Am I too loose parenting?
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Anonymous
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My 3 year old DD is social, and she loves to wander around nearby me to find other kids to play. She has followed other kids far away only a few times, but normally she does not go too far to the point that I can see her and she occasionally looks back to check where I am (i stay at the same spot). She has chatted and played with middle schooler girl/boy and other dads/moms and i have seen those parents look around to see where her parent is (in case she is a lost child) and i often wave back or smile back when we met eyes.
Am I too loose parenting not staying right next to her and letting her wander around to go chitchat/play with other strangers (especially older boys or dads) not on public playground setting? I mean i will look around to check where she is, and she does not go too far, often within my eyesight. I don't know what they talk about, and it is always she is the one approach others to play/chit chat. |
Anonymous
| It’s impossible to answer this. No one knows what distance you’re talking about. Is this in a fenced area like a playground? A mall? A city sidewalk? No idea how to judge this. |
Anonymous
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She should always be within your eyesight. And you should always be paying attention. It’s unclear if that’s happening but if other parents are giving you those signs, you are probably not being attentive enough. And It’s strange to me that you’d let her play with such older kids. She is probably annoying them. And it’s irresponsible I feel to let her socialize with older boys or random dads without being with her. She is 3 and blindly trusting, but you are an adult and know better to trust random strange men to look after your daughter. Would you notice if they groped her? Or were otherwise inappropriate?
Maybe I’m just a woman who has had too many former male teachers go to jail for sexual impropriety (3), and been flashed, cat called, followed, threatened, harassed, propositioned, and groped too many times as a young woman, and a runner, to feel that women can really ever feel truly safe out in the world, but my feeling is that it’s your responsibility to protect her until she’s old enough to be aware of the risks of being female in our world. |
Anonymous
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I think I know the scenarios you are describing. I have spent a lot of time at city parks with my kids, and there is often a small child who goes up to older children and adults expecting to play with them. It’s usually on a playground that is relatively secure. When this happens, I would assume the child was lost and would look around for an adult. There would be a caretaker sitting somewhere, but they would make no move to retrieve the child.
A three year old on their own is unusual, as most kids that age have a caretaker following them around, no more than a few feet away. And if they went up to older kids, or adults, the usual thing would be to help the kid say hello and then redirect them, with the assumption that the adults and older kids did not want to play with them. Honestly, and I could be in the minority, but I always wished the caregiver kept a better eye on the child. Most of the time, the older children did not want to play with a toddler. And as an adult, I didn’t want to play with a small child other than my own, and I felt responsible for their safety as long as they were trying to engage with me. When my children were older, I also had to warn my children not to hurt the child. I couldn’t help but feel that the caretaker was careless, lazy, or had bad judgment letting their toddler roam that far from them. I can see your perspective that your child is social and loves to meet people. Aside from safety concerns of allowing your child to approach strangers readily, it seems out of the norm for how most other caretakers took care of their toddlers at the park. |
Anonymous
| That's how I've parented. "Stay where I can see you." |
Anonymous
| Very obviously yes |
Anonymous
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I try very hard not to hover with mine, and have always tried to let them explore their own boundaries. However, I always have my eye on them. A child going up to a random parent (man or woman) on a playground isn’t that off to me. A playground is a nice spot to let them exert that type of independence while you’re a safe distance away. But you’re saying it isn’t on a playground, and you’ll periodically “look around to see where she is.” That makes it seem like you don’t know where she is. Depending on the setting, that could be dangerous.
And I’m with the PPs - I don’t want to play with other kids lol. I don’t mind if they come over and chit chat for a minute or so, but if they linger too long it’s honestly annoying. And I will look to make sure a child has an adult if they’re little. It isn’t a judgy thing, just normal concern to make sure they’re with someone. I think helicopter parenting at the playground is annoying (my DH is like this, and it certainly doesn’t help my kids), but you should have eyes on your kid. |
Anonymous
| Assume adults and older kids don't want to play with her, and redirect her. Some peope won't mind (I don't), but many will. |
Anonymous
I tended to follow my kids more closely, but honestly older kids and adults can tell her they don’t want to play or just not play with her. You don’t have a right to be free from annoyance at the playground. When my kids got older I told them to be careful of the little kids and I don’t think it’s tragic that they had to learn to navigate that. |
Anonymous
| I let my kids go pretty far from me in many scenarios and can’t always see them. But if she is going up to older kids/other adults, that means she wants to play with a grownup, so it should be you. |
Anonymous
The bolded sounds like she is at times out of your sight and that you're not aware where your 3yo is at all times. You obviously don't need (and shouldn't) hover over her every single minute but you should be aware that she's only three and can easily loose sight of where she is and how to get back to you and also has no proper sense of danger or yet. I wouldn't be worried about her wandering around on a playground but personally I wouldn't be comfortable having her out of my sight in any random place. |
Anonymous
| Mine is 18 months. Older kids are like a magnet to her and I let her approach them follow them to her hearts content but always in my eyesight. Sometimes they ignore her, other times they incorporate her in their play. I only intervene if I think something is not safe. |
Anonymous
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I’m pretty free range with my three year old, but:
She’s always within my eyesight If she approaches other people, I signal she’s with me with a wave And I keep the independent interactions brief - after a minute or two, if my kid is still hanging around with the new “friends” she’s made, I go join Sometimes if it’s a kid of a similar age and their parent I’ll just end up joining while our kids play together. If it’s a kid and parent clearly trying to have family time, I’ll explain “they’re having special family time let’s go do x together” If it’s teenagers or adults who don’t want to be bothered I’ll redirect pretty quickly. . But if my kid is just wandering or collecting sticks or whatever, yes I’ll let them go as far as I can see them always eyes on - as long as they’re far enough from danger like a busy road that I could react in time. |
Anonymous
| I don’t want to play or entertain your kid. I am there for my kids. |
Anonymous
| You're a lazy parent. I'm far from being a helicopter parent, but you shouldn't have to look hard for a 3 year old that often. Keep an eye on your kid. There are many of other ways to have them practice their independence. You playing on your phone for an hour while she plays and barely glancing up means you're a lazy parent. |