puberty questions (girls)

[Anonymous]

I think my DD is developing breast buds. I noticed a little something yesterday, only on one side - it just looked darker and not completely flat like the other side. She doesn't seem to have noticed it yet b/c she's the kind of kid who would have pointed it out to me if she did.

She's in 4th grade and will be 10 in ~2 months. I thought we had lots more time for her just to be a little girl! I am so sad this is happening already. She is just a little kid, uninhibited about walking around the house naked, wants to get in the bathtub with her 5-yr old brother, etc. She knows the basics of reproduction but there's a lot she doesn't know, so I plan to start talking about things in more detail with her now.

I didn't get my period until I was 14 so I assumed she would start around the same time. I know puberty is a long process and this is just the beginning, but I would hate for her to start getting her period in elementary school - I was in high school when I started mine and it seems like too much for a 5th-grader to deal with. She doesn't have any pubic hair, thank goodness - she is way too little to be shaving her legs or underarms! I know there's nothing I can do to slow things down, but I want her to get to be a little girl for as long as possible.

Just wondering from anyone who has been through this with their own DD, is she likely to get her period in the next year or so? I honestly don't remember any timeframes for myself except for how old I was when I got my period.

[Anonymous]

I got buds around fifth grade and first added tank undershirts and then training bras in 6th and regular bras in 7th. I got my period the summer before 8th grade (age 12.5). So, if she's starting to develop now I would guess that it's probably going to be sooner than you.

I love the book Deal With It (http://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approach-Your-Brain/dp/B001O9CH2U/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275403055&sr=8-2), although she may be a bit young for it. It might help you with framing and topics that could come up, though! I remember having and liking the book Period. at her age, so that might be a good start for a conversation, too (http://www.amazon.com/Period-Girls-Guide-JoAnn-Loulan/dp/0916773965/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275403137&sr=1-1).

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Our daughter is in exactly the same position (right down to the asymmetrical start of breast development and being 9y8mo). I was quite surprised because of her young age and also because she is extremely slim for her age and I truly didn't think this would start for her until she got some more weight/fat on her.

I also didn't get my period until I was 14, and am a little sad that this is beginning already for my daughter. Sad because it just hit me that she is going to be gone soon. And sad also because, to me, it is the beginning of having to grapple with very serious issues about self-esteem and identity that I still think women struggle with despite the advancement in women's rights.

But, I remember for myself that I had breast bud development for at least a year and a half before I got my period. I also got my period much later than other kids, so I have to remind myself of that. In my DD's grade there are clearly a number of kids that are way ahead of her in terms of puberty development, so she is not on the leading edge of this, thankfully.

I don't remember the period itself to be a lot to deal with, but rather confronting the whole issue of dating, relationships, sex, etc. I hope I can help my daughter think and talk about these issues much more than my mother did! I'd like to think that if I'd had more help framing these issues when I was young, I wouldn't have gotten into such serious relationships with the shmucky men I wasted too much time in life on.....!

[Anonymous]

OP here. 10:49, you make a good point about the weight issue. My DD also is extremely thin (under 60lbs), and the girls her age who seem to me to have the beginnings of breast development tend more toward the chubby/bigger side. I know part of puberty is changing body shape, growth spurt, and putting on some body fat, and my DD has none of that. She looks very much like a little girl in terms of her body shape and size, though she has always been kind of tall (but DH and I are tall, though, and so are our 2 boys, so that's more genetics than puberty, at this point, I think).

I'm glad you didn't get your period for another year and a half after you started noticing breast development. I would love to get her out of 6th grade before we have to deal with that, or at least have her be on par with what her friends are going through. I don't want her to be the first of her peer group dealing with all of this stuff. She's a summer birthday and one of the youngest in her class, so I always thought we'd have the opposite situation and she'd be a late bloomer compared to her friends.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and 10:39, thanks for the book recs. I will check them out!

[Anonymous]

My DD just turned nine and is very slim/athletic (unlike me!) but is going through the same thing. I read somewhere that onset of menses is one to two years following breast bud development.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately I think in general all of this comes much sooner than it used to. I have two girls 8 and 10 and it appears that they might have radically different timelines for puberty. My 8 year old has developed buds and her older sister who is very slim and athletic has none yet but has other signs - a bit of hair on the underarms. My youngest definitely has more body fat (hips even) than her sister, so maybe there is something to it. A friend of ours with a 10 year old reports that some girls in her daughter's class have gotten their periods. I just had a discussion yesterday with my older daughter about what she should do if her period came while she is at school. I have mixed feeling about it on the one hand I don't want them to grow up, but on the other hand I an excited to watch them bloom.

[Anonymous]

American Girl also has some good books about puberty issues. Worth checking out.

[Anonymous]

My DD is also nearly 10 and developed breast buds this year as well as a little pubic proto-fuzz. She has started getting a little bit of a vaginal discharge that I don't remember at all but her American Girl book says precedes the first period by some months. So... it's clearly coming. DD is slender though not skinny, and 2/3 of her classmates seem equally if not more developed.

Anyway, DD's bud development was also asymmetrical for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:American Girl also has some good books about puberty issues. Worth checking out.

Another rec for the American Girl books- these are GREAT - esp for this age. Thorough explanations, but not over their head. My DD loved reading hers even before she had actual period just to get an idea of what was to come.

[Anonymous]

I got my period in the spring of 5th grade (just before I turned 11). Talk to her about it because I was so embarrassed when I got mine that I didn't tell my parents. Of course my mother knew because I'd stained my my underwear and sheets, and she talked to me about it and was very sweet, but a pep talk could have saved a lot of anxiety.

[Anonymous]

On the weight issue, I read (years ago now, I can't remember where) that girls need to be both a certain weight and a certain percentage body fat (I want to say it was 100 pounds and 25% respectively) to start their periods. So, if that's true, that could vary greatly from girl to girl and account for the age spread.

[Anonymous]

My son is in 4th grade - a whole lot of the girls have breast buds. She's right on time.

It can be a long time from the beginning of breast buds to menstuation.

[Anonymous]

Coincidentally we were just at the ped and asked about this. She said two years from the first appearance of pubic hair.

[Anonymous]

"On the weight issue, I read (years ago now, I can't remember where) that girls need to be both a certain weight and a certain percentage body fat (I want to say it was 100 pounds and 25% respectively) to start their periods. So, if that's true, that could vary greatly from girl to girl and account for the age spread. "

There was another recent thread somewhere on DCUM in which a pediatrician posted that above is not true. The more likely indicator was the development of body hair as PP wrote - and menstruation about 2 years after.