Outbursts/meltdowns getting dressed
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Anonymous
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DD (6) is ASD with anxiety and SPD. Getting pants on has been a trigger for a while, in that she would prefer to just be naked or wear shorts. Shoes are also a big struggle. Getting dressed can be a 30 minute affair of screaming and yelling mean things at family members. We believe this is behavioral, not sensory (though sensory is the trigger) because she will have a month of getting dressed without incident and then when her anxiety peaks she starts struggling again. Usually we can move through the outburst phase quickly ( a week or so) but it’s been a month and no signs of stopping. We spend an hour a day getting her dressed. It’s exhausting.
Hoping some of you have ideas of things to try. Things we have tried (and can try again): she has to be alone, stickers for getting dressed, prizes for stickers, taking away tablet, etc. she does OT, we treat anxiety, we’ve done parent coaching, and she has done therapy (play and CBT with us). |
Anonymous
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How does she feel about skirts? I would try skirts and some kind of underpants that are very opaque and boyshort looking.
I would also try a different reward system that is more immediate than a token economy (stickers and trading stickers for a prize). My son was really into little plastic animals so we put a bunch of cheap little plastic animals in a bowl. If he sat on the potty, he got to pick an animal. If he picked up his toys, he got to pick an animal. If he got dressed, he got to pick an animal. It was a very immediate payment system for doing the tasks that we asked. As he got older, we were able to wean him off the reinforcement schedule, but when he was 4-7 we used it extensively. What does she like? If you don't have anything like little plastic animals, candy works. I'd use single wrapped pieces like you get for Halloween. 1 piece for one task. And I wouldn't give candy at any other time. |
Anonymous
Also when she's calm I would see if she could pick bottoms that she prefers to wear. Let her pick out some bottoms that she likes and then let her pick them out on a day to day basis. It doesn't matter if they look crazy. At least she'll have clothes on. 
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Anonymous
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No advice. Following. We’re dealing with this too and just getting started in seeking supports.
Actually one thing…mine will wear skorts and when it’s cold can convince her to add leggings. Having a variety to choose from helps. |
Anonymous
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OP here - thank you, keep them coming!
Immediate reward is interesting. She loves candy but can obsess about treats (even when getting them regularly), so I might keep that as a backup. Perhaps I can turn her Lego advent calendar into a prize system vs Christmas thing? I like that. She needs to wear pants (it’s snowing today, but if it isn’t she can wear shorts). I’ll definitely see if I can get her to change into boyshort undies, right now she wears briefs that are two sizes too small. She mostly wants clothes to be tight. Except when she isn’t in this phase and then she just wears clothes. We’ve struggled with picking out pants, even when calm. She will like them for a day and then hates them again. I spend so much money on clothes (and shoes!) that I kind of want to give up trying to buy things she likes because it is so minute by minute. For example, she put on new sneakers yesterday, did cartwheels, said how happy she felt in them, gave me a huge hug, and then when I touched the brush to her hair she threw a giant fit about her shoes. Sigh. |
Anonymous
| Can you just have her wear the sweatpants she wears to bed? |
Anonymous
| Maybe try some compression clothing as a base layer? Like, a compression shirt and or leggings (and wear clothes over. Since you said she likes tighter clothing. I've seen them on Fun and Function-never tried as my dd is just the opposite and won't wear tight things LOL |
Anonymous
| How does she feel about leggings/tights? You can get by with warm tights under a warm skirt even on snowy days (source: I refused to wear pants as a child in a very snowy area), especially if one or both is wool. |
Anonymous
After showering, our DS would just put on clothes for the next day. It made mornings a breeze (although we would need the break, because wrestling him into the bath/shower was its own headache). Now that he is a little older, it has gotten easier. |
Anonymous
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Fleece tights are a great idea. I wonder if the feet would bother her? Will try that out, and compression tights! She hates when there is any crotch sag, so that just might work. We’ve tried bedtime, same issue, so it hasn’t really helped. She sleeps naked because we decided pajamas weren’t worth the battle.
Thank you all so much, really appreciate the ideas here -OP |
Anonymous
| Is she medicated or in therapy for the anxiety? My kid has much more mild sensory issues but during a period of intense stress (getting kicked out of school) started having significant sensory issues around certain items of clothing that were previously fine. After getting things back under conger sensory issues returned to her baseline. Just mentioning since you said this is worse than in the past. My kid exclusively wears leggings to this day. Good luck I know this is hard. |
Anonymous
Oh god, you said you treat it and she’s in therapy. Sorry I am so annoying. Does therapist have any ideas? Does she have any special interests you can tie to clothing (my kid liked space and was very motivated to wear space themed clothing during our rough period) |
Anonymous
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One thing we did was have our kid pick out a school week's clothes on Sunday, each pile with a day of the week label on it that they wrote.
It was easier with them owning the choices. |
Anonymous
Ha it’s ok. I do think it is aggravated by anxiety, but it’s ongoing now so I think we are now in the territory of “life is getting harder” as friendships and what not become more challenging. She also has a lot of anxiety about learning (for example she told us this whole story about how she is behind in school, which turns out to have no merit. Our therapist says to remove ourselves from the equation and have her figure it out herself - that she is using our presence, even while yelling at us, as a coping mechanism. How old is your kid still wearing leggings? I think I need to take her to athleta kids or something and commit to full athleisure. It’s so hard to keep buying clothes only to have her struggle this much. She has allllllll the brands. Tonight we are going to check in after this mornings dust has settled, try and co own a path forward. I think I might try an immediate prize for dressing in her room independently, even if she screams and it takes 40 minutes. From there maybe she can also get beads (our current currency) that get harder and harder to get over time (eventually at get dressed without screaming). I will ask if she wants to lay out outfits, she doesn’t care about clothes much so I’ll be curious to see if she feels accomplished doing that or if it’s the same as her picking each day. Maybe it will take the pressure off? Thanks again, lots of good ideas in here and I hope it helps the pp in a similar boat |
Anonymous
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OP hear with an update! We have had three relatively peaceful mornings in a row:
- started sending her to her room immediately upon voice raising or foot stomping. This makes her reallllllly mad but all of us are calmer for it. She can meltdown in her room while we sit outside her door and passively engage (red zone green zone idea). We realized how much of her behavior is reinforce by our presence - she just wants to be with us - so this has shortened outbursts. - told her she has to dress independently and if she comes out dressed she gets to open a Lego from the advent calendar. She asked if she completes the calendar, if she can get a new Lego set she wants. We agreed. She is VERY motivated by this. - if she comes out dressed but starts shouting or melting down, she goes back to her room. - I’d she doesn’t go to her room in those moments she will lose stickers from her chart, but she seems to be very motivated by any fear of losing something - we laid out all these terms during a special mom/dad time and let her build the plan with us. She wasn’t interested in picking clothes out or getting dressed at night, though she tried that the first night. We have her some ownership over what she’d get and when etc. Thank you all for the ideas - the instant prize was the ticket, along with zero tolerance for “public” (family space) meltdowns. Now I am going to stock up on more advent calendars! |