Any "boat-rockers" at your private school?

[Anonymous]

There is an issue at my DD's private school that has been building for several years, and now really needs addressing head-on. I have informally volunteered to lead this effort and have rallied the support of a number of parents. I did not tip-toe through the administrative channels, however, and am now -- predictably -- being met with only tepid support there.

I'm curious as to whether other parents have tried to "rock the boat" over an issue at your school. Were you successful? Did you go about it in a more conventional, probably acceptable method, meaning work through the administration, even though they've dragged their feet in the past and clearly don't really want to deal with it? It's not a major life-or-death problem and of course it's easier for them to just let things go on the way they always have, even though I'm seeing many signs from parents and even students that changes should be made. (Or at least looked at.)

How welcome in general are parent boat-rockers at your school? I hate to get the reputation of being a real PITA but this is something that I feel strongly about and don't mind going out on a limb.

[Anonymous]

It is hard to respond without knowing specifics. Are we talking about an educational issue, such as wanting a change in the curriculum, or a noneducational issue, such as changing the school lunch program? In general I think some admins can be very thin-skinned about any criticism of the educational program -- their attitude is, "we'te the experts, so you should listen to us, not the other way around." That was my experience at one school, which we left. At our current school, by contrast, I have found the admin to be incredibly responsive, as long as concerns are raised in a respectful manner and are directed to the best interests of the children. If you feel you have to rally the troops and can't talk directly to the admins yourself to have your concerns addressed, you are probably at the wrong school.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I'm sorry; I wrote the initial post hastily this morning and wasn't as clear as I should have been.

This is definitely a non-educational issue. Overall, we love the school and our DD is thriving there from an academic point of view. This is not even necessarily a major issue, at least to some parents, and it's probably my fault for not going to the administration first to see where they stand.

However, I should also clarify that I was asked by the parent's group to take this on for next year, so I assumed that I had the backing of the school. They are probably surprised that I've jumped into it as forcefully as I have, as the issue has been given only passing recognition in past years. Others have brought it up in the past and it's been given a wink and a nod, with a lot of discussion about "how far we've come." All I can see is how far we have to go!

[Anonymous]

As someone who has worked in schools a LONG time, you MUST work through the admin on this. Everyone pushing you out front to make the case is going to leave you hanging when you become a leper. It will reflect poorly on your kid and you will be shunned by the admin if you do anything to undermine them.

The best way to affect change is to be as transparent about it as humanly possible and start offering SOLUTIONS that the school could adopt. Go to them with "How can we work together to change this issue? I want to help." You may also need to prove that it is a REAL problem and you will need data showing that this problem ACTUALLY affects the whole school, not just bugs you. Work with the admin to create a survey for the school, letting the admin take the credit for all of it.

Trust me on this.

[Anonymous]

You need to have a core group of parents who are willing to work with you to put together a document to present to the admin. You could meet as a group with administrators and present the parents' views.

[Anonymous]

Ditto what the previous posters have said. Make sure this is truly a major issue regarding health, safety or violates school rules such as hate speech, Otherwise you will be seen as one of those complaining parents and you will not have any credibility when something serious comes up and you really need the school to act. IME, you have to let the little things go in private school and when you do go talk to the school administration make sure you can back it up and it constitutes a significant problem.

[Anonymous]

Two years ago my DC was new to a DC private school. There was news of a minority-outreach parents' group being started by a few fellow parents. I showed up at the introductory meeting, which was attended by fewer than 10 parents, of whom another parent and I were not, strictly speaking, members of a minority group. It just seemed like a good cause that could improve this school. Everyone took on a research assignment in preparation for the next meeting. Then there never was notice of another meeting! The group literally went nowhere, and I wonder whether it was because the group got no support from the school admin. It's been almost two years, with no more word from the leaders of this group.

[Anonymous]

OP,

How controversial is this issue and how resistant is the administration (and how have parents gauged this) and finally is there a cost involved in implementing the change. If the administration is already tepid to you, perhaps the parents group should choose someone the administration would cotton up to? Or get a co-chair for the effort, and you can play bad cop.

