The waiting game

[Anonymous]

Waiting for my fifth miscarriage to start. I'm just so tired and over it. It's been FIVE YEARS on this emotional rollercoaster. I've done all of the testing, IVF, everything there is to do. I haven't even told DH this time because there's no point in both of us going through the "what ifs" again. It's just so unfair I can't stand it.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

IVF along with the multiple failures and miscarriages is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Hugs OP, it isn’t fair.

[Anonymous]

Adopt.

[Anonymous]

5 miscarriages and IVF. You need to know when to quit. There are children who have no parents and need to be adopted.

[Anonymous]

We have friends that have been trying to adopt for years with tens of thousands spent for the heartbreak of multiple failed matches. Adoption isn’t as easy as “just adopt.” And no, not everyone can or should adopt older, traumatized children in the foster system either.

[Anonymous]

This is really hard and senseless. I'm really sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have friends that have been trying to adopt for years with tens of thousands spent for the heartbreak of multiple failed matches. Adoption isn’t as easy as “just adopt.” And no, not everyone can or should adopt older, traumatized children in the foster system either.

So no one should attempt to adopt a child? Or you just want a child handed over with no process?

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, this is awful and unfair. I hope the pregnancy passes as quickly and painlessly as possible, and wish you peace and support during this hard time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have friends that have been trying to adopt for years with tens of thousands spent for the heartbreak of multiple failed matches. Adoption isn’t as easy as “just adopt.” And no, not everyone can or should adopt older, traumatized children in the foster system either.

So no one should attempt to adopt a child? Or you just want a child handed over with no process?

One should only attempt to adopt a child if they are financially and emotionally prepared for a long, expensive, uncertain process with no guarantee of success. Many, many people are out of emotional and financial resources after years of infertility. If they decide adoption is not the right next step for their family, then that decision should be respected. Some people just need certainty and closure, even if that means moving on from the dream of parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adopt.

Gee, why didn’t the OP think to just walk down to the adoption store and walk out with a baby?

[Anonymous]

Thank you all. We are not actively trying anymore, but haven't gone so far as to actively prevent either. This will be it though. I know I'll continue to get pregnant occasionally, and will continue to miscarry if we don't prevent conception. Infertility sucked, but recurrent pregnancy loss has just drained me of any remaining optimism. I know we'll get through this, but right now it's just so, so hard.

[Anonymous]

I'm so, so sorry, OP. "Basic" infertility is hard enough but the cruelty of miscarriage, especially repeated miscarriage, is on an entirely other level.

Have you considered surrogacy? I realize it is expensive and also not something everyone feels comfortable with, but it is a potential option if you eventually do decide you want to continue. I also couldn't carry a baby to term and that's the route we finally took. Once we got started, it was easier than I thought - there are very good agencies out there who can really help you every step of the way.

Sending hugs your way. You're not alone and many of your sisters out here know your sorrow and grieve with and for you. Be gentle with yourself.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. This journey is so hard and it's so f'ing unfair. I hope you are able to find something that brings you joy while going through this crappy experience, and sending you lots of love and hugs virtually.