Major midlife crisis

[Anonymous]

I have become terribly frivolous and romance-oriented, two things I wasn't in my 20s and 30s.
I regret that I have not had a life with a lot of party and dress-up and flirting opportunities.
I have an urge to flee my asocial husband and my problematic teen.

Blaargh. This is not me, or maybe it's a part of me I've repressed all these years. Maybe I see myself visibly starting to age and realize I should have capitalized on my youthful looks better. Missed opportunities, all that stuff.

What do I do with this?

[Anonymous]

Dance in front of the mirror by yourself, and go out with girlfriends. But otherwise, sounds like that’s the estrogen storm in the early perimenopause phase.

[Anonymous]

Go with some girlfriends to NYC or Vegas, hang out, have fun and then go home and snap out of it.

[Anonymous]

Visit the White Lotus like hotel

[Anonymous]

I am feeling similarly OP. Well, lucky to have a DH I don’t want to flee, who indulges me in my ridiculousness, but I still know what you mean. I was pretty wild when younger and happily gave all that up for a long term relationship, then marriage in my early thirties. Didn’t have so much as a crush on anyone for over a decade, found fulfillment (and exhaustion!)in a busy life of work, kids, husband, hobbies. I am now 42 and constantly thinking about sex, going out way more, partying with friends, flirting with the idea of swinging or at least making out with others (with DH permission). It’s fun, though, I’m not too worried about it. Has to be hormonal on some level. Does feel like a second adolescence…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have become terribly frivolous and romance-oriented, two things I wasn't in my 20s and 30s.
I regret that I have not had a life with a lot of party and dress-up and flirting opportunities.
I have an urge to flee my asocial husband and my problematic teen.

Blaargh. This is not me, or maybe it's a part of me I've repressed all these years. Maybe I see myself visibly starting to age and realize I should have capitalized on my youthful looks better. Missed opportunities, all that stuff.

What do I do with this?

People of all ages can dress up, party and flirt. And many older people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dance in front of the mirror by yourself, and go out with girlfriends. But otherwise, sounds like that’s the estrogen storm in the early perimenopause phase.

+1

Yeah! Maybe a decade of being horny for some nameless and faceless romantic partner. Isn't it horrible? Know what it is, and don't go looking for love in the dark places of internet. It is very easy to do that and derail your life. I suffered a decade of being strung up and uncomfortable, feeling as if I was on the verge of an orgasm but never getting there. Even sex toys and DH's participation helped for only a moment. It was horrible.

I suggest...YOGA and walking! Cultivate an obsession with super healthy eating. a good exercise routine, and cleaning your house. Keep on moving, manage inflammation that will happen because of your estrogen storm and build up balance and muscles.

Another thing ---do a lot of pleasurable and self-indulgent activities. Go travel, visit museums, go for a facial, binge watch C-Dramas. Do all of these things. Because one day the tap in your body will suddenly run dry up and you will have nothing to show for these energetic years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dance in front of the mirror by yourself, and go out with girlfriends. But otherwise, sounds like that’s the estrogen storm in the early perimenopause phase.

Yup. Happened to me at 40. I didn't dance in the mirror, though. I joined a fitness class and made new friends.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. I became too lax and lost everything.

[Anonymous]

I was hussified in my younger years. Not ho ish, never gave it up but had many many young men willing to share their magic stick with me. I always said no. The chase for me was the ultimate. I refused to be caught. I was lucky. Pure lucky I didn't get attacked. The boys I liked were very well mannered. And so cute.
You missed out on nothing. I promise. NOTHING. I am sometimes ashamed of the way I dressed and behaved in my youth.

[Anonymous]

This is probably the crux: "I have an urge to flee my asocial husband and my problematic teen."

Tread carefully that you don't do something you'll regret as you work through this temporary time in your life.

[Anonymous]

I can relate! I'm thinking of reaching out to my college ex (from 30 years ago). My teen has a medical condition and I feel like I can't escape. I'm planning to quit my job this year, just for a break to reset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can relate! I'm thinking of reaching out to my college ex (from 30 years ago). My teen has a medical condition and I feel like I can't escape. I'm planning to quit my job this year, just for a break to reset.

Be careful with this, getting hired in midlife is quite a bit harder. Maybe explore FML or a temporary reduction in hours but keep your foot in the door somewhere. With the medical condition, both parents being able to maintain health insurance coverage in case something happens to one job is important. Best to your family, have been there with health challenges with a child and it is not easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am feeling similarly OP. Well, lucky to have a DH I don’t want to flee, who indulges me in my ridiculousness, but I still know what you mean. I was pretty wild when younger and happily gave all that up for a long term relationship, then marriage in my early thirties. Didn’t have so much as a crush on anyone for over a decade, found fulfillment (and exhaustion!)in a busy life of work, kids, husband, hobbies. I am now 42 and constantly thinking about sex, going out way more, partying with friends, flirting with the idea of swinging or at least making out with others (with DH permission). It’s fun, though, I’m not too worried about it. Has to be hormonal on some level. Does feel like a second adolescence…

Just wanted to say that I wish my spouse was like this. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. I became too lax and lost everything.

What happened?