Nanny phone use

[Anonymous]

Our nanny is youngish (30yo) and has been a full-time professional nanny for a few years. She started working for us a couple months ago and primarily watches my toddler although sometimes she's with my school-aged kid, too. I know young people nowadays are used to being attached by the hip to their phone, and I'm wondering how much I can reasonably expect her to keep her phone off of her.

I work from home so I sometimes see her during the day. I've noticed that when she's with my toddler, she'll occasionally be looking at her phone and my guess is she's looking at texts and possibly responding to them. If I text her when I'm outside the house, 99% of the time, she responds right away, which means her phone is either right next to her or she's holding on to it.

My kids get no screen time except on the weekends and I try to keep my phone away when I'm spending time with them. I really don't like that one of their primary role models has her phone next to her all of the time and looking at it every time her mom/boyfriend/friends text. Our former nanny, who was also young, intentionally kept her phone in her purse so she wouldn't be distracted by it and would take 20 minutes (sometimes an hour) to respond to my texts and I was fine with that.

Can I reasonably ask that our current nanny not look at her phone at all (except on her midday break or when she goes to the bathroom) while I'm home? And that she keep her phone away from her, looking at it only occasionally (like once every 30-60 minutes) while I'm outside the house?

[Anonymous]

I think it's OK to be sending texts but not OK to browse Facebook or Reddit. On the other hand, my nanny never used her phone while working for us and never responded to my texts. That was annoying.

[Anonymous]

You can ask for whatever you want because you're her employer.

I'm a SAHM and I'm reasonably good about my phone but I definitely look at it. I can't be fully engaged with my toddler all day long. I love her more than life but she's boring and tyrannical. I really don't think it hurts her to see me look at it. Some days I use a book instead of my phone. Same diff. This would be pretty low on my list of nanny qualities to worry about. One of the things about being a SAHM is I know I have to actively generate periods of independent play/exploration and frankly that is one of the ways I do it. So I maybe disagree with your stance on kids watching adults with phones but it's certainly within bounds for you to have rules about it as an employer. I just think when you're paying someone, and if you feel like your own time with your kids is precious or limited, you may get a little warped on what kind of engagement from their caregivers kids need all day. There's a balance like everything else.

[Anonymous]

What's reasonable is for you to ask that your toddler not see her on the phone. So when he's awake she should be interacting with him. Obviously emergencies come up, but overall, no phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny is youngish (30yo) and has been a full-time professional nanny for a few years. She started working for us a couple months ago and primarily watches my toddler although sometimes she's with my school-aged kid, too. I know young people nowadays are used to being attached by the hip to their phone, and I'm wondering how much I can reasonably expect her to keep her phone off of her.

I work from home so I sometimes see her during the day. I've noticed that when she's with my toddler, she'll occasionally be looking at her phone and my guess is she's looking at texts and possibly responding to them. If I text her when I'm outside the house, 99% of the time, she responds right away, which means her phone is either right next to her or she's holding on to it.

My kids get no screen time except on the weekends and I try to keep my phone away when I'm spending time with them. I really don't like that one of their primary role models has her phone next to her all of the time and looking at it every time her mom/boyfriend/friends text. Our former nanny, who was also young, intentionally kept her phone in her purse so she wouldn't be distracted by it and would take 20 minutes (sometimes an hour) to respond to my texts and I was fine with that.

Can I reasonably ask that our current nanny not look at her phone at all (except on her midday break or when she goes to the bathroom) while I'm home? And that she keep her phone away from her, looking at it only occasionally (like once every 30-60 minutes) while I'm outside the house?

Stop texting her if you dont want her to look at her phone. It some eay you are tricking your nanny. She probably thinks by responding quickly that is what you want but you want to set her up.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask her to keep the phone away from her - so she couldn’t have it in her pocket or sitting on the counter while she is making lunch? That seems extreme. She shouldn’t be ignoring your kid to scroll Facebook for an hour, but I don’t think taking 30 seconds to type up a text is a big deal. I am a SAHM and I definitely have my phone on me at all times. I spend tons of time interacting with my kids, it’s fine for them to see me zone out for a few minutes on my phone after we have played a matching game for an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's reasonable is for you to ask that your toddler not see her on the phone. So when he's awake she should be interacting with him. Obviously emergencies come up, but overall, no phone.

