What do you do with wild 2 year old behavior?

[Anonymous]

DS will be two next month. He’s entering a naughty stage which will include sitting on his newborn brother, throwing food and basically anything and everything he can grab off of a table/counter. We are feeling unprepared with how to handle this and I’ve done some quick reading and gathered the following, please comment with any feedback or additional methods you try with a. Toddler too young to really understand and conversation yet:

1. Limit potential for ‘naughty behavior’ - eg keep things out of reach, limit food in front of him, don’t keep valuables etc in reach
2. Don’t react to everything even if it’s undesirable to me, eg when he makes a mess of dribbling water on the floor I can take the water away, explain it’s for drinking and not playing in the house but not get upset or correct etc
3. ‘Time out’ which consists of us sitting with him in a corner quietly for approx 1-2 min and then talking to him about what he did, why we don’t like it and asking him to not do it again - all calmly (he doesn’t really talk yet but nods and acknowledges what we’re saying
4. When it can cause harm to himself or others, he gets a strong no and time out as above and removal from the scenario (admittedly sometimes a freaking out me in a panic when he puts a raisin in newborns mouth etc)

I’m not concerned to punish him per say but it seems like the above doesn’t cut it when he’s really pushing boundaries and continuously hurling objects everywhere. What else can we do?

[Anonymous]

Does he actually play with any toys or just throw them everywhere?

Also, how much exercise and outside time does he get.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think what you're doing isn't enough? He's 2. He has neither judgment nor impulse control nor long term memory. Your job is just to limit the damage and keep everyone safe until he gets older.

[Anonymous]

I would keep the newborn safe from him. The newborn is completely defenseless.

I would give one bite of food at a time. That way there's never more than one bite to clean up. "Oh, you're throwing your food? You must be finished. Okay, lunch is over; you can go play now." Eat outside if possible.

Make your house very tidy - become minimalists and put everything else in childproofed drawers or high up where he can't climb to reach. Baby gates to keep him out of the room where you have company and have nice things.

Also, WEAR HIM OUT. Running, jumping, mini trampoline if you have space for it, etc. Combination of cerebral and physical energy. Lastly, have a strict schedule for the day so he knows when it's time for various things. He won't understand it's 1pm so time for nap, but will understand that after nap it's book time, then park time, then dinner time, etc.

Lastly, figure out his currency - sticker for eating without throwing? You can teach counting at the same time - five stickers equals one toy car.

[Anonymous]

No Bad Kids is the best book for this age, in my opinion.

Changed my life.

[Anonymous]

You do not sit with him in time out. We started timeout at 18 mos. Give a warning first if it’s something new. He totally understands what you’re saying. My kid is 10 now but I babysit a friends 17mo toddler once a week and he understands what I’m saying.

[Anonymous]

When it came to pushing the baby sibling down and hurting her, and he didn’t respond to stern warnings, time-outs, and “let’s be gentle,” I told him he was going to get a spanking for it, and he would get a spanking every time he did after that.

I took off his Pull-Up, put him over my lap, and spanked him five times.

I had to do it one more time a week later, and not again.

[Anonymous]

Highly recommend No Bad Kids and the Big Little feelings course. No bad kids is a super short book and the big little feelings course is short little videos and it really will help you with concrete tips. Neither will recommend time outs, but the other things definitely sound good. Time outs have the potential to shame more than actually help long term. Try those two resources out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS will be two next month. He’s entering a naughty stage which will include sitting on his newborn brother, throwing food and basically anything and everything he can grab off of a table/counter. We are feeling unprepared with how to handle this and I’ve done some quick reading and gathered the following, please comment with any feedback or additional methods you try with a. Toddler too young to really understand and conversation yet:

1. Limit potential for ‘naughty behavior’ - eg keep things out of reach, limit food in front of him, don’t keep valuables etc in reach
2. Don’t react to everything even if it’s undesirable to me, eg when he makes a mess of dribbling water on the floor I can take the water away, explain it’s for drinking and not playing in the house but not get upset or correct etc
3. ‘Time out’ which consists of us sitting with him in a corner quietly for approx 1-2 min and then talking to him about what he did, why we don’t like it and asking him to not do it again - all calmly (he doesn’t really talk yet but nods and acknowledges what we’re saying
4. When it can cause harm to himself or others, he gets a strong no and time out as above and removal from the scenario (admittedly sometimes a freaking out me in a panic when he puts a raisin in newborns mouth etc)

I’m not concerned to punish him per se but it seems like the above doesn’t cut it when he’s really pushing boundaries and continuously hurling objects everywhere. What else can we do?

