Is it ever okay to let a sibling know you like their SO. Is that pushy?

[Anonymous]

I met my brother's girlfriend yesterday and I like her. The consensus among the family is that she's great.
Of course we all said how nice it was to meet her and have her for dinner. But I mean going beyond that.
However , at least to me, it seems cheesy and incredibly intrusive to say to him" I or we love her. Keep her around."

I don't remember talking about each other's SOs when we were younger. I don't even remember talking about SIL before they married. granted we were all in our 20s back then and she and my husband just sort of joined our group and it was like the next thing we knew we were all married.

This is also the only gf I have heard about or that he's talked about since SIL's passing so I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring him to be in a relationship or more serious than he's ready to be.

I do however think she's great, seems good with my brother, and meshes well with the family. Though I suppose those are things he can also see and judge for himself.

Next time we talk I want to mention that it was great meeting her again, but don't know if that's too much.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to affirm your brother's choice in a partner as long as you're not professing some kind of romantic love for her.

[Anonymous]

Your post is confusing, but if I understand correctly, I think it's okay to say to your brother that you like his girlfriend and you're happy he met her. But try to do it in a way that doesn't suggest a lot of pressure, especially since he's suffered a loss.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s totally fine to let him know you really like her BUT don’t say “keep her around” and don’t put pressure on him regarding the relationship. She might be totally lovely but it’s his relationship and he should do what makes sense for him. Sometimes families do get pushy and want a SO around for themselves and aren’t respectful of the fact that their relationship to this person is secondary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post is confusing, but if I understand correctly, I think it's okay to say to your brother that you like his girlfriend and you're happy he met her. But try to do it in a way that doesn't suggest a lot of pressure, especially since he's suffered a loss.

Op here.
I apologize for the confusion. I tend to ramble. But you understand what I'm asking. Is it ok to let him know, and if yes what is an appropriate way if doing it so I don't come across as pushy?

[Anonymous]

1) It’s great to say, “Wow, Rachael is really great. I love spending time with you, and with her.”

2) It’s NOT OKAY to say something like “please keep her around” or “I’d love her to be part of the family,” because:

A) Relationships are about two people, not two families—it’s not about pleasing the family (ahem, Charles and Diana)

B) Not everyone has the goal of marriage, lifetime partnership, or long-term relationships; don’t act like that’s The Way it Should Be, because that is not for everyone

[Anonymous]

Has your brother asked for your opinion? If not, say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your brother asked for your opinion? If not, say nothing.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine to say “Jane is great, I enjoyed getting to know her.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine to say “Jane is great, I enjoyed getting to know her.”

This, the line between appropriate and push is that you can express your opinion (especially because it's positive) but do not in any way imply that you want your brother to do anything. Like he could break up with this woman tomorrow for any number of reasons that you have no idea about, and it has no bearing on whether or not you enjoyed her company. Just let him know you liked her but leave any hopes and dreams you have for him out of it. It's his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine to say “Jane is great, I enjoyed getting to know her.”

I liked my family (and friends) saying this to me when I started seeing someone a few years after my husband died. What I didn't like was the implication that "things were all better now" or questions about getting married again. I know people who love us want to see us recover and move forward. But simpler the better in the comments department.

[Anonymous]

The weird part is “keep her around.” That IS sort of pushy. But of course you can say “Jane was great! She so funny and smart!” Or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The weird part is “keep her around.” That IS sort of pushy. But of course you can say “Jane was great! She so funny and smart!” Or whatever.

Op here. I wouldn't literally sat keep her around just saying anything implying that we'd like to see more of her.

Based on the advice I will say something very general if I say anything at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine to say “Jane is great, I enjoyed getting to know her.”

I liked my family (and friends) saying this to me when I started seeing someone a few years after my husband died. What I didn't like was the implication that "things were all better now" or questions about getting married again. I know people who love us want to see us recover and move forward. But simpler the better in the comments department.

Op here. Thanks for your advice and I'm sorry for your loss
I don't want to make him uncomfortable or in any way imply that it's all better or he should marry her

If anything I just want to say I liked her and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine to say “Jane is great, I enjoyed getting to know her.”

I liked my family (and friends) saying this to me when I started seeing someone a few years after my husband died. What I didn't like was the implication that "things were all better now" or questions about getting married again. I know people who love us want to see us recover and move forward. But simpler the better in the comments department.

Op here. Thanks for your advice and I'm sorry for your loss
I don't want to make him uncomfortable or in any way imply that it's all better or he should marry her

If anything I just want to say I liked her and leave it at that.

PP you responded to: thank you! And you sound like a kind and loving sibling.