exam and went to a female GYN. It took a long time before I was comfortable having a male doc do any type of internal exam. Now, with years of IF including surgeries, IVF cycles, etc, I have absolutely no issues sticking my vajayjay out to whoever needs to do an exam and 99% of the time it is to a male doc. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP again ... That's an interesting point about having a male GYN for examinations. I've heard some similar stories about preferences changing with different experiences. I'm the same right now (tending toward choosing a female physician), but I'm starting to realize that probably it's best to be more open minded, especially when some positive suggestions are being made for male doctors. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

You can also go to a physical therapist specializing in women's health issues - they can help you with this. My PT does it and your issue isn't uncommon. Her name is Reshma Rathod and she is at Restore Motion in Rockville.

[Anonymous]

I have found Dr. Wolfgram and Dr. Margolis (both men) at Capital Woman's Care in Bethesda very patient and kind.

I've had similar issues -- and always thought I preferred woman obs. However, based on past experiences, I now feel women doctors may be less gentle/patient b/c they assume you react to things the way they do.

[Anonymous]

There's one thing you should be warned about getting any sort of treatment. Most doctors (and all therapists) will ask if you've been sexually abused or assaulted. It can be jarring if you're not expecting it. Most of the books also talk about in depth, so just be aware.

I had the same problem, and with a good therapist (out of the area unfortunately) and a caring partner I was able to overcome it. It took almost a year, but totally worth it. I found the biggest thing was being able to tone down the voice in my head that got more and more worried (and then made me even more tense) and was basically getting myself too worked up. While I still get tense during exams, I've been able to have full relations with my husband.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I've had some similar experiences, although maybe not as severe. One thing that helped me was yoga, first to gain more control/understanding of my muscles and what I was tensing. Then, helping me use breathing and other techniques to relax during the exam itself (or during foreplay/intercourse)

I also originally thought I preferred women Dr's but have found the males I've seen to be more understanding and less judgmental.

Good luck1

[Anonymous]

OP again ... Thanks, everyone, for the latest suggestions. It's comforting to read positive news and advice, and once again, it's all greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone who has had the standard Gyn examination been given something, such as a mild sedative/something to assist with relaxation (while remaining awake)? I've heard this can be an option (naturally and ideally, I'd prefer to be able to get through it on my own).

[Anonymous]

If you approach this as an anxiety/panic problem (as in OBs office giving you an anxiety attack--and honestly sounds like it's possible), you may be able to get ativan or klonopin from your PCP or a psychiatrist that you can take during these initial appts. of course you wouldn't be able to take tranquilizers while pregnant, but maybe it could help you get used to seeing the doc and help reduce the phobia.

[Anonymous]

True, thanks, it is a valid way to view the problem ... It probably is some type of aversion (or phobia, as you say). which need I say would be so wonderful to be able to overcome naturally.

[Anonymous]

OP - have you considered going to a GYN practice that has a midwife?

The midwife at my GYN practice is so nice, gentle, and calming. She takes her time talking with me, tells me what to expect, etc.

I was in the same boat as you OP. It's tough to get through it. I still only see female doctors.