Any hope extremely challenging elderly parent will become nicer with brain deterioration?

[Anonymous]

Every year she gets worse and he wrath is focused on me. We could have a friendly relationship when her life was easy and full of social connections and she got more attention for her looks and charm. I am sick of therapy and trying strategies and letting professionals involved with her know my concerns. I have too many other stressful things to deal with and I need some hope. Not looking for suggestions. She still functions well independently and we have experts assessing. Believe me if I could get her more socially engaged I would and I have tried it all. Just wanted to hear if anyone's nutty elderly parent actually became easier as the brain faded more. I almost hope when she forgets who I am she will be nicer. I know it sounds crass, but it is too many years of this and I am beyond burned out. I think at this point her health is better than mine, but I have kids to raise so I can't let her hostility eat me alive. (You may think that is dramatic, but the tantrums are over the top and she won't stay on meds.) Any hope this won't just be a continued descent into wrath, hostility and misery?

[Anonymous]

I so want to tell you what you wish to hear. Instead I will suggest you continue to protect your own health and well being of your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I so want to tell you what you wish to hear. Instead I will suggest you continue to protect your own health and well being of your family.

OP here. Thanks for the honesty and for the supportive words. It does help and I need to keep reminding myself of this.

[Anonymous]

Remeron helped my mom.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother did get easier after a certain point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remeron helped my mom.

Thanks and I will mention to social worker. She is better on an SSRI but just won't stay on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother did get easier after a certain point.

Thank goodness....a ray of hope!! Thank you!

[Anonymous]

My grandfather at one point became abusive towards my grandmother and one of my aunts who lived with them. Then he was put in a home. When his memory left him completely, he was more manageable. Thankfully, my father, who is also losing his memory, has not developed such aggressive traits.

Please, OP, protect yourself. Put yourself FIRST. I remember as a young teen seeing my Grandma cry in my father's arms because Grandpa had once again screamed at both her and my aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather at one point became abusive towards my grandmother and one of my aunts who lived with them. Then he was put in a home. When his memory left him completely, he was more manageable. Thankfully, my father, who is also losing his memory, has not developed such aggressive traits.

Please, OP, protect yourself. Put yourself FIRST. I remember as a young teen seeing my Grandma cry in my father's arms because Grandpa had once again screamed at both her and my aunt.

I hope your dad continues to remain OK as he loses his memory. Yeah the abusive behavior has done damage not only to me, but my kids and my husband was pretty alarmed by an episode he witnessed. Both her parents aged terribly, but were fine with lots of meds. She refuses to consider residential because they drugged her parents. Yes, they drugged my grandparents so they could be decent humans and not abuse the staff. They were not zombies, but the aggression was totally medicated away which was a good thing because it kept them from getting kicked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remeron helped my mom.

Thanks and I will mention to social worker. She is better on an SSRI but just won't stay on it.

At some point someone will need to be giving her her meds, and perhaps even now. At that point she may not realize she is taking an SSRI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remeron helped my mom.

Thanks and I will mention to social worker. She is better on an SSRI but just won't stay on it.

At some point someone will need to be giving her her meds, and perhaps even now. At that point she may not realize she is taking an SSRI.

She knows. She is surprisingly sharp. I have posted here before wondering if it's a frontal lobe issue that causes her to be so difficult, while having her faculties together. Of course I have seen so many times in my family they get extremely anxious and irritable before dementia becomes obvious.

[Anonymous]

When she goes into a nursing home and loses most of her memory and gets the SSRIs automatically, she will typically not be as mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she goes into a nursing home and loses most of her memory and gets the SSRIs automatically, she will typically not be as mean.

OK so I guess there is some hope way down the line.

[Anonymous]

My rating, angry, verbally abusive alcoholic father developed a form of dementia that rendered him “locked in” and completely unable to speak. Yes, he got easier to deal with as a mute person. The dementia caused a slow decline ending with complete inability to communicate or understand anyone.

[Anonymous]

My grandma did get easier. She was so cheap and frugal that she drove everyone insane. Like wouldn’t run the heat and would reuse paper plates. As she got immobile and older she finally, finally backed off a little. We lied a lot too. Said that Medicare paid for more than it did. And now had a heating supplement. And it got easier as she gave over her checkbook.