Would you say something?

[Anonymous]

DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.

[Anonymous]

Who would you mention your DD's "significant contribution" to?
What outcome would you be trying to achieve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.

This first sentence is really irrelevant. Also weird that you chose this forum to post in.

The situation you describe is not rare and not limited to interactions with "gifted" kids. It happens all the time. And there is absolutely nothing to be gained from you saying anything to anyone, other than your DD, at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.

This first sentence is really irrelevant. Also weird that you chose this forum to post in.

The situation you describe is not rare and not limited to interactions with "gifted" kids. It happens all the time. And there is absolutely nothing to be gained from you saying anything to anyone, other than your DD, at this point.

It’s posted here because I first noticed this behavior in AAP. There are certain kids who seem to identify the smart or hardworking kids in every class. Those are the students they identify as group project partners or as students who will have good notes and the homework completed.

[Anonymous]

Was your daughter competing for this same award and didn’t win? So your daughter did a project and submitted it but wasn’t chosen while the friend’s project was? If that’s the case then no you can’t mention anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.

This first sentence is really irrelevant. Also weird that you chose this forum to post in.

The situation you describe is not rare and not limited to interactions with "gifted" kids. It happens all the time. And there is absolutely nothing to be gained from you saying anything to anyone, other than your DD, at this point.

It’s posted here because I first noticed this behavior in AAP. There are certain kids who seem to identify the smart or hardworking kids in every class. Those are the students they identify as group project partners or as students who will have good notes and the homework completed.

Interesting that you first noticed this in the AAP. Exactly what you describe happens everywhere, and always has.

My child is also in an AAP, and her and her peers frequently help each other out with notes, homework, and projects.

I'm still not seeing the issue, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who would you mention your DD's "significant contribution" to?
What outcome would you be trying to achieve?

Suppose you assisted a co-worker with a project that earned them an award and that co-worker never thanked you. How would that make you feel? I’m not jealous about the award. I think it’s a good thing for this student to receive some positive reinforcement. I’m angry that someone DD considered a friend didn’t thank her at all for her help. I think it’s horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who would you mention your DD's "significant contribution" to?
What outcome would you be trying to achieve?

Suppose you assisted a co-worker with a project that earned them an award and that co-worker never thanked you. How would that make you feel? I’m not jealous about the award. I think it’s a good thing for this student to receive some positive reinforcement. I’m angry that someone DD considered a friend didn’t thank her at all for her help. I think it’s horrible.

OK, so how do you answer the questions?

[Anonymous]

No, you don’t say anything. If you do, you come off looking like a crazy tiger mom.

[Anonymous]

How much assistance did your child give the friend? Brainstorming or writing entire paragraphs? It's a compliment for kids to come to her, but being helpful doesn't mean completing a project. Can you role play some possible situations with her? For example, when friend asks for help, her response could be, "What have you done so far?, or "Where exactly are you having problems?" Basically, she needs to flip it around and ask questions like a teacher would handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you don’t say anything. If you do, you come off looking like a crazy tiger mom.

because you maybe are a crazy tiger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you don’t say anything. If you do, you come off looking like a crazy tiger mom.

because you maybe are a crazy tiger

Nope. I have never hired tutors or enrolled DD in prep classes. DD didn’t compete in this contest and isn’t interested in academic competitions in general. I just want DD to be treated with some respect by a supposed friend. I’m also personally displeased that the mother has mentioned several times to me when I know the truth. I’m a very honest person and I guess stuff like this just bothers me more than others.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. That’s how life works sometimes. Sounds like a difficult but valuable learning experience for your DD.

[Anonymous]

You need to be less involved in your daughters conversations with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Did your daughter provide assistance or help her cheat by giving her answers? Either way, a thank you isn't pro forma on a project like this. Career work project or Noble Peace prize, yes.