Why do we not want the toddler to see her on the phone? I’m open to it I just don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

I think today's culture of MUST INTERACT WITH KID EVERY MINUTE is more unhealthy than checks phone. Kids should be self-entertaining at least some of the time. Watching a child should just mean being nearby and able to respond quickly to something happening. If I'm in the same room with my child who is playing with toys that should be sufficient, and if I want to look at my phone for a little bit (or do a chore, or knit a sock) that should be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think today's culture of MUST INTERACT WITH KID EVERY MINUTE is more unhealthy than checks phone. Kids should be self-entertaining at least some of the time. Watching a child should just mean being nearby and able to respond quickly to something happening. If I'm in the same room with my child who is playing with toys that should be sufficient, and if I want to look at my phone for a little bit (or do a chore, or knit a sock) that should be fine.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm sure she can put the phone down if you talk to her. I bet there's nothing important on most days she needs to responds to.
I see nannies on the phone all the time in the park. Get one that has friends/family who are too busy to be on the phone with her. My friends and family would be terrified if I bothered them constantly. They are busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's reasonable is for you to ask that your toddler not see her on the phone. So when he's awake she should be interacting with him. Obviously emergencies come up, but overall, no phone.

Why do we not want the toddler to see her on the phone? I’m open to it I just don’t get it.

Because then the toddler might grow up thinking that he's not the center of the universe?

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and I’m on the phone at the playground right now. My toddler is 15 ft away stacking mulch onto a spinny thing and then spinning it off. I’m not seeing the problem.

[Anonymous]

I can’t pay direct attention to my toddler for hours on end with no break and I wouldn’t expect a nanny to either. I have no problem with her responding to texts while she’s working just like I don’t have a problem with her going to the bathroom, making herself a snack, enjoying a cup of coffee, doing lunch dishes, picking up toys, etc. My kid needs to practice how to entertain herself. Even taking 5-10 minutes to scroll for a brain break while toddler is independently occupied is fine with me.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I don't mind if she looks at her phone occasionally, texts etc. when my toddler naps, which is a good 2-3 hours a day. Or when she's preparing a meal or tidying up while my kids play together and aren't paying attention to her. She either has her phone in her hand or right next to her when she's with my kids and when the screen lights up with a text, she looks at it. I don't like my kids seeing how tethered she is to her phone, call me old-fashioned, but I don't think it sets a good example. I'm not bothered that she's not paying attention to my kids 100% of the time; I wouldn't mind if she read a book while one or both kids play independently, and I actually told her to let my older child read/play on own while she does dishes or whatever, that it's not her job to keep my older DC entertained. I guess I'm more of a luddite than the average parent? My older DC also doesn't play any video games and I know is in the minority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don't mind if she looks at her phone occasionally, texts etc. when my toddler naps, which is a good 2-3 hours a day. Or when she's preparing a meal or tidying up while my kids play together and aren't paying attention to her. She either has her phone in her hand or right next to her when she's with my kids and when the screen lights up with a text, she looks at it. I don't like my kids seeing how tethered she is to her phone, call me old-fashioned, but I don't think it sets a good example. I'm not bothered that she's not paying attention to my kids 100% of the time; I wouldn't mind if she read a book while one or both kids play independently, and I actually told her to let my older child read/play on own while she does dishes or whatever, that it's not her job to keep my older DC entertained. I guess I'm more of a luddite than the average parent? My older DC also doesn't play any video games and I know is in the minority.

Listen you can certainly ask for this as her employer. You don’t need to make a case for why. But you’re not making a good case for why. If it caused a tantrum, or something, because the kid would then stop playing and ask for the phone that would make sense. If you’re saying you think your child is harmed by watching her read a text, no, I think that’s silly. And futile, ultimately.