Is this bad coaching?
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Anonymous
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On a scale of 1-10, with 1=time to start looking for a new team and 10=coach is right, kid is the problem:
11yo makes a mistake during a game (failed to connect with a teammate), coach reacts by asking if he wants to be benched. |
Anonymous
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Bad coaching yes. Kids learn best from positive reinforcement.
But how many times has the coach tried to teach this concept, skill, lesson? If this was as a one off out of frustration, maybe let it go. If is the basic coaching style, move on. |
Anonymous
| My kids coach, only slightly old, does this all the time, but only with my kid. He knows my kid and knows this is what motivates him. He encourages the ones who respond better to encouraging, etc. |
Anonymous
| How many times has the kids made the same mistake? |
Anonymous
| I have three kids, one of my kids is highly motivated by these kinds of statements and less motivated by positive. He needs to feel pressure to perform. Does this apply to your kid (if you know)? |
Anonymous
| OP, you know we need more information than that to give you a valid answer, so I suspect you are making it deliberately vague to get to elicit the answer you want rather than the answer you know the situation deserves. If the kid in question is making a sincere effort to do what the coach is asking them to do but their skill development isn’t there yet, that’s one thing. But if this is about the kid’s conscious decisions, particularly those that go against what the coach has told him to do, then the response may be warranted. Last season I sat kid’s coach react similarly to a player on the team. The issue was that the kid was refusing to pass to a particular teammate that the kid felt wasn’t good enough, no matter how many times the coach told him that he needed to pass to the teammate in that situation. The kid’s arrogance in repeatedly defying coach’s instructions absolutely warranted a strong response. And no, my kid wasn’t the other teammate. |
Anonymous
DP. Ok, that's a very specific scenario, so the coach's reaction makes sense. Under most circumstances, threatening a kid who made a mistake with being benched is not effective unless the player has been repeatedly instructed to do something that the player is not trying to do. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
Not being deliberately vague. Didn't see/hear it, but had a kid in tears later that night, who said that's what happened after he missed a pass. I'm not inclined to say anything to the coach unless it becomes a pattern, but I'm wondering whether I'm underreacting. |
Anonymous
If you weren’t there, you don’t know whether your child is accurately describing what happened (not that he is necessarily lying, but if he felt embarrassed to have his mistake pointed out, he may have perceived the coach’s response as more than it was). If you are concerned, you need to observe a couple of practices for yourself to see what’s happening. |
Anonymous
NP - but the kid is in tears. That suggests a coach who doesn't know a player - an 11 year old player, nonetheless - well enough to know what motivates him. And I'm someone who did respond to that kind of feedback as a competitive adult athlete. For a kid? Nope. OP, I'd put it as a 3. |
Anonymous
We aren’t talking about a kindergartner, we are talking about someone who is in or on the cusp of middle school. And again, we don’t know what happened. There’s a difference between a kid who is doing their best but falling short and a kid who isn’t really trying. I am not saying the coach’s behavior was necessarily appropriate, just that we do engage nearly enough information to accurately assess the situation. If OP wants to understand what’s happening, she needs to see it for herself. |
Anonymous
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FWIW, I was at the game, but too far away to hear the comment. Parents are not allowed to watch team practices, so it's a little hard for me to assess the dynamic.
I won't say my kid is the most skilled ever, but has to be one of the more focused/hard working (and I have other kids who play, but would not describe that way). Regardless, I'd like my kids to learn to advocate for themselves, if this is indeed something to push back against. |
Anonymous
I could see this as anywhere from find a new team to the coach is right. What level is this? If it's rec, I'd be really mad at the coach regardless of context. At a very high level, I'd tell my kid there are expectations and being able to execute plays is one of them if you expect playing time. If it's in between so is my answer. Is your kid paying attention and working hard in practice or are they goofing off and then not knowing plays because they weren't paying attention? Is this a one time thing or does the coach ride your kid? Does the coach do this to other kids too or is yours singled out? |
Anonymous
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I would not have a problem with this on a club sport. If you don’t play better, you will be benched. Most teams are pretty clear about that. The coach is giving your kid a heads up that they may get less playing time if they don’t perform.
However, I’m not you. If you don’t like this kind of club/coaching, that is your decision as the parent. Only you can decide if that is a deal breaker for you. |
Anonymous
| That’s not bad coaching. A good coach makes substitutions when a player isn’t helping the team, especially when the team needs help |