do co-dependent parents make entitled kids?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure where this goes, so putting it here.

My sister and I are 10 years apart in age, and had very different upbringings for a variety of reason.

My mother is co-dependent in some ways, I am realizing. Really, really wants to work hard to "help" us. I rejected that relatively early (college) and am known for being very "independent."

My sister is very entitled and almost seems to have an intellectual block against understanding that not everything is about her. She believes the world revolves around her.

I always thought it was a spoiling thing, but I am realizing, do co-dependent parents make entitled kids? Is that what is going on here?

[Anonymous]

I think there is something to this.

In my own experience, my co-dependent (and narcissistic) mother actively encouraged my brother to be dependent on her, undermined his efforts to be independent / showed no support or encouragement, and then would resent his "entitlement" that she created and nurtured so that she could feel needed and superior.

[Anonymous]

Try to think critically for a moment. According to you, one kid is entitled and one is independent. Therefore, assuming everything you say is true, there is just as much evidence in your own family that codependent parents make independent kids as there is that codependent parents make entitled kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to think critically for a moment. According to you, one kid is entitled and one is independent. Therefore, assuming everything you say is true, there is just as much evidence in your own family that codependent parents make independent kids as there is that codependent parents make entitled kids.

Good point. But we were parented very differently. And clearly nurture doesn't dictate everything. I am just wondering if this is a known "thing."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to think critically for a moment. According to you, one kid is entitled and one is independent. Therefore, assuming everything you say is true, there is just as much evidence in your own family that codependent parents make independent kids as there is that codependent parents make entitled kids.

Good point. But we were parented very differently. And clearly nurture doesn't dictate everything. I am just wondering if this is a known "thing."

So you’re showing that codependent parents don’t necessarily create entitled kids. Although maybe you feel entitled in other ways, that you aren’t aware of. Maybe we should ask your sister to join the thread to tell us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to think critically for a moment. According to you, one kid is entitled and one is independent. Therefore, assuming everything you say is true, there is just as much evidence in your own family that codependent parents make independent kids as there is that codependent parents make entitled kids.

Good point. But we were parented very differently. And clearly nurture doesn't dictate everything. I am just wondering if this is a known "thing."

So you’re showing that codependent parents don’t necessarily create entitled kids. Although maybe you feel entitled in other ways, that you aren’t aware of. Maybe we should ask your sister to join the thread to tell us?

I probably do, although I am not sure why you are invested in being against me. My point isn't that I'm great and she isn't, but more to ask --

Is it a known 'think' that co-dependent parents often raise entitled kids?

[Anonymous]

sorry, "thing"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to think critically for a moment. According to you, one kid is entitled and one is independent. Therefore, assuming everything you say is true, there is just as much evidence in your own family that codependent parents make independent kids as there is that codependent parents make entitled kids.

[Anonymous]

I always feel bothered when people use “independent” as some sort of superior value to asking for any accepting help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to think critically for a moment. According to you, one kid is entitled and one is independent. Therefore, assuming everything you say is true, there is just as much evidence in your own family that codependent parents make independent kids as there is that codependent parents make entitled kids.

Good point. But we were parented very differently. And clearly nurture doesn't dictate everything. I am just wondering if this is a known "thing."

So you’re showing that codependent parents don’t necessarily create entitled kids. Although maybe you feel entitled in other ways, that you aren’t aware of. Maybe we should ask your sister to join the thread to tell us?

It’s embarrassing that you are telling OP to think critical when you seem quite limited yourself. It’s well known in human development research that siblings can experience parents very differently on both a subjective and objective level. Your parents age when you were born, their financial situation (younger subs are often born into more stable economic circumstances) and the impacts that has on family conflict and stress, whether grandparents are alive and involved, etc.

Really, try harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always feel bothered when people use “independent” as some sort of superior value to asking for any accepting help.

OP here. I put it in quotes on purpose. I don't see it as a good thing, either (at least in some ways). I am working on it.

[Anonymous]

I can relate OP.

[Anonymous]

I think you probably forget how entitled and self-centered you were when you were much younger. The age gap seems like a big factor here.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t exactly call my stepmom codependent, but she did raise my half sister in an…involved way. My half sister never really had to do anything for herself because my stepmom was always there to help her. My stepmom got all her purpose from raising her one biological child and it was really unhealthy.

And my half sister is now one of the most emotionally stable people I know, definitely the most emotionally stable in the family. I was raised to be extremely independent and I don’t think that was good either.

[Anonymous]

This describes my husband's family situation. I don't know if I would describe his sister as entitled, but definitely far more dependent on her parents than someone her age should be, which frankly concerns me because it means the burden of "taking care" of her will fall on my husband when his parents pass away.