How to have the "gay" talk?

[Anonymous]

My DS is almost 10 and yesterday while we were in the bank he "noticed" a young gay female who was also in the line in front of us.When we were entering the car,he asked me if she was a boy or a girl.
I got lost on that question!
Me and my husband are liberals but Christians.We also believe in marriage between a man and a women,but does not like to judge ANYONE.
Is it time to tell my son about gays?
I told him that it is a girl who wants to be a boy.And I also told him that there are boys who asks to be girls...
What do you guys tell your kids about that?

[Anonymous]

Um, unless you talked to her, why would you know that she wants to be a boy? And what led you to assume she was gay? Honestly, you don't know anything about that person's sexuality unless you know her personally.

That said, yes, you probably need to talk about the existence of gays and lesbians in the world, and it would be great if you could indeed do it without judging them.

[Anonymous]

Not sure I understand OP. Was this person a cross dresser? How did you know she or he was gay?

[Anonymous]

Our neighbors are gay, so we just explained to DD that they were in a relationship and love each other, and that DD may hear kids make fun of people who are gay, but our family believes that it is not something to make fun of, its part of life and who they are.

IMO its not a talk to have once, its an ongoing conversation to have with your kids. Treating respect of others starts at home.

If your son is 10, I would start it by asking him what he knows about the subject and starting from there. I guarantee he's heard stuff at school already.

FYI- gay people do not necessarily want to be of the opposite sex. While there are probably some gay people who do, I'm guessing its a very very small percentage of gay people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, unless you talked to her, why would you know that she wants to be a boy? And what led you to assume she was gay? Honestly, you don't know anything about that person's sexuality unless you know her personally.

That said, yes, you probably need to talk about the existence of gays and lesbians in the world, and it would be great if you could indeed do it without judging them.

Guess what people,she was there with her partner and she was wearing all boys clothe!So,she is not gay?
How can YOU jugde me on that?
Crazy people...I am not here to discuss this matter.I am here to ask a mom-to-mom question and I guess some people are here to start a fight

[Anonymous]

Just because she was there with her partner and was wearing boys clothes doesn't mean she wants to be a boy. That being said, you son probably already knows about gays. He's 10 and he'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb not to know by his age. In fact, he might actually know kids who have two same sex parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because she was there with her partner and was wearing boys clothes doesn't mean she wants to be a boy. That being said, you son probably already knows about gays. He's 10 and he'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb not to know by his age. In fact, he might actually know kids who have two same sex parents.

You know what?Go get a life and get the hell out of this forum!
So mad right now.

[Anonymous]

Why did you change the color to red? Is this a 911 alert? Is that to forewarn readers that you're discussing GAY issues?

Regardless, it makes you come off as a bit unhinged.

[Anonymous]

NP here. She wants to be a boy? How do you know? That is taking a huge leap. A lesbian is not someone who wants to be a boy.

If it had been me, I would have said, "That's a girl." And if he asked why she was wearing boys' clothes, I would have said, "People like to wear all different kinds of things. She might just like those clothes more than dresses." And if he asked why she was holding hands with another girl, I might have said, "That might have been her girlfriend. Some girls want to date other girls just like some girls want to date boys." And if he asks why, I'd say, "Because you can't help who you like and who you fall in love with, and sometimes girls fall in love with other girls and sometimes boys fall in love with other boys."

[Anonymous]

You need to educate yourself about what it means to be gay first.

[Anonymous]

I just find it really hard to believe that a 10 year old doesn't know what "gay" means. Even if the child is completely shielded from tv and newspapers, it's a word that's thrown around the playground pretty liberally (unfortunately).

I like the sample answers provided by 13:30. Although I think that saying that people "can't help" who they love puts a little bit of a negative spin on it.

I think it's important to clearly state your values -- for example, you can say that some people don't think it's ok to be gay but we (mom and dad) believe that people have the right to live their lives and be with the person they love, and we don't think it's ok to ever say negative things about people based on who they love (or how they choose to dress, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just find it really hard to believe that a 10 year old doesn't know what "gay" means. Even if the child is completely shielded from tv and newspapers, it's a word that's thrown around the playground pretty liberally (unfortunately).

I like the sample answers provided by 13:30. Although I think that saying that people "can't help" who they love puts a little bit of a negative spin on it.

I think it's important to clearly state your values -- for example, you can say that some people don't think it's ok to be gay but we (mom and dad) believe that people have the right to live their lives and be with the person they love, and we don't think it's ok to ever say negative things about people based on who they love (or how they choose to dress, etc.)

13:30 here -- yes, I was typing quickly and I agree "can't help" might indicate a negative spin, which is certainly not what I think or what I would want to convey. That just seemed like the easiest way to convey, basically, "you like who you like and you're born that way."

[Anonymous]

OP, look up gay, lesbian, transgender, transsexual, transvestite, so you'll be able to ask a more informed question.
It's definitely time to have the talk. It's real and out there. Your son needs to know about this, because he will meet folks who are not like your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. She wants to be a boy? How do you know? That is taking a huge leap. A lesbian is not someone who wants to be a boy.

If it had been me, I would have said, "That's a girl." And if he asked why she was wearing boys' clothes, I would have said, "People like to wear all different kinds of things. She might just like those clothes more than dresses." And if he asked why she was holding hands with another girl, I might have said, "That might have been her girlfriend. Some girls want to date other girls just like some girls want to date boys." And if he asks why, I'd say, "Because you can't help who you like and who you fall in love with, and sometimes girls fall in love with other girls and sometimes boys fall in love with other boys."

well stated.

OP: I'm glad that you want your children to be understanding and open-minded. I think you need to work on your own acceptance of others, let go of stereotypes, and understanding of sexuality. The Gay & Lesbian parents forum might be a good place to ask for resources. I'd suggest asking what resources they found helpful for helping their parents and loved ones accept their sexuality. That might help give you the vocabulary and understanding you need to guide your children.

[Anonymous]

The OP post turned red because it is fake. It's like how the water in the pool turns a different color when you pee in it. It's to warn everyone.