At what age will toddlers/preschoolers play independently

[Anonymous]

DD is 2.5. At home there is DH, my father (whom DD adores) and me. She doesnt have siblings and that is probably not in the cards for us. She is used to having 3 loving adults ready to play with her. During the week she goes to preschool M-F in the mornings. Over this past 3-day weekend I realized she is basically unable to play unless someone is engaging with her and it can be exhausting.

She is perfectly happy cruising around the house with DH and me while we do simple chores. For example DD loves going downstairs to do the laundry and she will sit with me while I fold clothes or make beds, etc. If I let her watch TV she will zone out and watch intently but I limit that to a small amount of time at the end of the day. Otherwise if she is at home she wants someone to play with her and often jumps from toy to toy every few minutes.

I recognize this is probably developmentally appropriate. I am just curious to know how other kids around DD's age behave and how to foster her ability to amuse herself. Right now we defin cant leave her in a room with some of her toys; she will cry and go find us. We also cannot sit in a room with her on a laptop or phone while DD plays; she will want to come press the buttons or ask for a show.

[Anonymous]

My DD was the same as yours at the same age, 6 months ago. She is just starting to play a bit by herself, but she mostly wants me to play with her.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the child, because you see posts on this site about 9 year olds who can't entertain themselves
My trick at this age was to encourage independent play by giving them tasks first. "Put away your blocks and then we can play trucks when you are done." Or "Set up your play food on a blanket and then we'll have a doll picnic."
Sometimes the kids would get distracted by the task and play for a while on their own first.

[Anonymous]

My daughter never really played by herself very much. She was delightful... and exhausting. We didn't get much of a break until she learned to read. Then she read a ton, so our lives were easier.

On the plus side, she learned so much about the world from interacting with us and others. And she turned out great!

It's wonderful that you have three adults that she can engage with.

Hang in there...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter never really played by herself very much. She was delightful... and exhausting. We didn't get much of a break until she learned to read. Then she read a ton, so our lives were easier.

On the plus side, she learned so much about the world from interacting with us and others. And she turned out great!

It's wonderful that you have three adults that she can engage with.

Hang in there...

Seriously! i spend more time doing housework or cleaning out closets bc she finds it entertaining. I would say her absolute fav thing to do is fix things with my dad bc he explains how it works.

[Anonymous]

My DS turns two next month and plays on his own about 15-20% of time. We explain every single thing we do to him so in past several months it became “sorry mommy is cleaning up this mess and daddy is cooking in the kitchen, can you read this book on your chair and then mommy will play with you in a little bit?” A lot of messaging along those lines has increasingly gotten him to play with some toys on his own, especially referencing his chair “wow, you just figured out this puzzle! Can you do it again on your chair while mommy folds laundry?”

[Anonymous]

This can be taught, and I think it’s very valuable to do so. We start at around six months old with our kids doing independent playtime (IP). Start with 10 mins, once a day, and work up to about 30 mins. That goes up to an hour when they stop napping. I think this is a key life skill for kids, plus it gives mom and dad a break.

At six months, we start them in the crib with some toys. Set a timer. Once they’re around 18 months, we move them out of the crib and they play in their rooms. All three of our kids have gone through phases when they hate it and (much longer) phases where they love it. But we power through.

Starting at 2.5 will for sure be tougher, but again, I think it’s worth it.

The timer is key. The beep of the timer (we just use a kitchen timer) ends IP, NOT crying/whining. I’d start with 5 or 10 mins, a brand new toy, and I’d leave her door open and sit outside it with a book. Everyone in the house should be doing something still and quiet when you’re starting so there’s no FOMO.

Explain it to her a day in advance. I’d make a big deal about how you think she’s old enough to do this, and how she’s so big. If she cries the whole five minutes, that’s fine. NO INTERACTION FROM YOU. If she tries to talk to you, the first time, she gets a “it’s independent playtime, it’s time for you to play by yourself.” And all future questions/statements you just ignore. If she comes out, either tell her to go back or wordlessly walk her back. My kids all went through a phase of repeatedly coming out. I give one reminder to go back in, then the second warning I say I’m going to close the door if they come out again, then the third infraction I close the door.

If it goes well, bump it up to six or seven minutes the next day. If she cries or comes out a lot, stick with five minutes for a while. Work up to 30 mins.

No matter what happens, she should get tons of positive reinforcement afterward, hugs, “what a good job! I’m so proud of you!!” Make a big deal of it.

[Anonymous]

Mine will play by herself but definitely not in a room alone.

The exception is that she is used to being put in her crib with books/toys for 15 minutes while I shower, and she’s used to being left alone while I’m in the bathroom or running downstairs to advance the laundry.

[Anonymous]

Like the PP, my almost 2 year old plays independently about 25% of the time if not more, but we made a concerted effort. A few things that have really worked for us:

- Have designated play spaces for exploration. We have a few play areas designated in our home that have a variety of toys to play with or things to do/climb on. We've made it safe for him to explore and it's within eyesight of important areas like the kitchen, living room, office, etc.
- Teach a child how to use a toy or show them things they can do the first time, but really encourage them to do it themselves as you watch. Soon, they'll have the confidence to do it without you.
- Keep toys in generally the same spot so your toddler knows where to find things. It's helpful to be able to say "Mommy has to make dinner, can you sit at your table and play with your puzzles?"
- Don't guide play all the time! If they get bored with something, let them move on. It's not on you to figure out what next she can play with. They will naturally want to explore and find something else so let them.


It's been awesome to see my kid play independently and reveal his creativity. I wish I could play more with him but my husband and I have full time jobs that require us to travel often and so there are many times a year it is "single parent" duty. Independent play is important for us. Best of luck and go easy on yourself!

[Anonymous]

Mom to a single child over here. Agree with others at this can be taught if it’s not natural to your child. It’s actually a really important and valuable skill, and your child is at a good age to learn it if here she does not have those skills yet. As others have suggested, build in time a few times a day we are child needs to entertain themselves. It could be building a block tower while you make dinner or doing a puzzle while you are busy doing something else. If you do not already do so, make sure that your child has an active role in setting up and cleaning up activities. This gets them involved in the process rather than sitting back and waiting for you to set up a game or an art project or clean it up when they are done. Also, if your child is no longer napping, switch out the nap for quiet time in their room. That will make them entertain themselves, whether they are snoozing or playing quietly or looking at books.

[Anonymous]

I have an only child and she has always played independently at least a little bit, even as an infant. I love that about her. I will say, though, now that she's 3 we are getting a lot more "can you play with me????" requests, which are hard to say no to. I say yes at least some of the time!

[Anonymous]

introvert girl - 12mo
extrovert boy - 4 years

[Anonymous]

My extrovert daughter has played alone since 1 years old. I work 45 hours a week, husband works 60, she is an only child, and goes to daycare. I think she likes the downtime of decompressing and not having to compromise like she does at daycare

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kid. My oldest it was 3-3.5 and for a little at a time. She wanted to be in another room than us. She is a true extrovert snd just wants to be all over us all the time. Youngest was content to do whatever on her own at 2. Now at 3 she will ask to paint, draw, build tower. I set her up if needed. Or she will do a tea party for her stuffies or cart them all over the house in baby stroller for 30 min ignoring us and her sister.