If your 3.5 year old says a child at daycare "hurts me"?

[Anonymous]

What is the appropriate course of action?

Her teacher has told me that my DD and a boy in her class are friends and it is cute to watch them play together. When I ask DD about him, DD has said things like "Johnny hurts me" or "Johnny pushed me off the ladder". DD is reserved and may not always be able to speak up (we are working on this), and I don't know how much exactly the teachers see. At the same time, DD is of course not the most reliable narrator - not that we think she is lying, but of course with her level of language I don't think we can get the full picture from her. She hasn't come home with injuries or anything like that.

Would you talk to the teacher about this? What would be your expectation of the teachers in this situation?

[Anonymous]

I would ask Dd what she does when Johnny hurts her, and encourage her to tell a teacher ASAP when it happens.

[Anonymous]

You could ask but I would phrase it as a question not at all something that’s an established problem. Kids perceive all kinds of slights and it’s possible Johnny has been complaining about your daughter just as much. (“She shoved me’” could be describing an actual shove or the other kid getting preferred crayon color first.) if your daughter is consistently choosing to play with the boy things are probably fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the appropriate course of action?

Her teacher has told me that my DD and a boy in her class are friends and it is cute to watch them play together. When I ask DD about him, DD has said things like "Johnny hurts me" or "Johnny pushed me off the ladder". DD is reserved and may not always be able to speak up (we are working on this), and I don't know how much exactly the teachers see. At the same time, DD is of course not the most reliable narrator - not that we think she is lying, but of course with her level of language I don't think we can get the full picture from her. She hasn't come home with injuries or anything like that.

Would you talk to the teacher about this? What would be your expectation of the teachers in this situation?

Is this daycare accredited? Is it in someone's basement? Do you trust them?

[Anonymous]

Talk to the teacher. Get the facts from the teacher. Be inquisitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could ask but I would phrase it as a question not at all something that’s an established problem. Kids perceive all kinds of slights and it’s possible Johnny has been complaining about your daughter just as much. (“She shoved me’” could be describing an actual shove or the other kid getting preferred crayon color first.) if your daughter is consistently choosing to play with the boy things are probably fine.

Thanks, good point.

One thing the teacher specifically said is that it is nice to see "Johnny" being gentle with DD. I think that he may be a child that sometimes plays a bit rough and the teachers have been working with him to be gentle. So DD might be describing things she experienced or saw in the past? I just hate to dismiss her saying she is being hurt now. When she said this I wasn't expecting it - I mentioned "Johnny" because I thought she would talk about how much she likes to play with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the appropriate course of action?

Her teacher has told me that my DD and a boy in her class are friends and it is cute to watch them play together. When I ask DD about him, DD has said things like "Johnny hurts me" or "Johnny pushed me off the ladder". DD is reserved and may not always be able to speak up (we are working on this), and I don't know how much exactly the teachers see. At the same time, DD is of course not the most reliable narrator - not that we think she is lying, but of course with her level of language I don't think we can get the full picture from her. She hasn't come home with injuries or anything like that.

Would you talk to the teacher about this? What would be your expectation of the teachers in this situation?

Is this daycare accredited? Is it in someone's basement? Do you trust them?

This is a center-based daycare with an immaculate licensing record. Not to say they are perfect, but yeah not a fly-by-night operation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the appropriate course of action?

Her teacher has told me that my DD and a boy in her class are friends and it is cute to watch them play together. When I ask DD about him, DD has said things like "Johnny hurts me" or "Johnny pushed me off the ladder". DD is reserved and may not always be able to speak up (we are working on this), and I don't know how much exactly the teachers see. At the same time, DD is of course not the most reliable narrator - not that we think she is lying, but of course with her level of language I don't think we can get the full picture from her. She hasn't come home with injuries or anything like that.

Would you talk to the teacher about this? What would be your expectation of the teachers in this situation?

Is this daycare accredited? Is it in someone's basement? Do you trust them?

This is a center-based daycare with an immaculate licensing record. Not to say they are perfect, but yeah not a fly-by-night operation.

Great. Then talk to the daycare provider and see what she has to say.

[Anonymous]

My son complained day after day of a kid pinching him during story circle time. Probably the fifth time it came up he added the important context ”because I kick his pillow a bunch.” Kids are weird. I’d reach out to the teacher only if she brings it up herself or seems to be newly worried about school.

[Anonymous]

OP she is trying to tell you something please listen to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could ask but I would phrase it as a question not at all something that’s an established problem. Kids perceive all kinds of slights and it’s possible Johnny has been complaining about your daughter just as much. (“She shoved me’” could be describing an actual shove or the other kid getting preferred crayon color first.) if your daughter is consistently choosing to play with the boy things are probably fine.

Thanks, good point.

One thing the teacher specifically said is that it is nice to see "Johnny" being gentle with DD. I think that he may be a child that sometimes plays a bit rough and the teachers have been working with him to be gentle. So DD might be describing things she experienced or saw in the past? I just hate to dismiss her saying she is being hurt now. When she said this I wasn't expecting it - I mentioned "Johnny" because I thought she would talk about how much she likes to play with him.

Could be. These things are normal at this age.

[Anonymous]

I don't trust everything what my 3.5 year old girl says. Some days she says she does not like daddy, her brother hurts her, I don't like you etc. And, then next minutes, she is happy and playing with everyone. I will check for possible bruises or cuts or scars on my DD if she says "Johnny hurts me". If nothing finds but she keeps saying the same things, I will ask teacher how she plays with Johnny at school something like that.

My kid is in a center based daycare with accredited program, and it is open door policy.

[Anonymous]

I would mention it to the teacher and ask them to keep an eye out for any problems when they are playing. I would stress that I'm not accusing anyone of anything and that I know kids are unreliable narrators, which is why I'd like adults to have this information t pay more attention. I also would assess my kid's demeanor towards this person, not just the words they are saying.

[Anonymous]

Let teacher know so she can keep an eye on, also ask your kid to tell teacher right after whatever she’s no comfortable whst her classmate does to her. Teach your kid to also say “stop it you’re hurting me” to the other kid if he push her etc. if your school allow visit ask for it, our preschool allowed it so parents can visit “secretly” watch without letting the kids know so you may be able to see for yourself. When my DD was about that she and once got a bad scratch on her face and couldn’t really tell the name, I called school right away but school won’t reveal the name of the boy gutted my DD, but they kind of get the boy apologized to my DD.

[Anonymous]

Can’t believe I had so many typos, sorry for my fat finger…