[Anonymous]

Been there, done that and it was a waste of my time. Rocked the boat at two private schools concerning after school care. I voiced my concerns following the appropriate channels; was very professional; and no one at either school cared and I probably was labeled a PITA. To give perspective: my complaint at one school was that there was so little supervision during after school care that one boy continuously performed an elaborate strip tease, down to naked, and even accompanied his dance while singing a song. The boy was in 1st grade, so I thought too old to do this. The school acknowledged that this incident was frequently occurring and all they said was “we’ve talked to the boy and he won’t do it again” (no parent communication). My point, which they didn’t get, was that there clearly was insufficient supervision if the boy had time to do an elaborate strip tease. I e-mailed the person whom the parents were told was the head of after care. I received an e-mail from the second in command reprimanding me that I e-mailed the wrong person (evidently no one told the guy he was no longer in charge of after care). How inappropriate to reprimand a parent. My experience is very few schools care about parents’ concerns and to switch schools if you are unhappy with an issue that you feel strong about. We switched. Actually, the strip tease didn’t bother me so much as the lack of supervision in after care; the lack of organization in after care; their insufficient way of handling the problem (if my 1st grade son was doing this, I’d want to know); the fact that the staff thought it was appropriate to reprimand a parent; and the fact that the staff was more concerned about reprimanding me than solving the problem or addressing this boy's issues.

[Anonymous]

As someone (home with sick child) who works in an independent school administration, here's my advice.

1) Do your homework about what approaches were tried in the past. Don't assume that there was only a "wink and a nod." Assume that there was a genuine effort made and try to identify why it failed.

2) Find kindred souls in the administration who feel the way that you do about the issue, and who can work from the inside. Parent-faculty-staff alliances are the most powerful. If you can persuade school employees, they can persuade their colleagues. Be prepared for them to have a legitimate disagreement with you, and be willing to listen.

3) Believe that the faculty and staff at your school are competent professionals who WANT to be responsive to your concerns. Anything else will -- yes -- cause them to view you one of the legions of parents who chew them out on a daily basis (for often absurb reasons), and they'll close ranks.

4) If your parents' group is genuinely behind you, then get them to put their concern on paper as a set of recommendations to the Head. Don't present these publicly before doing so in a private session.

[Anonymous]

um...you haven't been clear at all OP about what issue you are talking about so it is really difficult to comment on ometihng w/o knowing the subject matter.

We had an issue about lousy sports teams year in and year out. We tried to improve the situation by working with outher parents. The school didn't want to hear about it.

[Anonymous]

15:05 I don't think OP can identify the issue, people might recognize the school and her, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:um...you haven't been clear at all OP about what issue you are talking about so it is really difficult to comment on ometihng w/o knowing the subject matter.

We had an issue about lousy sports teams year in and year out. We tried to improve the situation by working with outher parents. The school didn't want to hear about it.

The complaints about sports teams are the worst-- so often driven by a parent with an axe to grind (eg kid didn't get playing time parent thought was merited). And generally the kids just aren't that athletic--parents want great teams but assume their mediocre athlete would have still been admitted AND would play. Want great sports? Go to Visi for girls or Prep for boys. Otherwise encourage your kid to play for enjoyment; if they are a good enough athlete they'll get their chance for college (particularly bc club sports is increasingly the recruiting epicenter anyway).

[Anonymous]

No matter the issue, it is totally inconsiderate and inappropriate to jump protocol channels and institute a long-desired solution without everyone's agreement to address this issue.

There is no difference between effectively communicating with relatives, your company or your school. It will be the quickest route to failure - and no one will do you favors when you need them and your school may not assist you as much when it comes time to go to another school.

To succeed, you need to be highly diplomatic, approach the right admin people and build a consensus. Above all, use positive wording and keep a smile on your face. Never insinuate that anyone involved is less than capable of doing their job. You need to show them you are a willing volunteer and not there to be a PITA.

We had a couple parents rock the boat in K. It is now 8th grade and they are still considered by all to be pariahs. Remember, you'll get better results with honey than with vinegar.

[Anonymous]

You always need to allow the administration to save face.

Give all criticism in the form of a shit sandwhich . This is what we LOVE -- here's one little concern that is hindering our total adoration of the school -- Also, we love this other great and wonderful thing about the school and the rresponsivle administration.

Repeat often.