Do you have a favorite child and why?

[Anonymous]

Do you favor one child over another? If so why? Do you think they know it? Both my parents did and we knew it. It was miserable.

[Anonymous]

I feel like “have a favorite” and “favor” are not synonymous, although since you apparently have trauma about it, you might not be able to understand that. For example I have a daughter, my eldest, and then two significantly younger sons. I do enjoy spending time with my daughter much more. She’s very similar to me and we have so many shared interests. But that doesn’t mean she gets more or better things than her brothers.

[Anonymous]

I think pp is correct. I have two elementary aged kids of the same gender who are close in age. One of them is easier for me to relate to, parent, discipline, etc. We have similar strengths and weaknesses so it’s easier for me to have empathy. But I fiercely love my other child even if I don’t understand them as well. I do not favor one over the other. It helps that my husband relates more to the younger child and we communicate often about our children and what they need from us. Between the two of us, we feel balanced as parents.

I’m sorry, OP, that you had that experience. It’s a good reminder for all parents.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, that is sad. My parents were (IMO) really good about not showing any favoritism but my ILs make it crystal clear in their actions that my DH's sibling is favored.
What's ironic is that my parents have never mentioned anything being "fair" "equal" etc because we all have had different needs at various times but my ILs constantly brought up how they spent the exact same amount of money on both adult(!) siblings at Christmas every year. So weird especially when they were taking one sibling on $$$ trips and gifting a house down payment when both siblings were on equal footing financially.

Anyway, having witnessed all of this I will be very careful about such things in the future. Really odd to me how parents could justify this to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think pp is correct. I have two elementary aged kids of the same gender who are close in age. One of them is easier for me to relate to, parent, discipline, etc. We have similar strengths and weaknesses so it’s easier for me to have empathy. But I fiercely love my other child even if I don’t understand them as well. I do not favor one over the other. It helps that my husband relates more to the younger child and we communicate often about our children and what they need from us. Between the two of us, we feel balanced as parents.

I’m sorry, OP, that you had that experience. It’s a good reminder for all parents.

This. One is MUCH easier to parent. I can see how each kid might think the other is favored (which means it's probably pretty balanced!) One NEEDS my attention and patience and understanding and effort. And one is easy to bring places and has a wide variety of interests that we support as best as we can. They each get a different type of attention from me, and I believe they both get all of what they need and some of what they want.

[Anonymous]

I was the oldest of three and my parents each favored one of my two siblings. So I was basically left out. I’m almost 50 so I’m over it.

I have 2 kids. One is incredibly hard to parent, but I will never give up on her and love her so much. I advocate for her in front of her and behind the scenes. I get along better with my younger because he’s more easy going and more flexible but that doesn’t mean I love him more. In fact he has sometimes said he thinks we love our oldest more because we are always having to discipline her.

It’s tough. But no favorites here.

[Anonymous]

No favorite. I have one who is temperamentally more like me and also needs extra attention because of special needs. I also have higher expectations for the other. I'm sure that has felt like favoritism at time but other child is now 18 and we had some frank talks about the sibling's special needs and he seems to understand and agree with my attempts to give each child what they need rather than trying to be equal.

[Anonymous]

I really don’t. My kid with mild special needs has some similar interests to me and we really enjoy each other’s company even though there are challenges. My other child is typical and sweet and has an easier life generally. Adore that one too but he’s sports crazy and I don’t always feel like we have as much in common. They are so different but so special.

[Anonymous]

Already a thread

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1097772.page

[Anonymous]

I tell the kids that the dog is my favorite so everyone is unhappy, except the dog.

[Anonymous]

I have 5 kids and I always have a favorite, but they are in rotation.

[Anonymous]

I have 3. 2 boys and a girl, all very different ages and personalities. I don’t have a favorite, but there are various instances in which one kid is more enjoyable than the others because it seems like they rotate who is having a tough time and who is fun to be around. But I love them always even when they’re struggling. One kid has an IEP and is extra work in that regard, so sometimes I worry they get more of my attention (weekly therapies and such), but I try to balance it out by doing 1:1 stuff with my other kids.

We aren’t too worried about everything being “equal” all the time because a tween is going to get fewer expensive gifts at Christmas while a small child is going to get more, but less expensive items. We do our best to give each child what they need at that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell the kids that the dog is my favorite so everyone is unhappy, except the dog.

[Anonymous]

I have two close in age (and still young) so clearcut fairness is still somewhat important to me and them (e.g., same number/type of Christmas presents). But I suspect that as they get older what kinds of attention/money/emotional support they will need and when they will need it will vary. My parents didn't have favourites, at least that we could tell. I used to think they respected my older sister the most (which would make sense because she's honestly the nicest and most responsible of us) but she thought they liked me the most so make of that what you will.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the day, whomever causing the least trouble.

My oldest is neat/organized, selfish, dislikes his younger brother since birth.

My youngest is messy/unorganized, forgiving/generous, always trying to get his older brother attention / trying to please his older brother. This push & pull dynamic is causing a lot of fighting between them.