You’re doing fine. 1 and 2 are good, 1 being most important. I personally think time outs are not effective. Use simple language, no long lectures. Tell him what he MAY do, not what he may not. “Cups are for drinking” not “don’t spill the cup.” Redirect redirect redirect.

[Anonymous]

I was basically coming here to post the same thing. My DS is almost 2.5 and this throwing/destructive behavior has been going on since a little after he turned 2. There is no independent play whatsoever unless he's destroying something or doing something dangerous, so I need to be on top of him every second. I see people say to baby proof everything but does that mean keep zero toys out? No lights, TVs, or tables anywhere in the house? He will throw his shoes, blocks, anything at our light fixtures, TVs, etc.
I just keep trying to tell myself that he will grow out of it but he's always been pretty challenging/high needs so I'm worn out (and pregnant).
At least his general mood has improved significantly from when he was younger...

[Anonymous]

In addition to the ideas you already have, make him clean up when he throws food. He needs to pick it up, wipe the floor, etc.

When he sits on baby, you pick baby up and fuss over baby. ignore older kid, like physically turn your back and take baby to a different room. Make sure you are clear that bad behavior is not going to get attention. Also be sure to block off special time to spend just with your bigger kid with baby not present, and do not take this time away for bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Time out won’t work at this age - he isn’t deciding to do these things. He is just obeying impulses so there isn’t any chance for consequences to play a role in his behavior.

Just prevent and redirect. He shouldn’t have access to a raisin, for example. I had two under two and it’s exhausting, but you need to lock everything up. Everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In addition to the ideas you already have, make him clean up when he throws food. He needs to pick it up, wipe the floor, etc.

When he sits on baby, you pick baby up and fuss over baby. ignore older kid, like physically turn your back and take baby to a different room. Make sure you are clear that bad behavior is not going to get attention. Also be sure to block off special time to spend just with your bigger kid with baby not present, and do not take this time away for bad behavior.

+1 to not giving older kid extra attention when he acts out. However, do try to find a time (it only has to be like 5 minutes) where he's not acting out and make a big deal about giving him a ton of attention then. Like "Wow, Larlo, you're being so good with the baby! I'm so proud of you being such a good big brother! Do you want to help me read him a story?" and then making a point to play a favourite game with him (with my daughter, stickers were a big hit at a similar age and situation). I was astonished about how quickly positive feedback worked as a motivator for my toddler when we had the new baby and she was struggling with similar behaviors -- any time she she acted up, I would follow through to redirection/"stop doing that"/timeout (when it was dangerous like sitting on the baby or if she was having a meltdown and needed to regulate her emotions), but once she was over it I'd try to find something to give her positive reactions to pretty soon afterward so we didn't get into a never-ending negative cycle.

[Anonymous]

You're probably talking too much and acting (taking action) too little. Actions speak louder than words at this age. That's why 1-2-3 magic is generally effective. Less talking/keeps the parent silent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When it came to pushing the baby sibling down and hurting her, and he didn’t respond to stern warnings, time-outs, and “let’s be gentle,” I told him he was going to get a spanking for it, and he would get a spanking every time he did after that.

I took off his Pull-Up, put him over my lap, and spanked him five times.

I had to do it one more time a week later, and not again.

This shows YOUR lack of control. Your child gets poor executive functioning skills from you, obviously.

OP take your kid outside as much as you can and let him spend his energy there. Make sure he doesn't feel like the baby has all your attention. Carve out time for just the two of you and reassure him that he is loved uniquely, ie, not the same as the baby, but for who he is. Ignore and redirect bad behavior, don't punish it. Set up firm boundaries around violent or hurtful behavioral and have zero tolerance for that, like sitting on the baby.