Applying out without burning bridges at current school

[Anonymous]

Our DS is in Kindergarten at one of the local independent schools. This was not our first-choice school but one we were excited to attend, nonetheless, after being waitlisted at our first-choice school. The admissions team at the school we were waitlisted at suggested we apply again in the future.

His current school is a wonderful place but we hope to eventually end up at that first-choice school (all the reasons it was our first-choice last year remain true today!), and we are considering applying for first grade. We have some mixed feelings because DS is doing quite well at his current school. But we think the other school would be a good fit, too, and perhaps a better fit in the long term. (Obviously, time will tell if that's right or not -- we can't know for sure because he's only 6!) The first-choice school is also a K-12 and we'd like to try to get in before admissions gets even more competitive in the later years. We also think transitioning out of DS's current school would only get harder for him as the years go by and he settles in even more and develops deeper friendships.

Still, we are hesitant to apply because:
1) we don't want to turn off the teachers or Admin at his current school, especially since it's possible he won't get in to the other school. We don't want to be seen as "that family" who doesn't actually want to be there. There's really a lot we love about the school!
2) we aren't quite sure how to talk to our DS about this process. Last year he was leaving preschool and knew he'd be attending a new school so there was nothing confusing about exploring new schools. This year, his expectation is that he'll continue at his current school. We've started to feel him out about it and he seemed a bit ambivalent about exploring a new school, but not quite sure how to explain it.

Anybody been in this situation before? How did you navigate exploring "the one that got away" without screwing things up at your current (also wonderful) school? How did you manage with the current school? How did you manage with your child?

[Anonymous]

I would stay put for now if your child is doing well. The other school may not be as good and then its hard to go back.

[Anonymous]

Is he an only child?
How many spots does Grade 1 have at your coveted school? Is there a better intake year for 3 or 4?
Is there a religious reason to change? More XYZ, which you are, at the coveted school?

For this age it seems odd unless a strict family philosophy or religious or racial fit is desired. Or logistics /location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay put for now if your child is doing well. The other school may not be as good and then its hard to go back.

Good points.

What makes the other school so great in middle or upper school that you want to peel out of where you are, sounds like also a Pk/k—12?

[Anonymous]

OP here:

1st grade is an entry year for first-choice school, which is why we are considering applying now.

Current school is a K-8. First-choice school goes through 12.

The reason we’d apply is that, while things are going well at current school and there’s a lot we like about it, the other school remains our top choice and we think ultimately a better fit in some ways. We are ok staying out but first-choice school is competitive and we don’t want to miss our chance there. I sense it gets more competitive as the years go by.

[Anonymous]

I just don’t think schools hold a grudge or take it personally. We are not in the area, but we had a situation where a student left my kid’s grade for another school, then came back because they didn’t like the new school as much as they thought.

These schools see kids come and go over the years, and it’s not as personal for them as it is for you. I would think of a couple of objective areas that the other school has (not that academics are “better,” but something like you are looking for a k-12 instead of k-8 for these reasons, or maybe, Foreign language that is offered at the other place, or geographic convenience, whatever, something objective) then go in and discuss it. Stress how much you love the current school as well. Kind of a - “it’s not you; it’s me” conversation. It will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t think schools hold a grudge or take it personally. We are not in the area, but we had a situation where a student left my kid’s grade for another school, then came back because they didn’t like the new school as much as they thought.

These schools see kids come and go over the years, and it’s not as personal for them as it is for you. I would think of a couple of objective areas that the other school has (not that academics are “better,” but something like you are looking for a k-12 instead of k-8 for these reasons, or maybe, Foreign language that is offered at the other place, or geographic convenience, whatever, something objective) then go in and discuss it. Stress how much you love the current school as well. Kind of a - “it’s not you; it’s me” conversation. It will be fine.

I also think if you are going to transfer, better sooner than later for social reasons.

[Anonymous]

Just go ahead and apply to the one school. See what happens. Don’t worry about current school.

I think the hardest part is what you tell your son. I think maybe just tell him it’s so it goes through high school and some other reason. Is it closer?

After that, I’d probably just wait till grade six or nine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

1st grade is an entry year for first-choice school, which is why we are considering applying now.

Current school is a K-8. First-choice school goes through 12.

The reason we’d apply is that, while things are going well at current school and there’s a lot we like about it, the other school remains our top choice and we think ultimately a better fit in some ways. We are ok staying out but first-choice school is competitive and we don’t want to miss our chance there. I sense it gets more competitive as the years go by.

If the first choice school is Maret, please note it’s really not worth it.

Don’t move your child if they’re doing well.

If you want to get your child into a competitive HS, move them at grade 5 or 6, not at grade 1.

[Anonymous]

I would wait until 3rd or 4th. Why ruin a good thing when your child may change or have different needs by middle/upper elementary?

[Anonymous]

First grade is good entry year bc most people just got settled. Easier than years when some lower elementary schools are ending. I would apply for first

[Anonymous]

Easy to see why someone might prefer a different school but even if a school is “better” that doesn’t matter if the particular year/class is not. If you like your class, end of it is not at your school of choice/ stay where you are.

[Anonymous]

If your child is happy and doing well, and you like the school and the group of kids in the grade, why rock the boat? You know this school works now and don't actually know that about the other one. Also, kids change a lot between K and 9th grade. You may find that an LD shows up in a couple of years or just that what DC wants in a high school (sports, arts, school culture, etc) is not the school you'd pick today. Most k-12s have entry points at 3rd or 4th, 6th or 7th and then 9th. Let DC get a little older and see if you feel like it'd still be your first choice at the next entry point and apply then. If you apply now and don't get in or get in but choose to stay, I doubt the current school will hold applying out against you, but if you actually leave for 1st grade and it doesn't work, I wouldn't count on being welcomed back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

1st grade is an entry year for first-choice school, which is why we are considering applying now.

Current school is a K-8. First-choice school goes through 12.

The reason we’d apply is that, while things are going well at current school and there’s a lot we like about it, the other school remains our top choice and we think ultimately a better fit in some ways. We are ok staying out but first-choice school is competitive and we don’t want to miss our chance there. I sense it gets more competitive as the years go by.

If the first choice school is Maret, please note it’s really not worth it.

Don’t move your child if they’re doing well.

If you want to get your child into a competitive HS, move them at grade 5 or 6, not at grade 1.

NP
What do you mean Maret is “really not worth it”?

[Anonymous]

I will never understand why people prefer the school that didn't choose their kid over the school that happily accepted them and is working to educate them with great success.