How often do you see your parents or inlaws?

[Anonymous]

How often do you see your parents or do your kids see grandparents?
Has anyone moved away just get away from your parents or inlaws?

Going through some issues with MIL and think life would easier if we lived further away. Has distance helped anyone?

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't have to move away. We considered it, but with therapy I set strong boundaries. It caused a lot of upset and anger and it took a while for things to settle down, but they did because we didn't bend. In this case-very toxic situation.

I do know people who married into cultures where it seemed like the only option was to move far away. The problem came with visits and the person refusing to stay in a hotel and behaving atrociously in their home. That said, there seems to be a rule in some families that if you live far away you get less grief and fewer expectations.

[Anonymous]

I moved continents to escape my overbearing mother when I was 22 and I built a new life. We have a much better relationship with that distance, and see each other (as well as my father and my MIL, who also live in the same city) on average once a year for about 2 weeks. Now they're all getting older, we are considering how to organize care for them.

[Anonymous]

Oh yes, distance helps! My MIL lives 2.5 hours away. We only see her 3-4x a year. I actually find it sad and wish we saw each other more often. Same distance/frequency with my own parents…usually we see each other at holidays, events or during summer.

[Anonymous]

Ours are 15 min away. We see each set once a week. They take kids on weekend overnights all the time, come meet the school bus so we don't pay for aftercare as much. I had an amazing relationship with my grandparents who watched me after school and in summer. It was very different than my grandmothers relationship with my mom. Im giving my kids the same gift. We did set decent boundaries with each set if grandparents and its working out most of the time.

[Anonymous]

My family is 30 mins away, see them every weekend. In laws are 6 hour drive, see them every other month and holidays/vacations around 4x a year. We lived near MIL for a few years and I’m glad we moved away.

[Anonymous]

ILs: 30 min away. During my DC's sports seasons, we see them weekly because they come to every game and we have lunch after. Outside of that ... maybe monthly? Sometimes more.

My parents: 10 minutes away. We see them every couple of months.

ILs will ask to see DC without us, so they see her even more. My parents don't ask to see DC one on one basically ever.

Total I would say ILs see DC 30-35x year and my parents see DC 6-8 times a year. It's October and they've only seen DC 3x thus far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do you see your parents or do your kids see grandparents?
Has anyone moved away just get away from your parents or inlaws?

Going through some issues with MIL and think life would easier if we lived further away. Has distance helped anyone?

Hardly ever. They are about 8 hours away. They have the time and means to travel to see us more but do not (well, they did until the last year. Some are having health issues now that they are older.) We used to go back to visit and then it became clear it would be on us and the visits were exhausting shuttling between 2 sets of divorced parents + aunts/uncles + friends. So we stopped. So yes, distance helps.

[Anonymous]

How often are you seeing them right now OP?

We live close to both sets of grandparents. I had a great relationship with my grandparents so encourage lots of grandparents time on both sides when our kid was born. Over the next couple years it became apparent that my mil’s desire for time with grandkid and information on grandkid was insatiable. It got to a point where she was calling literally every day we did not see her for updates, and she was coming over or we were visiting 3x/week. I started to lose my mind. She would also do things like come over unannounced just to drop something off or invite herself to an activity with grandkid without telling us parents (like she would coordinate directly with a 2 year old and then would tell us this plan had been made!). I was admittedly a part of the problem too because I was allowing it and had encouraged time together at the beginning. I am a recovering people pleaser and admitted my struggled to say no and set boundaries for some time.

Anyway, that all changed now. I had to set some boundaries and it was NOT easy for the first year or so. Wow, my mil is overbearing and she will keep at it. But there has been a shift now and no one had to move (although I desired it many times ha!). My mil now sees grandkid like 1x/week and I am very hands off about the whole thing. I probably go 1x/month and the rest of the time I let my spouse coordinate directly with their mom. She still plans events directly with kid (I don’t know what this is. My DH has spoken multiple times with her about it and we’ve just decided it is like compulsive for her) but we just will not follow through with these plans for her and allow the disappointment. This is not easy and is actually painful but uhg it is what it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often are you seeing them right now OP?

We live close to both sets of grandparents. I had a great relationship with my grandparents so encourage lots of grandparents time on both sides when our kid was born. Over the next couple years it became apparent that my mil’s desire for time with grandkid and information on grandkid was insatiable. It got to a point where she was calling literally every day we did not see her for updates, and she was coming over or we were visiting 3x/week. I started to lose my mind. She would also do things like come over unannounced just to drop something off or invite herself to an activity with grandkid without telling us parents (like she would coordinate directly with a 2 year old and then would tell us this plan had been made!). I was admittedly a part of the problem too because I was allowing it and had encouraged time together at the beginning. I am a recovering people pleaser and admitted my struggled to say no and set boundaries for some time.

Anyway, that all changed now. I had to set some boundaries and it was NOT easy for the first year or so. Wow, my mil is overbearing and she will keep at it. But there has been a shift now and no one had to move (although I desired it many times ha!). My mil now sees grandkid like 1x/week and I am very hands off about the whole thing. I probably go 1x/month and the rest of the time I let my spouse coordinate directly with their mom. She still plans events directly with kid (I don’t know what this is. My DH has spoken multiple times with her about it and we’ve just decided it is like compulsive for her) but we just will not follow through with these plans for her and allow the disappointment. This is not easy and is actually painful but uhg it is what it is

*my parents I see probably 2x/month. No issues with them around guilting us for not seeing them etc… no expectation around most holidays and pretty easy going which is so much easier.

[Anonymous]

We end up seeing them for the same number of days, just spread differently. My parents like to visit/have us visit for just a few nights more frequently, which is feasible with a 5 hour drive. It ends up generally being ~5 times a year for 3-4 days a clip. My ILs live across country so much more $$ for us to travel plus we need to use leave to do it and my spouse has very limited leave. So we usually go there once a year for 6-7 days and they come here once for anywhere from 8-16 days at a clip.

I can’t say I want to see them more frequently, but 16 days is too damn long. If they lived close I would need to move.

[Anonymous]

Op here my father sees my kids 1x a week . He lives about an hour way. He's not really the problem.

My MIL lives about 30.mins away. I am not sure how much we see her but she's just a pain. She had a shopping addiction and buys my kids too many clothes etc and then ends up asking my husband for money to pay her bills. She talks to my husband on the phone atleast 1x a day. She is remarried but has been more of a single mother while he was growing up. We used to get along but not so much. She just bothers me as person very immature gives bad advice and very needy.

[Anonymous]

We see both~ every 2 months but for a week at a time.

[Anonymous]

My family: 1-2 times a year, total about 3-4 weeks
(Live overseas)

ILs: once a year, 2 days, live 4 hour drive away

[Anonymous]

We see my parents about every other week, in-laws about once a month.